No inner game?

norwegiandoggo · 2025-06-26T20:49:05+00:00

Confidence comes from improving your skills.

Think about how to improve your skills. Worry not about confidence. It will come automatically if you just work on learning the skills.

For example, if you don't know how to flirt: learn about flirting. Read a book! Expose yourself to countless examples of flirting in media.

Read every article on flirting you can find online. Every reddit post. Ask chatGPT etc. Etc. Get your head in flirting mode. Become a flirting expert.

Playfully practicing flirting in real life can be done without confidence. Your goal is not to succeed with women right now. Your goal is just to practice the skill!! Make many flirting mistakes!! Learn from it

Practice each relevant social skill. Then you'll get better. That will grow your confidence. Then you'll get more success. It's a process. Don't go straight for the end result.

Chicagoj1563 · 2025-06-26T21:17:02+00:00

The best advice I can give you is don’t look for advice to this in books or anywhere else thinking it’s going to change much.

This is going to require you to throw yourself into situations you are not comfortable in, and learn from experience. You build confidence from experiencing these situations, over and over, and making adjustments until you start getting positive outcomes. Then you will build confidence. You have to take risks.

Most of this is probably in your head. But you still need to go through the process.

One tip would be to not put on an act and try to impress the girl. Just amplify what’s already there. Use your natural personality and have fun with it. Don’t care about outcomes for the most part. Focus on the moment and start taking risks.

Don’t beat yourself up when you don’t do well. Learn to laugh at it, but at the same time make adjustments and experiment.

HistorianOk2573 · 2025-06-26T23:52:49+00:00

Confidence is a process which involves many steps.

Internal dialogue. The way you talk to yourself heavily impacts your self esteem. If you keep thinking things like “i don’t know why i even try” “i always fail”, “i am a loser”, “im an idiot”, “i suck with women”, “someone like me does not deserve to be liked or loved by women”... All of those thigns you say to yourself in your head will make your less confident in a steady manner. Because you are basically being a bad friend to yourself. If you talked like that to your friends when they fail, they would tell you to fuck off because you are making them feel even more shitty about themsleves. But when you do it with yourself you allow it, you keep attacking yourself and that destroys any self esteem you may have left.
Self acceptance. The problem is not having flaws. The problem is not accepting yourself with those flaws. You might be short, ugly, etc But the main problem here is your attitude about it. Girls are testing your character and strength. For girls the main problem is not that you are short or ugly or whatever flaw you may have, the problem is hating yoruself for having that flaw. That’s what the girls notice that you are not comofrtoable in your own skin, you aren’t happy with who you are. And that’s what turns them off more than anything. And yes girls will test you, they will call out your flaws. If you are fat they will say “you are fat”. That’s because they need to see your characte, your reaction to see if you truly feel good with yourself or are insecure. The way you react changes everything, if you act with self pity, embarrasment or anger you fail with women. If you choose not to take the “attack seriously” and can see that they are just testing you, then you just joke and say something like “Honey, this body screams sex appeal”. You just simply show her words don’t affect you, because you choose not to take yourself seriously. You simply are happy being fat and you know they aren’t really insulting you, but testing you. I don’t take seriously any tests of my character because it’s all a game for me. And when girls see that they quit the tests and stop being comfortable around you.
Accepting rejection and not basing your worh on it. The problem is you assume rejection = I’m worthless/inadaquate/loser... This makes you highly insecure since you based your worth on someone else’s judgment of yourself, a judgment that carries more weight than the judgment you have on yourself. You don’t know your worth or you don’t even appreciate your worth, so you base your worth based on what other people decides has value. As if their word was law, as if their criteria was the correct way to measure value, and your own criteria was the incorrect one. Why do you assume a person you know nothing about has a better criteria than you? What makes her qualified to have a better criteria? Nothing, and yet you let her opinion or judgement affect you emotionally. I choose my own criteria and i decide that everything about me is worth a lot, and if others don’t see that, i simply assume their criteria is bad. You may think this is a delusion, but you are also deluding yourself if you think their criteria is better than yours when you know nothign about them. So if you are gonna delude yourself, at least delude yourself in a way that benefits you.
Rejection doesnt mean you are undesirable, it just means you don’t connect with someone. A girl rejecting you means you are not compatible, and that you don’t connect with her emotionally or sexually. That isn’t a reflectio of your worth, or desaribility score. It’s absrud to imply that because not everyone you like has to like you back then that means you are not likeable. The problem however is that because you hate rejection then as soon as you get a 5 of them, then that’s it. That is enough for you to determine that no one in the entire country likes you. But what happens if you learn to deal with rejection? What if you learn to not take it personal so that it no longer affects you? What if getting rejected did not carry any emotional weight on you as if you offered them a chewing gum and rejected it because they don’t like it? You would not fear rejection and you would be ok taking more chances.

