About a week ago, I wrote a post on this sub in which I expressed my intention to begin an exercise in which I went out and approached women each weekend until I had approached 100, and asked whether it would be acceptable for me to post nightly accounts of such ventures on this sub in order to keep motivated (SelectSelect75 (u/SelectSelect75) - Reddit). All of the commenters expressed that this would be acceptable, so unless someone else tells me otherwise, I’ve decided to commence doing this. The following post comprises account #1 (my first night of the exercise).

Context and goals:

On my first night, I attended a bar-crawling Meetup, to be held at an up-market inner-city bar, which I used to attend almost every weekend prior to covid, and where I already knew some people. This would entail an unintimidating environment, and afford me a pretext for approaching. My goal for the night was extremely simple and easy: to approach one woman – although I’d get to reward myself if I approached three – and to simply gauge where I stood; to reacclimatize myself to being in such an environment and interacting with other people after such a long time. No pressure if I fumbled a bit; that was simply inevitable.

Account

On the day before my first night, I went over my list of tips, made sure my apartment was clean, and kept telling myself that I’d be able to do it. Immediately before going, I showered, put on deodorant, shaved, brushed my teeth and did my skincare regimen. I’d washed my hair the previous night, because my hair is long and takes a long time to dry – but feels soft and silky the day after I’ve washed it. I’d also intended to get a manicure that day, but couldn’t, as the parlor I used to go to had closed, and the others I found wouldn’t accept my credit card. But nevermind; how much of a difference could a manicure possibly have made? I debated whether to wear a black t-shirt or a collared button-up shirt, and would have preferred the former, but the website of the bar I was going to mentioned a collared shirt policy, and while I’d been to this bar before and had seen people flaunting this policy, I decided I’d rather be safe than sorry. I’ll admit I felt slightly nervous, but also a certain springy keenness.

On the way, I offered to hi-five on the street people to lower my inhibitions, but nobody hi-fived me back – possibly due to covid. The doorman at the bar did fist-bump me, however. I arrived at about 5:45 PM (the Meetup had begun at 5:00, but that was too early for me). Once I was in, I immediately noticed a problem which I’d noticed at this bar in the past – most of the people there, including most of the women, were considerably older than me. Nevertheless, I reintroduced myself to some people who I knew, sat, and waited to spot a woman within my age-range to get started. Promptly, I did, and although she was pretty unattractive, I resolved to get my first approach over and done with, so without thinking, I went over and started yammering. Please understand that, due to covid, I hadn’t spoken in much depth to almost anyone besides my own parents in almost a year, so my conversation skills were rusty, to say the least, and I didn’t really have any plan or any committed intention to apply any of the tips I’d memorized that night. I just wanted to get the approach over and then kinda wing it. So the conversation was fumbled and directionless – “blah blah you been here before?”, “blah blah what do you do?”, etc. Lots of “errs” and “umms”. It was obvious that neither of us was enjoying this or liked each other. I pulled out after about five minutes. Alright. Bam. Done. I had done what I had came here to do.

But approaching her had not been that hard. And in light of that, I wanted to get those bonus points, so I stuck around. Over time, more people arrived at the bar. These two really fit, handsome guys noticed me sitting alone, talked to me and I found my conversation skills starting to return somewhat. I told them about what I was doing. One of them offered to buy me a beer if I approached another woman – he spotted another one in my age-range and gestured at her. So again, without thinking, I went over to her. There was an almost immediate tenfold improvement over my first post-approach conversation. I felt much more at ease, and the conversation was much smoother. Alas, another guy came over and started talking to her too, and I don’t yet have any experience dealing with such situations, so I just had to grin and bear it. Before I slipped off, I asked if she’d enjoyed chatting to me that night, and she said that she had, but when she saw me pulling my phone out, she declined to give her number. Ah well; two down, one to go.

