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[–]Beaudism 45 points46 points47 points 10 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
On the contrary. There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy, but don't be a fucking bitch.
Fact of the matter is that it's fine to be polite and do nice things for people but the key things are;
don't put girls on pedestals
make it clear that she isn't the only one
don't obsess
girls aren't your priority, especially not one. They are additions.
don't be afraid to escalate
don't be afraid, period
again; don't be a bitch
[–]thestrugglingmonk 10 points11 points12 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree with you. But in this sense the phrase "nice guy" has a set connotation -especially in the literature OP is referring to. It doesn't say "don't be a guy who is nice", it lays out characteristics of "Nice Guys (tm)" and explains how this view of life is incorrect.
We can still be nice. Just don't subscribe to the "Nice Guy (tm) doctrine. That may be exactly what you are referring to as "being a bitch".
Tl;dr: semantics
[–]FastFlow3 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree. Being "nice" is not a bad thing. It's being a "yes" man and not speaking of your true feelings that is a problem
[–]SquidwardIRL 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Damn. This is what I needed to hear. I used to be a "nice guy", but I feel like I'm definitely past that phase. But I am currently working on getting with a girl and I'm hanging out with her tonight, and "don't be afraid to escalate" and "don't be a bitch" is just the motivation that I need. Although I don't think I'll come off as a "nice guy", I'm not super experienced in this department, so thanks for the motivation lol.
[–]TheyCallMeNatty 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'm sorry if you misunderstood my post! I am not suggesting that people shouldn't be nice, I'm suggesting that they shouldn't be nice with ulterior motives. The "nice guy" I am referring to has a sense of entitlement, much like the man that killed 6 people in Isla Vista.
[–]Aeon199 -2 points-1 points0 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The guy who did that had Asperger's and a weird social affect that rendered him permanently "low value." He knew that had he tried to approach women, nothing would have happened. He knew there was nothing he could do.
That said, I don't defend the guy and condemn what he did to the fullest extent.
But clearly, there were things wrong with him that he would not have been able to fix.
Can you suggest otherwise? I dare you to. Know any low-status socially awkward guys who can get laid?
[–]TheyCallMeNatty 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When you listen and read his manifesto he describes how he is entitled to love and sex due to his "high value". He said that he deserved sex because he was rich, handsome, and was the perfect gentleman.
I agree that he was a person that suffered from conditions that gave him a warped view of the world he inhabited. That being said, his mindset about dating and sex is shared by a large part of the male population.
[–]DisBetterBeGud -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Simple, enough of these philosophy posts OP, go do some cold approaches.
Fuck Kant and his fucking shit. Do your own shit.
With love, me.
[–]TheyCallMeNatty 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
DisBetterBeGud, I have done my fair share of cold approaches. That being said, I don't do them that often anymore, due to the fact that I have a social circle.
I also really enjoy Kant's philosophy. I believe that understanding and using the categorical imperative can give you a better life.
Nothing wrong with critically thinking about life and different aspects.
With love, OP
[–]DisBetterBeGud 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
+1 for based OP.
[–][deleted] 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
My post essentially is saying be a good person that associates with good people! I'm glad you can relate. I am a firm believer that being positive is super important in having a successful social life.
[–]Mistinrainbow 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gold post
[–]Sponton 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I agree with you. Dudes that claim to be 'the nice guy' don't seem to be self aware of what they're doing. They, as you claim in your post, behave in such a way purely because think they'll get a reward, they don't act selflessly, they think the manner they conduct themselves will grant them some power over someone else just because they went out of their way to do something extra, according to them because they're nice, but if this was the case they wouldn't get pissed off when things don't go work out. They are emotionally invested in the things they do for the other person thinking they will be rewarded.
I hate that bullshit about being the nice guy... It's clear that you're doing something wrong if no girl wants to hang out with you, period. Then they end up hating women and the aftermath is that /r/TheRedPill subreddit crap posts about being super alpha and moronic stuff like that.
