Maintaining the correct mindset at all times - how?

matisseman · 2013-03-25T22:18:44+00:00

Dealt with a similar problem over the last month. My interest level in this amazing girl was above 90% after the first 4 dates, and I slipped up and started telling her how I felt about her, I made a jealous statement, and other mistakes. Things went South quickly, and now I can't even set a firm date with her. I've been studying 'The System' lately and it states clearly not to share your feelings with a girl at least for the first 9 dates, or until you are in a relationship. I think the best thing is always using self-control and pretending you don't like her, that you could afford to lose her. Remain a challenge always.

Maphistow · 2013-03-25T22:49:32+00:00

I noticed a similar trend in my game actually, it's super easy for me to open on anyone and start conversations. However when I come across a girl I've met already, I sometimes have difficulty maintaining a flowing conversation.

What usually happens to me is that I start worrying about the outcome, I apply a filter to my thoughts instead of letting them flow freely. I worry to much about what she is going to think of me when I say X or Y. Instead of being in the zone like I'd normally would be around good friends or strangers, I create a set off artificial barriers to constrain me.

Next time I notice this I'm just going to be completely outcome independent; I'm just going to say and do what I want before I can worry about what might happen. It's that filter you apply to yourself that puts you in your head rather then expressing yourself freely, so better act before that can happen then after.

This is something I'm gonna try maybe you find it useful as well.

themoor · 2013-03-26T09:39:05+00:00

I've been on both sides of this fence and sometimes wonder why with girl A I remain aloof and outcome independent and with girl B I slip into chasing, AFCing, beta-izing myself, etc. Both girls can be of same quality too.

Just a few things I've kept in mind in these situations:

Don't pile expectations on her. If you act like you want something from her, she'll feel pressure and girls hate that.

What you chase will run from you.

Girls will sense your neediness way before you do. You gotta kill it.

We tend to assume girls like us more and in a romantic way than they actually do; often, she's just being friendly and likes us okay, but we read way more into it than she intends.

If you act like you can take her or leave her, it will pique her interests more than if you lay your heart out on you sleeve; never do that

The hotter the girl, the more she's heard it all before. Don't compliment her on her looks, tell her she's hot, etc. Tell her she's funny or fun or has a great way of carrying herself, something she can take responsibility for.

Girls you are gaming will notice how you treat other people. If she senses you treat her differently than other people (except those times when you are in isolation and escalating) she'll see you as a faker.

When you start feeling overly attracted to a girl who has given you signs of interests, you have to fight that feeling to contact her constantly or always been in her space when she's around. Make her do a little of the work.

Don't focus only on one girl at a time. If a girl you've only recently met senses that you see her as the only one for you and she has not reciprocated, then you'll only scare her off and seem desperate.

When gaming a hottie that makes you feel like you are beta-backsliding, work the interaction in a way to get her to laugh, bust her chops, tease, etc., but do it in a way not to impress her but to amuse yourself. This will help you see that she's a little girl on the inside, not a mysterious puzzle you have to crack. It will elevate you in her eyes while calming down your anxiousness.

Learn to be indifferent to her beauty and your rising interest. You've heard it all before, but be willing to walk away. That sort of strength is attractive and it helps your inner game. If you lose the girl, you'll do it without choding out and maybe leave the door open for the future. She might even wonder what SHE did to make you lose interest.

She ISN"T unique. There's lots like her out there. She doesn't want to play along with your agenda? Fine, move on, her loss...fill in cliche's here.

noahbdh · 2013-03-26T01:18:47+00:00

Had the same happen to me last fall. Did everything right, then got emotional and stopped "playing the game". She lost all interest.

loviathar · 2013-03-26T03:18:17+00:00

Video by Owen of RSD on the Short-Term vs Long-Term Mating Mind.

Seemed relevant. Might be helpful, might not.

recyclablebantha · 2013-03-26T04:47:33+00:00

It all seems to drastically change when my view of her changes - when I consider the possibility of a longterm relationship I just seem to be crushed down mentally

This, in all honestly, sounds like a candidate for cross-posting in /r/relationships. But I'll take a crack anyway.

I find myself barging into my old self and trying hard to make her laugh, not knowing what to say, becoming clumsy and dependant. It rarely ends up well as you may guess, for reasons that need not be explained.

Be more specific. You mention actions but those are just symptoms: What thoughts are running through your mind? What emotions are you feeling before you start falling into your old self?

Is there something I can do to keep myself the same in such a situation?

I can get away with "longer" lasting relationships by not allowing myself to devote onto her, but I don't believe this would bring the same joy to me that being "all-in" with someone cherished would and I'm sure that's not how it's supposed to be.

Look, there is no magic bullet answer to this issue. No prescriptions for behavior are going to help you here. In fact placing faith in a magic bullet is possibly the problem here: Some pick-up methods are great for short term gain but poor for cultivating the mentality you need for an actual long term relationship. I don't know what your method is, but you should consider this as a possibility. Actually listening to what you've said here, I think that your method of pick-up is fun for you in the short term, but something about it doesn't line up with what you want in a long term relationship.

Again, without knowing what your method is like, I could only say that some methods involve less actual connecting with people and more game playing. The problem with this is that, when you find someone you might want to date long term, you're then faced with a lose-lose situation:

Drop the front, lose much of what was driving the relationship, and find that you've gotten rather far into the relationship without building a good, real foundation. Relationship ends soon after.
Maintain the front and feel miserable because it stands between you and actually connecting with the other person in a way you find meaningful.

Does this describe what you've been experiencing?

You may also consider that your method is possibly not attracting the right people to you, at least not the right people for a real relationship. A lot of girls who are attracted by certain approaches/methods are not long term relationship material. When this is the case, switching over to a long term relationship mentality will kill it. Even worse, some girls actually need the games in order for it to feel right. Although I find that this is less and less the case, when you start dealing with actual WOMEN (24 or 25-ish and up).

For methods with an eye for the long term inner game, look for someone like David Wygant. (Here's a longer talk about how to approaching and connecting naturally and here is a 3 minute summary he gives of his overall philosophy .

But back to your question, I couldn't say more without feedback to the questions I posed above.

EDIT: Clarified one part of my post, added a link.

2013-03-26T03:57:36+00:00

Just constantly remind yourself to stay calm and not become needy when you feel like your mind is telling you to turn into a wuss. Alot of it has to do with reasoning over your emotions, your emotions are probably telling you that you have to start sucking up to her when you see a long term relationship as an option, but listen to your reasoning and continue being the confident/leading man you were when you met her.

Neverd0wn · 2013-03-31T20:46:06+00:00

Seems to me that you are getting needy / outcome dependant. There are quite a few articles around on how to overcome this mental problem.

Title	Maintaining the correct mindset at all times - how?
Author	Stand_Above
Upvotes	41
Comments	26
Date	March 25, 2013 9:38 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1azztw/maintaining_the_correct_mindset_at_all_times_how/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/maintaining-the-correct-mindset-at-all-times-how.1349490 https://theredarchive.com/post/1349490

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