Yesterday someone posted this article from AskMen which says guys shouldn’t continue to see a girl who refuses to kiss him on the first date. Here’s Doc Love’s explanation:

But, when you "need time to decide how you feel," that means that you are ambivalent, and I don't want my readers going out on second dates with women who are ambivalent. My boys deserve a lot better than that. When a woman's romantic Interest Level [degree of love] toward a man is in that "so so, wishy-washy, iffy, kinda, sorta" category, that just doesn't cut it.

This is a case of taking a kernel of truth, and then trying to make a broad sweeping, overly simplified claim, and when you do that you end up just being wrong. So let’s add some nuance back in, and see when it’s okay to go out on a second date without a kiss on the first, and when you should cut bait and move on.

The fact is that most of the time girls will need to spend time getting to know you for a while before they feel they want things to get physical. This is known in Seddit as building comfort and rapport. Sometimes that can be done in one date, sometimes not. Sometimes it’s done even before the date. While the specifics of the date will matter, the more important thing to consider is the relationship as it existed before the date.

If you met the girl online, exchanged a dozen messages, then asked her out, and this is the first time you’re seeing each other and talking in person, not getting a kiss at the end is pretty normal. You’ve probably only spent about 90-120 minutes talking, much of that very awkward. I spend more time than when buying a new pair of shoes. Plus, girls very often don’t want to make a decision on the spot. They want to take the experience, mull it over for a couple days, and decide how they feel about it.

This can also apply to meeting girls out in the field. If you’re at a big oontz-oontz club at midnight and meet a girl, and then arrange a D2, I think that comes with an expectation of some physicality, but if you talked to her for 20 minutes at a Thursday happy hour and are going out again that Saturday after exchanging a few texts? She still may need time to get to know you and figure out how she feels, and the D2 might not be enough.

On the other hand, if this is a girl you’ve known in your social circle for several months, you’ve talked a lot, flirted a bit, and now you’re finally asking her out, she really should have made up her mind before even going out with you. If she’s still on the fence at the end of the first date that’s a pretty bad sign. Doesn’t mean you should always cut bait in this situation because every situation is different, every girl is different, and the details matter – that’s why most seduction questions can’t be answered with a simple rule. Maybe she was tired from a long day at work and a fight with both her best friend and her mom. She still went on the date because she didn’t want to stand you up, and because she really does like you, but all the other stuff going on in her life put her in a bad headspace, and she just really doesn’t feel like getting physical right now.

Finally, here’s some tips to help you get her to the decision making phase.

If you meet her at a bar/club: If you can do so without seeming needy, extend the interaction a bit. Venue changing is a great way to build rapport. The more rapport you have going in to the D2, the more likely she is to have made up her mind.

If you meet her from the internet: Try to get to that first date ASAP. Does this contract what I just said about building rapport first? Well, kinda, but consider two scenarios. In the first, you go out Saturday night for your first date after spending a week or two chatting on OKCupid. Second scenario you go out Thursday for happy hour drinks, and then again on Saturday. On that first date, the Thursday one, you have less rapport than the first scenario’s Saturday date. But, comparing the two Saturdays, the second scenario has a billion more rapport. Basically, you should prefer having two dates over chatting a ton online and then having one date.

If you know her from your social circle: Just avoid ambiguous dates where she doesn’t know if you’re just hanging out as friends or if it’s a date.

One last final bit of advice: Don’t spring physicality on her at the last minute. Get some close proximity, prolonged eye contact, and light kino going on throughout the date. Even if she really likes you, she still doesn’t want you to spring a kiss on her out from nowhere.