Need advice on how to prevent being intimidated

frogma · 2011-06-16T02:18:24+00:00

There aren't really any practical things you can do, but visualization is useful. Picture her being uglier, picture yourself making all the right moves, or just focus on yourself and pretend she's not even there- pretend she's a dummy or something. Or if she has a few faults, focus on those and ignore everything else. Remember that she's pretty nervous too, even if she doesn't seem to be. Just remember that she's a girl and you're a guy- she's not above your level in any way.

heckz · 2011-06-16T03:22:25+00:00

There is no magic bullet for this. It takes practice and continually talking to hotter and cooler girls so that it stops becoming a big deal. Also, try to forget that you like her and think of her as a friend if it is affecting your game.

Polemicist82 · 2011-06-16T04:54:20+00:00

Own your lack of confidence! Whenever you know you are good at something, you feel confident in it, there's less on your mind because the activity is unconscious (whether it's drums, sports, philosophy, art, women, sex, or whatever.) Because there is less for you to be consious of, you perform well because your prefrontal cortex isn't doing all of the work and you aren't getting all stressed out. So... what happens when you aren't confident? You overwork your prefrontal cortex and get stressed out, then as your ability to rationalize fades, you feel stupider (because at that point you Are measurably stupider,) and that becomes a feed forward loop of feeling awful and looking stupid. So the trick I found works for me in those situations.. Own your lack of confidence. Feel good knowing that no one can possibly be more incompetent than you in that field. If it gets you to laugh at yourself and relax, then it's working. From that point, in your spare time you can practice it if it's important to you (say you want to be better at basketball or coordination or whatever.) A good example of feeling confident about not being confident would be karaoke. I can't sing for shit. (I may want to get better at some point, but it's not of much importance to me.) But, when I go up and sing Weird Al's White and Nerdy or Ray Parker Jrs. 'Ghostbusters,' I'm a God! I know I suck, but I have fun, and people laugh and love it. I'm very surprised when I make this kind of an ass out of myself in front of a love interest and they like me more. They see me confident in an area that they are not, they see me getting all kinds of social proof from people who don't know me, and they feel more comfortable to be themselves. It's a win win. "Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive." -Bugs Bunny

heckz · 2011-06-16T02:57:26+00:00

Pretend she has an STD.

atlasthebard · 2011-06-16T00:06:36+00:00

I feel you man. This is my biggest sticking point as well.

howdoiupvote · 2011-06-16T00:10:12+00:00

I don't have a solution I'm afraid. Just thought I'd comment saying that I'm the opposite. Not so good in groups (unless I have high status in the group), a lot better 1 on 1 when I know it's on and I just have to have fun with her, make things physical and let shit happen. No other guys competing for her attention, she's completely focused on you and as long as you're not in a public place she doesn't worry about looking like a slut. So there are big advantages when you're alone. The best thing for you to do is just relax and make your goal to JUST HAVE FUN rather than INITIATE LIGHT KINO HERE, USE ESCALATION ROUTINE HERE, HURR DURR ROBOT PICKUP MODE. Yano what I mean? If you're already teasing, funny and confident that kind of stuff will put you inside your head and stifle you.

sleepingwithsirens · 2011-06-16T03:54:37+00:00

Well consider what happens if you screw it up: You become friends and now you have great social proof to help you meet other women.

RedPosterboard · 2011-06-16T15:37:41+00:00

One thing that is easy to do is to try to do some state-building before meeting her. Listen to some music that gets your pulse up in a good way, dance around on your own, tell yourself how "you da man", etc.

Smile while doing this, even if it's only a fake smile to begin with. Isn't it just awesome that you're going to meet her alone... don't you think?

Whenever you start to fear that you'll be intimidated again, cut the crap, do some positive reframing, smile, and tell yourself how awesome it is and how you're gonna rock her world (...and maybe her bed too).

insanecanibal · 2011-06-15T23:57:16+00:00

Maybe it's the wrong advice, but when i'm with a girl that i feel intimidated i drink alcohol. It depends how old you are as well.

Title	Need advice on how to prevent being intimidated
Author	IAMA_monkey
Upvotes	4
Comments	24
Date	June 15, 2011 11:45 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/i0r8y/need_advice_on_how_to_prevent_being_intimidated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/need-advice-on-how-to-prevent-being-intimidated.1319328 https://theredarchive.com/post/1319328

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