Seddit, I really, really, really need some help on this

invinciblesummmer · 2014-09-21T16:47:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

KaleStrider · 2014-09-21T19:28:19+00:00

A lot of us here are completely insecure inside. Many don't have confidence, don't have game, and are here to learn. I get numbers insanely easy, but I've never been able to close with any of them. Some of the most attractive guys are insecure.

The game isn't getting rid of your insecurities; it's proving them dead wrong, but you'll always have them. You have to learn how to adapt to the reality of your body and mind- to be comfortable with who you are, your past, and the fact that we're all flesh bags. You have to be comfortable with this chaos. You have to learn to enjoy it.

Coming from the same place you are, to getting numbers every single time I make an attempt (literally), but never closing... I've got a ways to go. You've got farther. Just keep trucking. Things might get worse, things might get better. Results don't matter, but you do.

t0mkat · 2014-09-21T22:16:17+00:00

It seems like you have issues that go beyond the scope of pick-up. As someone else said here earlier, I would honestly recommend seeing a counsellor (and taking up antidepressants, if you haven't already).

I find that if I am depressed or my self-esteem is low, I always have to sort that out first before I can even begin to focus my attention on game.

I know you said you were opposed to seeing a counsellor but I really would if I were you. Seeing a counsellor turned me from a depression and anxiety-riddled wreck into a fairly normally functioning and happy person. It's not really about "telling you" things, it's about getting to the root of your problem and uncovering distorted thinking patterns/beliefs that you may not even be aware of. And yes you may have to part with a certain amount of cash but in my opinion it's a small price to pay for happiness, and the emotional/mental costs of your current depression are probably far worse.

Alternatively there are two books written by therapists, Overcoming Depression and Overcoming Low Self-Esteem, that I have seen on bookshelves. I have the latter one and found it quite helpful.

backhoff · 2014-09-21T23:01:49+00:00

I'm not an expert, not even close. In fact I'm bad at 'game', but reading about the topic has made me realize a few things I did wrong for years. I was needy, I thought I needed a gf and that it was all I wanted, and that is a fucking turn off for girls. Read about it, there a few good book recommendations on this sub. Don't read shit like 'Pick up lines' and that kind of stuff. Work on your lifestyle. Make yourself interesting.

EDit: Also, addressing the part of you getting upset when you don't approach, I guess it's because you are afraid of failure, and failure is a part of the process, learn to cope with it and embrace it.

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed. " - Michael Jordan

invinciblesummmer · 2014-09-22T00:36:50+00:00

I know what you mean. I want to be angry at them, but I know it's not their fault so I just feel sad.

I know it's just a matter of me going out and approaching, but the reality is my emotional energy is so low that I don't think I can do it. The slightest hint of negativity will start me questioning the value of my existence.

I have been trying to get over this for a few years more than you, and honestly I am struggling to figure it out by myself.

I'm really reluctant to talk to anyone, let alone a professional because I feel like it is something I should be able to solve on my own. But it's getting to the point where it is my only option.

Sorry, wish I could of posted something more helpful ;)

Interrupting_Otter · 2014-09-22T02:41:20+00:00

I hear a lot of shame in your post. Like you aren't worthy of being loved, that you don't like yourself. Nothing will change without you taking action. Start somewhere with yourself. "Getting" or "having" one of the women you admire won't fix anything. This is a longer term problem and there is a lot of good advice here that I won't repeat. Good luck.

gaia_scienzia · 2014-09-22T21:33:37+00:00

Same here. I had the same feelings.

Basically when you digest difficult feelings, it causes your soul to blossom. You actually made a decision, prior to being born (or your soul made a decision), that it would swallow large quantities of difficult feelings. This is so that it would become very strong. So those feelings are there for you to swallow, digest, and absorb. Other people didn't want that much pain, possibly because they sensed they couldn't handle it.

When you absorb it, through feeling, it will largely dissipate and change into more neutral feelings. However, until that happens, they will remain, haunting you, and on and on.

johnnymaddick · 2014-09-21T20:49:47+00:00

Regrets is making decisions in the past. When you dont approach you go home and try to change your behavior in the past, but you cannot and you suffer from it. Make decisions in the present. If you made decision not to approach a girl, this is the decision you made and nothing you can do about it anymore. I bet it was your best choice at the moment when you were making this decision. All you can do is to prepare your self for future decisions, do not regret not approaching a girl, simply decide you gonna approach next time, and plan what you gonna do. Not to regret is easier said than done, it is not so easy not to think a though that is stuck in your head. But there is a trick for it - since you just can't think 2 thoughts at the same time, you need to replace one thought with another, preferably with something that you like, something that motivates you, something that makes you feel successful - it can be a memory of a good time, or even a fantasy, you can watch a movie - you got the idea? There is even more powerful thing than replacing the negative thought with another thought - talking to someone else, with your friends, your relatives, teachers, random people on the street, supermarket, anywhere. Talking about anything positive. When you talk - you are present and cannot drown in your regrets.

This is how you beat your regrets and think how you improve in the future.

Approaching hot girls that you are attracted to is nice and cool, but if you are nervous and they weird out, I might develop a bigger fear and not approach them in the future.

I recommend you start approaching someone who you don't necessarily like, or not attracted to. Start any conversation, socially acceptable. Like ask for directions, time, use any kind of opinion opener (there are many of them on the internet). Have no agenda, dont ask for the phone numbers or anything. You may say a compliment, but dont expect anything in return. If you dont feel really comfortable talking with girls, talk with guys first.

You will notice that slowly you will be shifting to a more social and talkative mode. Start talking to guys, then social topics with unattractive girls, then attractive girls, then flirting. Remember the state. Unfortunately every night when we sleep our nervous system slows down and every morning it is very slow and we dont want to talk with anyone, every day we need to speed up our brains to get into the social mode, where we can easily talk with anyone. That is why when you are there remember the state and use some kind of anchor to help yourself get into this state faster in the future ( check out the 2 min video of Johnny Maddick How To Instantly Shift Into Seduction Mode With NLP Anchors on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXF5IwXQ5Dk&index=3&list=PLawWtI3M1n0IBlxSOIABZlS9EWLeZJ4lA )

One more thing, in your language use more or if possible only positive words and statements.

Stay beautiful,

Johnny Maddick, The Man, The Legend / www.DatingWithAccent.com

throwiepowie · 2014-09-22T01:11:16+00:00

Alright, to be honest, working out or changing style or whatever won't help you for shit. What you need is to get to the point of not caring if you get down with a girl or not. Of course, there are moments when I would have a chance to talk to a hottie and don't do it and afterwards I regret it. But then I say "meh, whatever, I run into hot girls everyday". However, I don't think you're at the point where you are even able to say that, I think you need to learn to love yourself. I recently wrote a post with some tips how one could accomplish that, you might want to check it out

Endoss · 2014-09-21T16:48:02+00:00

This is a problem beyond the scope of the sub. You already know what to do: talk to the girl. We don't know you, we can't help you with any serious personal flaws unless you give us a lot of backstory. Everyone has their own shit that they have to deal with and it's childish of you to ask someone else to figure out yours instead of just dealing with it by yourself.

Title	Seddit, I really, really, really need some help on this
Author	invinciblesummmer
Upvotes	10
Comments	24
Date	September 21, 2014 4:40 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2h1ma6/seddit_i_really_really_really_need_some_help_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/seddit-i-really-really-really-need-some-help-on.1376897 https://theredarchive.com/post/1376897

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