I approached a third woman – one out of my age-range, just to get it over with – and I could have gone home after that. But after that, I found myself on an approaching roll. The unexpected ease of the first three inspired me to stay, and just keep on approaching. One after another. I approached not one but three sets. I approached one whose boyfriend returned to her after all of 30 seconds, forcing me to beat a hasty retreat – although I found this so funny that I almost enjoyed it. I got immediately rejected once, but this had no effect on me. None of the post-approach conversations went much of anywhere – the conversation with the second woman was by far the best, and even that one was pretty mediocre. I was able elicit a few laughs, but that was about it. I tried some kino escalation, but none were receptive – again, possibly due to covid. Nevertheless, I felt encouraged by my own lack of anxiety. Ultimately, I approached seven times that night – having originally intended to only approach one.

I ended up leaving pretty early – around 8:45 PM. I could have kept approaching, but the only women left there I hadn’t approached yet were sets of much older women with whom I knew conversations would not go anywhere. And being in such an environment and talking to so many people in such rapid succession after such a long time had left me feeling overwhelmed and disoriented. I needed some space and some quiet. I went for a walk in the city outside. It didn’t matter. I had intended to approach one but had approached seven. As far as I was concerned, this was a big success. I had experienced zero approach anxiety. As far as I was concerned, this was a great sign. A great start.

To reward myself for having gone so far above and beyond, I went to… a strip club. So sue me, I hadn’t seen a woman naked in over a year, and wanted someone to approach me after I had approached so many times myself. All the same, while I was there, I decided to take the opportunity to work on my humor. When the first girl approached me and asked me if I’d like a dance, I attempted to look solemn and said: “Ah, maybe later. I’ll have to see how I feel, first. You see, I think I might be gay. And I’m here to gauge whether I am. I’ve been watching the dancer – but I’m more attracted to the pole. Have you any fake beards in the back you could wear?” She laughed, but I could tell that my delivery had been awful. This is another thing I’ll have to work on. I did eventually get a dance, and went home at about 10:45 PM.

Reflection

Well, my first takeaway from my first night out is that I have zero approach anxiety. Zero, zilch, zip, nada. I have absolutely no problem walking up and talking to a woman whatsoever. Not even to an attractive woman. Not even to a group of women. Not even to a group of attractive women. It simply isn’t an issue for me. At the same time, I don’t have any fear of rejection, either. This, I know, puts me a cut above numerous beginners, and instils me with confidence. It also means that I should be able to start approaching women at bars outside of Meetups, and women outside of bars altogether, sooner rather than later. And this I should do, if the demographics of this particular Meetup aren’t quite suited to me.

My post-approach conversation skills are… less than stellar, however, and I need to work on them. Need to work on maintaining control over the flow and not spiralling away into yammer. Need to work on speaking slowly and assuredly. Need to work on not saying “umm” and “err” so much. Need to work on actually putting into practice all the conversation tips I’ve compiled. If approaching isn’t an issue for me but conversating is; next time, I might concentrate on quality over quantity – on approaching fewer women but having longer, better conversations with them when I do.

Another thing which I think I might need to work on is sticking around for longer. I, personally, have never much cared for nightclub culture. The noise and the neon lighting against the darkness and the throng of people and the having to answer the same questions about where I’m from, what I do, etc. over and over again gets to me quickly. I arrive very early by the standards of the scene, and leave very early by the standards of the scene. I’ve never stayed out until, like, 4:00 AM. The prospect simply isn’t enjoyable at all to me. And such an environment/context isn’t conductive to picking up girls for me, either. I much prefer a quieter, more intimate environment; smaller, with fewer people, with less noise, and ideally where most people are seated. Presumably; either I have to work on this, or I have to start looking for bars that are more my speed (if anyone can recommend any such bars within the Melbourne CBD, I’d appreciate it). This is another reason as to why I might want to consider getting into day game.

What are your own thoughts? What things do you think I did right and what mistakes do you think I made? What do you think I ought to do next time? Please go easy on me; I am only a rookie. Polite, constructive, good-faith feedback is appreciated.

Tally

Primary goal: 100 approaches.

Secondary goal: 1 date.

Tertiary goal: 100 immediate rejections.

Approaches: 7.

Immediate rejections: 1.

Conversations: 5.

Phone number rejections: 1.

Phone numbers: 0.

Dates: 0.

Sex: 0.

Relationships: 0.

Breakups: 0.