low self esteem

2019-01-09T18:25:10+00:00

Is say this is more complicated for reddit to give advice. Seems like you could benefit from seeing a therapist about these issues.

KatuKhan · 2019-01-09T17:01:31+00:00

It sounds like you could definitely benefit from developing some personal goals at first. Try to start out small and develop yourself from there. You can do things like start on your fitness and work on your mindset, find a hobby/interest you always wanted to do.

Get out of that loop of negative thinking. The more negative feedback loop you give yourself the less confidence you will have and room for developing yourself in a more positive direction.

Don't be outcome dependent, exhibiting neediness is a surefire way of being dependent on what you expect. Have no expectations, and just go with the flow. Relax.

I would also recommend meditation, relaxation techniques are good to practice. As little as 10 mins can help you a long way in a day.

You should give Mark Manson's Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck a read, and his book Models as well.

Here's a nice guide on Inner Game I think would be great for you.

One guide for the Cerebral Introvert.

I don't have all the answers, but I hope that this helps you on your way to self-development. Least you had the courage to share a vulnerability and seek help.

You are on your way. Good luck!

painisego · 2019-01-09T20:24:06+00:00

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the_christian_grey · 2019-01-09T17:04:06+00:00

That's a horrible situation, I'm sorry to hear that. Definitely don't let the bullies win. You should see a professional therapist if at all possible.

I would avoid looking for advice on Reddit, because unfortunately there is a ton of negativity and people tearing each other down here.

Also I recommend watching some of Jordan Peterson's videos. He's a clinical psychologist and is great at motivating people without blowing smoke up our ass. Here's a link to one:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xm_2zmX6Akc

Best of luck to you brother.

2019-01-09T20:12:31+00:00

Read "ten days/steps to self esteem" by david burns

painisego · 2019-01-09T21:09:00+00:00

Such great advice, thank you all so much for reaching out to support a complete stranger.

Phenxz · 2019-01-09T20:51:45+00:00

Hey man. Listen, you need professional help to deal with your past traumas. Do that first and the women will follow. Seek out a psychologist and get help.

WildinCuzImYoung · 2019-01-09T19:29:57+00:00

Ok first search up 6 pillars of self esteem audiobook on youtube or better yet get the book it changed my life. Similar to your experience.

Second priorities money/career and fuck all the other bullshit like girls liking or not liking you. If you find that stressful or whatever imagine how much worse it will feel when the stress of financial uncertainty or being forced to work a life draining dead end job you hate will feel like ADDED ON TOP OF THAT.

Seriously just sit down do nothing and listen to that book anything I write wont be as good as it.

PS have hope and look on the bright side, think about the previous challenges you faced in life thinking they were impossible yet you overcame those too this one is no different. You stress about shit but the only problem there is is the one you create, as long as you have a plan and are taking action let go and focus on the process of doing something to get there one day instead of the results and failure. Win or learn like conor mcgregor says. If you played a video game and died did you just quit or kept retrying until you got it right?

hydrolith · 2019-01-09T20:08:44+00:00

Hey thanks for your comment, part of me wants to say hey I know exactly how you feel and I kind of feel the same way a lot of the time. Another part of me wants to say, is it really as bad as you make it out to be? Since I've done some audio recording approaches and I listen to myself I find that I sound so lame and weak. At least I'm taking the risk and approaching but where is my energy and my humor?

I suspect a lot of the positive attractive elements don't have to do with simply getting better at approach they have to do with having a more fulfilling life. Not working with people that I don't feel so in tune with. Working on projects I really love. Having friends that make life better, these things. These things all seem to be missing and life seems to be really confusing. I get a sense of being lied to and taken advantage of my a whole host of crazy energies.

My best advice is that you reach out on reddit just like you did. Stay in contact and hopefully we can work through these issues together. We both learning from AND teaching each other. Stay in touch man!

