Paying for dinner. Yea or Nay?

rodeva · 2012-10-17T20:49:05+00:00

For myself personally (and I'm sure a few others on here will also agree with me) is that you should not really be going on a dinner date on the first date. It's tough for kino-escalation and building attraction (as you are likely seated across from each other), and so many other AFC guys just want to go out to dinner and a movie (as if no girl has heard of this idea before).

To answer your initial question, on a first date, go to a couple of places. Sometimes I like to start a bar/coffee bar then move to get something else (maybe ice cream, something small to nibble on etc.). When it comes time to pay the bill for the first venue, mention that you'll get this one but she can get the next one. I have never had a girl disagree with me (and if she does, you probably don't want to be seeing her anyways). This still shows chivalry but in a much more confident and alpha manner.

itsmevichet · 2012-10-17T20:54:13+00:00

Why you going to dinner on a first date?

Shit, man, you want to spend time getting to know each other and having fun, not stuffing your face.

If you want a good dinner where you can actually socialize and where it would be sensible for each person to pay part of the bill, go for tapas. It's all based around sharing, booze, and eating slow.

However, tapas is expensive - it'll run you at least 30 bucks each for a good meal, before drinks.

So, first dates:

Dancing
Drinks
Cheap show (open mic comedy, improv shows, theater, etc)
Park, bottle of wine, good stories
Anything but dinner

Dinner dates are for someone you already really enjoy spending time with, dude.

fatless · 2012-10-17T20:55:52+00:00

On a first date, dinner itself is a terrible idea, let alone worrying about who pays, because dinner dates are never really any fun, and it's usually difficult to kino at all. You'll probably feel like you're in interview mode, and worst, it's far more difficult and embarrassing for either of you to eject quickly from dinner if it's not going well.

For a first date, schedule a "quick drink" past dinner time (8pm-ish) and kino early, otherwise you're not going to get a 2nd date. At this point, I usually am fine with paying for a drink, as a reward for her coming out to see me. Note... don't buy a random girl a drink at a bar ever, because she hasn't earned it for simply being a female in your presence at a bar. If you don't want to do drinks for a first date, make sure it's some kind of activity where you can kino (bowling might be a nice idea, for example).

Feel free to pay for dinner(s) together for 2nd or 3rd dates if you're inclined to. At that point it's far less relevant to your chances of success or not with the girl.

frasier_crane · 2012-10-17T21:14:38+00:00

I always find that there are too many awkward silences in a first date dinner. I avoid it now. I prefer cinema or just a walk and ice cream

Penroze · 2012-10-18T00:37:22+00:00

Here's my rules. I don't need to repeat the no-dinner advice.

Never pay for a woman's drinks/coffee/whatever until you've actually bonded with her, unless it's something trivial like $4. It's pretty stupid to be sitting there trying to split a check under say $10.

Just let her know your rule ahead of time. Explain you think you're both getting something out of the date, and you both should expect to pay. Just be open and honest and genuinely friendly about it, and all will be fine.

If the girl really is honestly offended, or has some weird "well you asked me out, so you should pay" kind of thing, then to hell with her, she didn't really want to go out with you anyway. Most women aren't like this, and may be taken aback, but will certainly respect you for just being upfront about your intentions. Have some respect for yourself and have limits about what you'll do.

Once you've actually developed a more serious relationship, then you can either trade off paying, or one or you pays exclusively if the finances work out that way. You're a couple now, so you do what's best for both of you.

cma6250 · 2012-10-18T01:36:04+00:00

You luck bastard, simplepickup just put out a youtube video about what to do on a first date (the question game idea is pretty cool)! Just meet up at a store or park, and make sure there are a couple places close by that you can walk to while you talk. If there's coffee or food, my rule is to let the girl go first, and pay for her own stuff. I could go on about how a girl feels indebted to you for sex when you pay for stuff, but the truth is I've always ended up with a friend when I paid for the first date in the past. Yeah, so a first date for me is about building rapport, and escalating kino up to a kiss. If we have a good connection I'll wait a day, call her, and plan a date at my place for her to come over, cook some dinner for us...and get more physical.

thesnowflake · 2012-10-20T08:34:36+00:00

lunch/dinner dating in China, the girl usually expects you to pay, it's very cultural, they rarely split the bill unless they have western experience

Title	Paying for dinner. Yea or Nay?
Author	StarBarbershop
Upvotes	15
Comments	15
Date	October 17, 2012 8:22 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/11ncxi/paying_for_dinner_yea_or_nay/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/paying-for-dinner-yea-or-nay.1341266 https://theredarchive.com/post/1341266

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