Yesterday I bumped into my 32yo neighbour and mentioned something related to dating which got him to open up about how he used to be a big time player - he says he's slept with somewhere around 200 women, but found a few years ago that he was feeling empty with that lifestyle and started focusing his energy on other things, now started his own business and plays in a band etc.

He's slightly above average looking (probably better looking a few years back) and has some charisma but nothing remarkable.

We talked for about an hour and these were his insights from what I can remember. Nothing revolutionary but good stuff to remember:

- Don't think of it as 'me' vs 'what I have to be to get women' , think of it as learning to drive a car - sure you could jump in the car and make it to the shops, but the guy who's had a few lessons is going start off on a much better foundation - and then he can apply his own style to his driving once he's got the core mechanics down. Learning pick up stuff should just be tweaks to your approach, not completely changing your personality or imitating someone.

- Don't make casual sex the centre of your universe like he did- make sure you have other goals, this will make you naturally less desperate and also when casual sex looses its shine you won't fall into despair

- No sex is better than bad sex: don't force things if there's not much chemistry, no point.

- Girls have a 6th sense for desperation - the days where you have no expectations are the days they seem more drawn to you and vice versa

- With extremely attractive girls, the juice isn't always worth the squeeze

- If you're genuinely having tons of fun with someone, keep them around as long as possible, that's rare to come by. He admits there were one or two girls he wishes he had tried to date in hindsight.

- Put yourself in situations where it's natural to strike up friendly conversation with someone - the beach was one he suggested - but don't go to places on a mission to approach x amount of women, just put out a nice vibe and if it feels right to approach someone nearby then go ahead.

- You don't need the smoothest pick up lines, often just walking over and saying the first thing that comes to mind is all it takes

- If you're not actually enjoying the interaction, don't ask for their number or try to take it further. Why would you?

- Don't put too much energy into dating apps. Just use them as an additional way to meet people every now and then.

- You can get away with saying and doing a LOT more than you think you can if you do it with confidence and friendliness. He's had girls go from flipping out at him to sleeping with him because he handled a situation with calmness and confidence

- Most girls want to get physical just a quickly as most guys do, and if they feel respected and comfortable they usually will.