TTV-DontEvnTrip · 2019-01-09T20:26:59+00:00

That sucks man I’m really sorry you have been betrayed and abused like this. Talking about it is a huge step good job on being able to post this even if it’s to complete strangers! Talking will help take some power away from over you. Second the Post about goal setting is huge! I’ve been depressed like you , my father committed suicide when I was younger I’ve always hurt from it . And I feel like I might have some chemical things that make me feel the same at times. Reminding yourself that you can’t let them win is a start , but find some type of challenges that you can start to tackle. Go for a short run until you are tired , then the next day try to push a little deeper. Read a book and finish it that is a great and easy challenge. And make a girl your friend , not sexual partner but look for a friend in the opposite sex. Just making a friend that’s a girl will help you open yourself up , which is a must in a real relationship. Good luck man , don’t give up . You have already been through the worst of it now enjoy the climb back up

2019-01-09T20:58:39+00:00

I recommend reading conversations with God book1 , 2 . It's a life changer and will help you see things from a different angle even if you're not into the whole religious thing. It's not really a religious book despite the tittlea bit more spiritual. Neal Donald Walsh. The book is amazing. But yeah mark Mason's stuff is good too.

techie_boy69 · 2019-01-09T21:02:00+00:00

hi Mate thank you for being honest and reaching out that's a massive thing, abuse is evil and destructive. You need specialist help to come to terms with the abuse and allow yourself to fix your self image as its likely broken and you have probably become a zombie to protect yourself, once you get on the path your self esteem will emerge, I've been their and I made it back. I learn't to stop the guilt and forgive myself and love myself and it doesn't haunt me and leak into my life all the time.

good luck

Avataroffaith · 2019-01-10T04:43:12+00:00

I know of a man born without limbs who was bullied for that during his childhood. He went from trying to suicide one day to be married, with children and I think millionaire too (many years later). He is called Nick Vujicic. I suggest you look for his videos in youtube about how he overcame the worst of the worst.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Roly__Poly__ · 2019-01-10T05:16:47+00:00

Therapy.

edit: I'll even do you one better.

Therapy is sold TERRIBLY. Go find me a website that has great sales copy for therapy. I'll wait.

Just do an exercise for me to help sell it to yourself. You want to know if it's worth the investment of time and money right?

Imagine what it would be like to see and hear yourself acting with good self esteem. What do you look like, how does it feel to be you? How many new and positive behaviors will you use that you cannot or will not now?

Call up a therapist and ask them those kinds of questions. Find out from a dozen or so therapists what kind of results you might be able to get -- they can't tell you personal details but probably they can give you some vague descriptions.

Remember to "time-stretch" the value of therapy for yourself. You invest the money and time once. Maybe you have to switch therapists 2-3 times to find the right one. Whatever, because AFTERWARDS? You spend *the rest of your life* experiencing the benefits.

painisego · 2019-03-09T12:43:44+00:00

Hello brother, first keep your head up, you're now sailing into a whole new life, you don't know how much your life will change if you can start healing yourself. I'm 24 years old male, I'm in the same place, I'm healing right now, I've been through all the same things as you did, including sexual abuse, and all the rest of the shit, I got bullied, abused by my own 2 parents, but now I have some good materials and knowledge about how to process on the healing path that I've gathered in last 2 years, I wish I asked this same question you did 2 years ago. Please pm me if you want to talk, we can be partners in this healing process, helping each other supporting each other, venting about all these issues etc. Since men are not allowed to vent, share, get emotional and be weak in the society, I guess it could be helpful for both of us to talk out of this shit.

curiouscat369 · 2019-06-07T07:39:07+00:00

Hey man,

I can empathize with you one so many levels. I too was bullied as kid, abandoned by my father, molested thrice, lived in less than favourable financial conditions despite of hailing from a noble family, being extremely intelligent but losing it all to learning disabilities in a third world banana republic, being ignored as a duckling and not knowing what to do when I became the swan, HAVING EVERYTHING AND NOTHING AT THE SAME TIME.

The world sure looked ugly, until I made some changes, I sarted reading, philosophy, got into stoicism, and read more books. Hit the gym, started meditating, I confronted what I feared, sued my schools for destroying my educational life, went up to my bullies and asked them whether they regret any of their deeds (they do) Started taking GABA, Theanine and Rhodiola to keep me up, read Mark Manson, W.Anton and other principle based pickup books, though, I started off with the Mystery Method.

I encountered many hurdles, but I've had the resilience of an ant. And yea, therapy works, but avoid SSRIs as far as you can, settle for Cognitive Behaviohral Terapy and keep the meds as the last go to.

Rest assured, you will find your way.

If you ever need anyone to talk to. Just PM me. :)

Title	low self esteem
Author	painisego
Upvotes	33
Comments	38
Date	January 9, 2019 4:29 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ae8h2b/low_self_esteem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/low-self-esteem.1460214 https://theredarchive.com/post/1460214

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