Lessons learned from my first game-assisted relationship

So I just ended my first game-assisted relationship. It lasted about two months and was both a great time and quite the learning experience.

My analysis: * in the beginning, my game was strong enough to attract her & bring her home & initially, she was fucking crazy about me (triple F-close our first night together)

she said she didn't want a bf but we became exclusive pretty quickly and were acting like a couple without a title
we really connected over tons of music, late nights out, and frequent & incredible kinky sex
as I got comfortable and started reciprocating her affection, I gave compliments too easy and made myself too available, subconsciously making her lose some of the attraction she felt towards me. (no relationship game)
at the same time we were having an amazing time together going out with mutual friends and generally being adventurous.
she started backing off when she started having strong feelings about me (she told me this today after I called off our exclusivity) because she didn't want to be in a relationship and she couldn't keep it casual. I pretty much felt the same way and she could tell that I was getting more attached too.
when she started being distant, I backed off and gave her some space. This didn't help, 2 weeks went by were she was obvious still backing off though we hooked up twice.
I decided to end it and she immediately opened up and gushed her feelings about how she was getting attached for a minute and backed off because shes not looking for something serious at this point in her life. I thought she had retreated because I started getting affectionate but it was actually a combination of that and her own issues with growing attached.

Lessons: * don't let down your game because she's into you. you must keep her seeking your attention & affection or she will slowly lose interest, EVEN IF YOU ARE VERY COMPATIBLE

if she says she's not looking for a boyfriend, don't do bf/gf stuff if you want to keep the casual relationship going. With casual relationships you should only be seeing each other once or twice a week, not everyday.
when you see things fading, be the one to call it off and don't wait around trying to make something work if she's no longer feeling it. Starting over is easier than rekindling attraction and letting her go will either make her want you again or leave you in the same place you were at if she remains uninterested.
when I told her we shouldn't be exclusive anymore she was in agreement but said "don't disappear though, I don't want to hear from you JUST for booty calls" (she still wants to hook up occasionally and be friends. Eventually she's going to make a great pivot)

Thoughts?

[–]lynch03 68 points69 points70 points 15 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link

[–]smokeshack 8 points9 points10 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]frogma 32 points33 points34 points 15 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

You're wrong though. We all wish you were right, but you're not.

If your natural "self" gets jealous fairly easily, there's a good chance the girl will dump you at some point (and in order to not be jealous, you need to have a good amount of experience with relationships). If you're naturally clingy, same thing- if you're more invested in the relationship, by definition that means she's less invested, and thus more likely to want to end it.

I'd venture to guess about 85-90% of guys aren't at a point where they don't get jealous/clingy/overly-invested. Those guys can still have decent relationships (I certainly did), but those relationships are bound to end. Most relationships are bound to end, and if you're in a bad spot (where you don't want it to end, but she does), then you're fucked.

Even the guys who are married their whole lives don't necessarily have good relationships- they stay with the wife because that's how marriage works. That doesn't make it "good" though.

Trust me, I've been in a number of relationships that were just like what you're talking about. They ended. If you don't keep up the "game", which is just another way of saying "keep up the attraction/comfort/rapport/everything," then your relationship isn't too good (unless the girl's equally as inexperienced- so she won't dump you just because you get clingy or whatever). If you don't keep up the "game," you're lucky if the relationship lasts longer than a few years. Hopefully at some point you'll naturally learn how to "play" the "game" and keep the girl with you. If you don't though, the relationship's probably gonna end. That's just how it works.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 15 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link

You don't believe that there's a clingy man out there that has found a clingy woman, and they both love their clinginess together? You're describing the world in black and white. Jealousy is a bad thing? I'm generally not ok with another guy touching (and I don't mean shaking hands) some one I'm dating, I wouldn't be ok with that, and I would communicate that to her. Jealousy is a side effect, and sure, there's going to be some guys who get jealous at any thing, but there's normally some thing else going on due to that (troubled childhood, parent issues, or they might even be cheating).

I'm getting the impression that you guy's think you have to stay vigilant on your "game" in order to keep a woman interested, and that's so totally wrong. How can you ever be yourself when your constantly second guessing if what you said is the right thing in that current situation? Or if you shouldn't have done this, and what would have happened if you had done that. No one could ever do that and let their guard down enough to actually love some one. And besides, what is a relationship if you never know who the other person really is? I certainly don't want to fall in love with a lie.

[–]frogma 4 points5 points6 points 15 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]frogma 2 points3 points4 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I generally disagree. As you get better at game, and have more relationships, it'll get to a point where you don't get jealous at all, no matter what the girl does. She can even fuck around with other guys, but when you don't get jealous, she'll just naturally lose the desire to do it (and if you're already high-value and shit, she won't do it in the first place).

I agree on the second part- dealing with shit should just become natural. The "game" never stops, because "game" itself isn't simply defined by routines and shit- it's about how you handle situations (and that's universal, no matter what point you're at in a relationship).

Your game will eventually get to a point where you're not jealous, or clingy, or any of that shit. We're all capable of that. It just takes experience and a healthy mindset.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Ok, I can agree with that. Not to play devil's advocate, but why do we have to call it "game" when we can really just attribute it to self esteem? There's a lot of things we can do to improve this. If you push yourself to do things that boost your self-esteem you will naturally become a better lover and a better person overall. And this doesn't have to just be in a relationship. If you push yourself to succeed, and you push yourself to be the best at things that are important to your life, and with the right attitude, you can become a more self-confident person.

