Language game: Use the imperative form when making plans

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-09-10T02:34:53+00:00

I agree with your message but as a linguist I'd like to refine this.

We often say that instead of an invitation, "would you like to grab a drink?" it is better to suggest that she accompany you.

What you are trying to get at, is the "exhortative modality." You are exhorting her to go with you.

This is a subtle distinction. Imperative issues an implicit invitation, "Let's get a drink." Exhortative mode declares "We should get a drink."

I think exhortative mode is preferred. It strongly but subtly urges an action, and gives the feeling that her acceptance is already assumed and that she is not just welcome, but expected to go with you.

doosra · 2013-09-10T01:30:53+00:00

To be honest it depends on the situation.. "Lets grab a drink!" can come across as needy - especially the exclamation.

I prefer to go with "I am doing xyz at abc - feel free to join me"

Its relaxed, its chill and it conveys that. Also - it lets the person come into YOUR zone.. In this regard, I prefer the "How about we grab a drink" straight off the bat.

Peace!

cgaff · 2013-09-10T01:41:15+00:00

What do you think of "we should grab a drink tonight"?

L1AM · 2013-09-10T01:52:13+00:00

Great points!

I think this would best be said in an informal context; at least an informal conversational way:

You've directed the conversation to a pause.
You make it clear through your body language and position that she shouldn't say anything because you are about to do so
"Hey - Let's go grab a drink."

Mouthpiece · 2013-09-10T14:42:11+00:00

"I'm grabbing a drink. You should join me."

FeministsLoveMe · 2013-09-10T01:51:28+00:00

Usually I say things in a more commanding way, like "come get a drink with me" or "come out with me tonight" or "meet me at my house at 8pm and I'll show you (some area I told her about)"

What do you think about moreso commanding statements?

Drodain · 2013-09-10T03:22:58+00:00

"Give me your number and I'll let you know when we go do x, y, and z."

100% success rate, if you don't see them saying no as an option it's unlikely that they will.

zennyultima · 2013-09-10T04:46:05+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Sir_smokes_a_lot · 2013-09-10T05:55:21+00:00

I'm commenting to come back to read this. I'm a language neuroscientist in training. Do you have any good resources for the effects of using durative and nondurative speech?

initialZEN · 2013-09-10T14:51:07+00:00

Also, incorporating "we" and us (let's) into conversations is good practice.

rp19 · 2013-09-10T19:18:43+00:00

Is there an AMA by someone of your occupation? Or a similar occupation? Linguistics has always fascinated me.

OhMyGoat · 2013-09-12T22:07:32+00:00

I think the three of them can work. It can depend on the relationship you have with the woman, but more so it depends on the mood and situation you're in. Just go with what you feel is right would be my advice :)

2013-09-10T02:24:44+00:00

You should remember that different women also prefer different feelings of how in control a guy is. Not everyone wants an alpha, and personally I would rather be asked the "How about we...?" than either of the other two. It gives me comfort that I'm not nder pressure while feeling like the giy has some confidence.

Mister__S · 2013-09-10T07:03:42+00:00

Noted, Saved, and up voted. Thanks OP

Title	Language game: Use the imperative form when making plans
Author	goetz_von_cyborg
Upvotes	258
Comments	45
Date	September 9, 2013 11:54 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1m2idu/language_game_use_the_imperative_form_when_making/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/language-game-use-the-imperative-form-when-making.1358094 https://theredarchive.com/post/1358094

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