I'll keep writing below in a response cuz i reached the limit

epimpstyle · 2025-06-27T13:48:20+00:00

I’m pretty sure the problem is my inner game.

Are you sure that if you fix your inner game, all your problems will be solved? How many years do you need to work on your inner game? What if your inner game stays at the same level, your life is over and remain single forever?

Have you ever thought of giving more attention to your first impression by being clean, smelling good, having a decent haircut, wearing nice clothes, and, of course, not slouching?

I cannot flirt for the life of me

Do you know what flirting is? It's the moment you become playful with a girl and she accepts receiving attention from you. This is when you might wink at her, tell her all sorts of remarks or jokes... Why can't you do that? It's not about confidence BS, it's simply about not knowing how to transition from a regular conversation to a playful one. You can be the most confident guy in the world, but if you make a shitty transition, you become a weirdo. You can fix this problem with a few routines that will help you with transitions.

it always turns into meaningless small talk.

You need to learn how to include your funny stories in a conversation.

For example: "BTW, did I tell you about the time I was in XYZ-city... [insert a funny story]..." or... "Did you say you're a cashier/astronaut? No way! I have a friend who told me about her ex, who's also a cashier/astronaut, and he told... [insert a funny story]."

Most of the time, a beginner needs practical things, 'do this, do that', rather than being told how to think and how to feel. You might not be a millionaire but you don't need to be one as long as you have a good first impression and you are positive, friendly, optimistic and playful. You might not be an influencer with 100k followers, but if you're a plumber with charisma, you'll be surrounded by ladies. You might not have six-pack abs or be six feet tall, but there's no even need to be like that. Just avoid being chubby (it's not nice) and find ladies one inch shorter than you, and you're just perfect!

Don't talk about inner game, it's a waste of time. It actually makes you compare yourself with others and gives you the feeling that you're never good enough.

Velvettouch89 · 2025-06-26T20:55:16+00:00

You won't get the actual help you need through a reddit post from thousands of strangers. There is so much more toinner game than one post: the amount of time to break down what's going on involves deep questions and understanding from veterans.

PM if you want to go in depth

Calm_Cow_2106 · 2025-06-27T00:56:17+00:00

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MineDesperate2920 · 2025-06-27T15:48:00+00:00

You said it yourself that people can smell it on you or see it. It’s really all about the vibe with dating and girls seem to be hyper sensitive to this. So if it’s off they’ll pick up on it asap.

As far as fixing it it sounds like logically you have all the things in order you just need to see it a few times to gain confidence. And there’s only one way to do that by seeing it. So go out and fail a bunch until you start having success then you’ll gain momentum

bafun13 · 2025-06-28T10:59:51+00:00

Flirting is about making her feel desired

Title	No inner game?
Author	dpjglad
Upvotes	13
Comments	15
Date	June 26, 2025 8:37 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1llazgm/no_inner_game/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/no-inner-game.1555664 https://theredarchive.com/post/1555664

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