Still have one-itis after 5 months...

PUAdept · 2012-02-22T02:53:43+00:00

My advice to you is focus on your non-dating areas of life for a while. Be a good friend, the one who is always planning events and inviting people over. Hit the gym. Develop your hobbies, improve your career, take advantage of all the free time you currently have. I tell my unhappily single female friends "you can't be happy in a relationship until you are happy alone".

You're putting her on a pedestal she doesn't deserve to be on. There will be other women. Don't focus on trying to find a gf as good or better than your ex. Simply be open minded to meeting new people, women included. Hang out with many girls before picking the one lucky enough to get the majority of your time.

skcin7 · 2012-02-22T03:18:57+00:00

Shawn my man, you just need your confidence back, which is easier said than done after losing somebody that you've been with for so long. You've invested a lot of your time and your identity into that person who isn't there anymore, now you need to learn to regain your identity on your own and rebuild your pride.

No, she's gone. You don't want her back anyway because you have more respect for yourself than to be betrayed and take her back. You don't want a girl knowing she can walk all over you your entire life. Fuck her. You're better than that dude.
What I recommend is work on gaming any women that will be receptive of you. An abundance of HB5s and HB6s isn't necessarily a bad thing to help you gain experience. Don't be afraid to game the HB10s just to fuck around and see how they respond. Just because they're hotter doesn't mean they're any different. They respond to the same exact emotional things the HB5s will respond to. Get your abundance mindset back and build your confidence as you work your way up to a steady lineup of HB7s and HB8s. As your confidence and inner game begins to grow even higher, only settle for HB8, HB9, or HB10 women. Eventually, if one of them is cool enough, she will be lucky enough to become your girlfriend, if that's what you want.

Best way to get rid of oneitis is to begin working on your own lifestyle, hobbies, and begin seeing other chicks. Just the fact that you are posting on this forum to me says that you are on the right track.

Level_75_Zapdos · 2012-02-22T02:17:57+00:00

Never, never, never, never, never, never, NEVER try to get back with an ex! If you two broke up the first time, it will not last a second time. Stay the FUCK away from her. Do not speak to her (never again, if necessary). If you catch yourself thinking of her, get the fuck up and move. Do something, ANYTHING to stay busy and improve yourself. Shred every memory of her, including facebook, phone number, pictures, gifts...everything.

puaCurveBall · 2012-02-21T22:19:52+00:00

The path to fixing yourself isn't through pussy.

but my game is not solid enough yet to run solid game.

You don't need solid game to go out and hookup. There are plenty of AFC chumps getting with women, solid game is about consistency and quality.

Don't use not being perfect as an excuse.

It might be that the #1 quality you mention about her is her physical appearance, and your stated standards seem to be purely physical as well? Also you think you can "game back an ex"? She has had 5 years with you, how manipulative would you have to be to get her to change 5 years of judgement on your character to decide to break it off?

IHaveHighStandards · 2012-02-22T05:26:32+00:00

I'm in the same boat as you Shawn. So far I think it's all about learning to find happiness alone. Like form a lifestyle in which you are %100 satisfied without any commitments to a woman.

FackingCanuck · 2012-02-22T03:24:06+00:00

I'm sure your ex was a great girl but you're not going to game her back after a 5 yr relationship, and for your own sake you shouldn't even try.

Now, if your problem is that you're looking for someone who measures up to what you had, the obvious solution is to try to meet as many women as possible. The chances of it just finding you are pretty slim, and I bet if you think back to how it happened with your ex you'd see what you were offering at that point to draw her in.

There are 3.5 billion women in the world and millions in a major metropolitan city. There are likely thousands that you're compatible with and who you could realistically have some sort of relationship with.

You need to simplify what you're looking for. You just got out of a 5 year relationship, don't focus on replacing that. Focus on meeting a girl that you want to spend time with (either just for sex or for a relationship) and pursue that. Spend 10 minutes talking to a girl, if you enjoy that set up a date, if you enjoy that start a relationship, etc. They don't have to stack up to your ex, they just have to be something that you think is worth whatever time you're going to put into it. The worst that will happen is you'll have some enjoyable conversations, or dates, or sexual encounters, and then you'll go back to the hunt.

Jagerrr · 2012-02-22T11:27:16+00:00

I'm still finding this one out as well. I've found with enough time you get over her. Took about a year for me. Used to stalk her on twitter all the time, lol. Luckily I don't see her anywhere anymore, got new friends moved on. Just move on.
Go out and talk to girls. It won't be impossible to find someone that meets your standards, but probability says they are rare. Go out and practice and eventually you'll find someone... when you do, you'll be ready.

trefferr · 2012-02-22T18:17:26+00:00

Everyone here is right. Go out and meet new people and stop putting her on a pedestal. But now you should make even more moves to better yourself. Research celebrated books and online articles for information (I like "The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida).

I remember being too proud to admit that I needed help with my game. Once I researched books, magazines, coming here to seddit and even befriending women for advice on women and taking them to help my game at the bars (highly recommend) I found a lot of great ways to get back on my feet.

eallan · 2012-02-22T20:58:14+00:00

Nobody seems to stack up to my ex though.

Listen dude, I've been there. That is total and complete bullshit.

I have dated some incredible girls, and each one is special and unique. They've all got so many wonderful idiosyncrasies that make them worth knowing. They have interests, and quirks, and that's what makes it fun.

There are tons of fantastic women out there.

Do not contact your ex at all. Grieve for a little bit if you need it, but then pull up your pants move the fuck on. Every time you catch your mind wandering to a thought of her? Point it elsewhere, purge it out of your consciousness. You control what you focus on. Say hi to strangers, meet cool people, have fun and focus on yourself. Everything else will come.

Trust me man, at one point I thought i'd never find another. I'm assuming this girl was your "first love?" That one's always a bitch. I wasted a year of my life moping, I'll never do it again. There are smart, beautiful women everywhere. Go say hello when you're ready.

szukai · 2012-02-24T09:17:55+00:00

The unfortunate truth is that if you love her, you just simply have to ride out the pain. Try to channel that energy into something else, like what PUAdept said about self improvement (in all physical, mental, and social aspects)

Thing is, that pain may be there for many reasons. Some although related to her, are just issues you have to deal with yourself. It'll take time. Nothing wrong with thinking about it and talking it through with good friends once a while, but you simply have to move on.

notlurkinganymoar · 2012-02-22T05:34:44+00:00

Lol @ 5 months of oneitis. I broke it off with my Beatrice over a year ago and I still love her. I keep in touch with her, but still sarge and lay other girls. I would suggest you do the same. Six yrs btw.

Title	Still have one-itis after 5 months...
Author	shawnee4885
Upvotes	8
Comments	23
Date	February 21, 2012 9:59 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/pzx2e/still_have_oneitis_after_5_months/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/still-have-one-itis-after-5-months.1328664 https://theredarchive.com/post/1328664

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