Please read the whole text I need help.. Situation: I am 17, a nice guy with low self esteem actually who never had a girlfriend, only made out with girls and had sex before but nothing serious like a relationship.

This year i fell in love with a girl I was pretty good friends with for 7 years. I have no idea about girls if it comes to a relationship or something like that. But I grew balls and after many weeks of depression only thinking that there are thousands of other guys taller, smarter, sexier, more beautiful than me(why should she love exactly me?) and after I went a lot with her a lot, sometimes over 8 hours after school, i told her about my feelings. I know this girl trusts me a lot, she is really amazing for me, she is kind, beautiful, sexy, funny, smart, etc. . The girl i really want.

Anyway, I told her and she told me that another guy she is really good friends with too just recently texted her that he loves her. At this point my mind crashed. I told her to make a decision soon (which was very retarded... If she loved me she would have wanted a relationship immediately as well back then) but gave her a lot of time because she was not sure about her feelings. I waited 3 fucking weeks, 3 fucking weeks full of depression. In these 3 weeks we were together for such a long time almost everyday, we spent almost the whole day together. 2 weeks in after i told her, she told me that she broke contact with the other guy because she realized that she does not love him. At this point I was blown away, I would have never thought that I could be so important to a girl and have an emotional connection.

I loved spending time with her but everytime I brought her home after spending hours with her I felt so bad because I didnt know if she loved me, but she knows that I love her. So 3 weeks passed and she told me that she thought a lot about it but doesnt love me, but she still wanted to have contact with me regularly and not break the contact like with the other guy. I was sad and furious. Why the fuck do you spend so much time with a guy if you dont love him anyway? I told her that i break contact now, that we cant go out like this anymore, cant talk like this anymore and write like this anymore. I told her that I hope that she thought a lot about this decision and becomes happy, because if she is happy, I am too. She said that she respects and likes how i treat her but yeah that doesnt help me anyway.

The next 2 weeks I didnt talk a single word to her. I see this girl everyday for about 7 hours, and my love to her is so fucking big you wouldnt believe it. I cant just forget her and move on.. I really need help, everytime I see her or even read her name I just get so sad.. The biggest problem is that it doesnt bother her at all I guess. I think she is ok and happy with the whole situation and now she is having contact with the other guy again. Recently we started talking again and as always we harmonize very well, but everytime I see her I get so sad because I know that she doesnt love me as I love her.

Reddit, I love this girl so much but I dont know what to do. I feel so bad since I fell in love with her (4months). Right now I am at the worst point where I feel useless, boring, ugly, etc. While she is happy, and that is the point that makes me so sad... I am at the end even my grades became so bad and I am having problems with friends, there are nights where I cry myself to sleep sometimes... How can I turn everything better? I would have never thought that I could get fucked so hard by any girl on this planet. I still love her so much but dont know what to do. I am this typical nice guy with low self esteem that does not have a large circle of friends or family.

Sorry for this wall of text but I am really feeling so bad. I dont wanna live on like this anymore. I really needed to get this off my mind since I have no one to talk about. As if anyone read this to the end anyway but yeah.