If you train yourself to naturally react that way in all situations, I feel like you could be able to raise your self-esteem. But why beat around the bush? And not only that, but if you just train yourself to be a certain way in any given relationship, it feels like it takes some thing away from it all, to me at least.

[–]frogma 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Self-esteem is purely about you and has nothing to do with anyone else. Game- while mostly about you- still takes into account the other person. It's always gonna be a 2-way street if 2 people are involved. Game is about handling your shit, for the most part, but it's also about handling the girl. Focusing on self-esteem will definitely help you (this is what most guys have done throughout history), but real game still requires you to be able to feed off the girl and gauge her responses and shit.

Just go to a bar on Friday and watch it play out. If your self-esteem is super awesome, you'll probably do pretty well for yourself. At the same time, actual "game" is what helps you deal with girls in general, especially when they don't give a shit about your self-esteem (which often happens).

All of the basics of "game" can be boiled down to self-esteem, but there's still a lot of shit that's separate from that (bitch-shields and shit-tests, for example. Self-esteem can still help you with those, but it's also helpful to know specifically how to deal with bitch-shields).

[–][deleted] 15 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]frogma 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]frogma 7 points8 points9 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

The difference is that he's saying to stop the "game" and just be natural. That only works if the "natural" you is an alpha, high-value guy. If the natural you isn't that, then the relationship will either end or you'll luckily be dealing with a girl who's got the same issues (though those relationships eventually end too, no matter how great they are for however long).

If you're not at the point where acting "natural" means you don't get clingy, jealous, or overly invested, then your relationship will most likely end. If you are at the point where you're actually high-value, you're solid, but I'd still argue that you have to keep working on holding the attraction and shit if you want the relationship to continue. That's what I do, and it's what I've been doing since before I knew anything about the "seduction" community. I know most guys can't pull that off. Seriously- and take this to heart- 85-90% of guys can't pull that off to the point where the girl doesn't eventually leave them.

[–]humberfut 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]elmcityalpha[S] 2 points3 points4 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

No you're definitely misunderstanding the way things work. If you are naturally clingy, you have to recognize that acting "naturally" is going to push her away. I am "naturally" a nice guy who is overly affectionate and wears my emotions on my sleeve. When I started getting comfortable, I started acting "naturally" and since I'm not naturally that good with women, it screwed things up.

Game is about calibrating your natural personality into something that is more attractive to women. You don't have to change your behavior completely, you just have be aware of what your actions are conveying to the girl you are interested in.

Clinginess and being overly affectionate are NOT good traits to have as a man and Game is about learning how to subdue some of our natural but negative traits and developing positive qualities like being unpredictable, being independent, being dominant and being in control, and most importantly, learning how to be confident enough to not rely on a woman for validation of your emotional insecurities.

If you are a "natural" and already display those qualities, congratulations on getting laid constantly and feeling comfortable around all women.

If you aren't a natural ladies man then welcome to Seddit, RTFS.

[–]Nexism 3 points4 points5 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]sch3ct3r 2 points3 points4 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]westvillagegrk 5 points6 points7 points 15 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]elmcityalpha[S] 4 points5 points6 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Absolutely. It's ok to pay her compliments but you still have to keep her guessing and make her continue to seek your validation or she will inevitably drift.

The thing that sucks is I started looking into relationship game right as I noticed she had started drifting and i started turning the tide by backing off and being less touchy but by then, it was too late. She had already changed her perception of me. She told me that in the past she's had a lot of guy friends get really really into her and ruin the friendship and she felt like I was into her more than she was into me. Not true, as soon as I saw things weren't going well, I didn't waste much time before ending it.

The good thing is that because I didn't beg her to stay or say "we can make this work!" like most AFC's, I called it off so now she still wants to be friends and even mentioned booty calls too. If I dragged it on and tried to rekindle the attraction that i know was legitimately there, I would have reinforced the notion that I was head over heels for her and pushed her away. I'm going to go 2 weeks or so without contact and then see if she wants to come over late night (pretty confident that will happen)

[–]westvillagegrk 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]movenomore 3 points4 points5 points 15 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]elmcityalpha[S] 3 points4 points5 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Yea that's the way I think too and I kinda figured that she was into how things were going because she wanted exclusivity & just had an aversion to the BF/GF title. I figured, I don't care what we call it, if we are acting like BF/GF, then I'm happy.

When I met her I wasn't looking for a gf but things were going so well, I started to think 'this girl is everything I'm looking for, why bother to continue looking for other people?'

Here's the thing. Even if you DO want a relationship with a girl, it messes up the dynamic because naturally, girls hold the keys to sex, guys hold the keys to a relationship. If the dynamic is reversed, girls find it weird when a guy wants a relationship more than they do and guys get weird when a girl wants sex more than he does (usually).

For things to work the way they are supposed to, guys should want a relationship slightly less than the girl does and the girl should want sex slightly less than the guy. We subconsciously want to work for those things and if they come too easy, they have less value.

So as a guy, let HER push for a relationship, even if you like her. Things work better that way.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]elmcityalpha[S] 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]chumpta 3 points4 points5 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]GKW 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]elmcityalpha[S] 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	Lessons learned from my first game-assisted relationship
Author	elmcityalpha
Upvotes	50
Comments	31
Date	July 22, 2011 4:00 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/iwwfi/lessons_learned_from_my_first_gameassisted/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/lessons-learned-from-my-first-game-assisted.1320510 https://theredarchive.com/post/1320510

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