When I was younger, I went to a lot of raves. I used to be somewhat more social, but I blame that a lot on doing drugs with these people, which opened me up in a lot of ways. There was this girl that used to hang around with us, did not smoke much or anything else but she would just hang around. We had chatted and hung out with each other a bit here and there. One night we were hanging out at my car at a mall parking lot when I noticed, she was trying to get in my field of view. It had been going on for a while, I had realized, but this was the first time I recognized it as meaning something. I looked at her, sitting there at the edge of the back seat of my car, looking at me. I remember it very clearly. It was suddenly unmistakable, that she wanted me, and my attention. I remember moving two people out of the way, so that I could make my way to her, push her back into my car, get on top of her and make out. She would be my first.

Fast forward to today. I am an incredibly skilled salsa dancer. There is this incredibly hot young girl who remembers my dance moves and mentions it tonight. I always notice her smiling a lot when she dances with me, and there is this one particular very flirty move I did with her last time that when I did it got her laughing a lot. After we danced tonight, I mentioned perhaps I will catch her for a bachata later, which is a different dance in a different room. She says sure, and goes straight for the bachata room. I got it right then and there, that she was getting in my way, trying to get to my attention, and to me. I just froze. I started kind of freaking out. This girl is incredibly hot, so hot the main salsa instructor tries to pick her up and gets nowhere, and yet here she is, being compliant with me and... I just bitch out. I don't know what it is. I am mindfucked somehow. I keep trying to think back to how I made this work before, and I chalk it up to doing drugs and not letting my thoughts get to me. I don't do that any more. I have been sober for years and yet, it's cockblocking me. I have no idea what to do.