[–]TheyCallMeNatty 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Exactly! I'm not saying not to do nice things, I'm suggesting that you do nice things for the sake of doing it, no matter the consequence. I know using Kantian Ethics is a little abstract for this particular sub reddit, but it is the best way I know how to describe the problem with "Nice Guys"
[–]Sponton 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, I actually appreciate posts like this, I usually don't lurk around in this subreddit.
At least this makes me think that not all of the people here are just following prescribed rules on how to pick up women, and going by a script. You know the typical "you have to be a douchebag so women like you" "be a dick" "ignore her" blabla
I think part of making yourself attractive to people, not just women but anyone you will meet, is developing yourself, having self awareness, knowing what you like, what you dislike, your limits and most importantly what you do with your life and having a sense of purpose.
This isn't a critique, everybody lives their lives according to what they think is right and beneficial in the long run. I just sometimes wonder why people seem to follow made up rules blindly except trying to find the answer within themselves.
[–]TheyCallMeNatty 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I have another post on how important it is to be attractive. Not just physically, but intellectually and emotionally. I believe so many guys buy into the wrong ideologies that actually negate them from meeting women. My goal is to try to show guys that attraction is natural and that sex isn't just a prize for saying the right things.
I'm really happy you do appreciate and enjoy my post. I've had some mixed reviews haha
[–]Sponton 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think it depends on the degree of maturity. When you start you go for numbers, as you grow up you go for quality, because your perception of time is different, your value of time is completely different. It becomes more valuable (since you seem to have less of it) so you decide to invest it on somebody that's worth while, that makes you want to be better.
I mean, i love the beginning of a relationship, the flirting, the getting to know each other, feeling vulnerable, opening your heart and brains, sharing experiences. That's what makes it great. People often forget that, they think sex, like you said, is the ultimate goal. Sex is easy to get just for the sake of it, what people want is an emotional rapport but they often forget that, that's why they jump from meaningless one night stand to more meaningless one night stands thinking the little 'boost' in confidence will fill the void of whatever it is they're lacking in their life that's going to make them happy.
I'll make sure to drop by your post.
[–]clovers2345 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Basically be kind but not nice!
[–]evilgenivs -2 points-1 points0 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
What about simple things like "could you hold my bag/drink"?
I tend to decline if she is literally standing next to a place where she can put the stuff on. Is that wrong?
[–]Sponton 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
haha, that made me laugh. There's nothing wrong with being courteous, you don't become less of a man by being so. I'd even dare saying that would make you stand out over your peers. Like the person below said, one thing is letting her use you, the other one is being polite because you appreciate/respect that person. I don't know if you're american, but I'm living here and I find it rather surprising how unpolite men are and how they think being a dick will make them more of a man. Genuinely, if you have to act around a girl like a total douchebag to keep her around, I can't imagine what type of girl she would be. God knows I wouldn't like to be investing my time and money on that. The nice part of relationships, which i assume is the ultimate goal, is finding someone that makes you want to be better not worse!
[–]evilgenivs 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I have no intentions to be an ass at all, I just don't see the need to hold her drink if she can put it on somewhere 1cm away from her. If there is nothing to put it on I gladly hold it.
Oh stop complaining and just work it. http://i.imgur.com/cx3Nvlp.jpg
[–]Gif_Goldblum3 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
"Please hold my drink" and "please hold my drink while I go flirt with that hot guy" are two completely different requests and therefore require completely different courses of action.
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[–]Beaudism 45 points46 points47 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]thestrugglingmonk 10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FastFlow3 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SquidwardIRL 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheyCallMeNatty 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aeon199 -2 points-1 points0 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TheyCallMeNatty 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DisBetterBeGud -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheyCallMeNatty 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]DisBetterBeGud 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TheyCallMeNatty 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mistinrainbow 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sponton 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheyCallMeNatty 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sponton 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheyCallMeNatty 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Sponton 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]clovers2345 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]evilgenivs -2 points-1 points0 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sponton 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]evilgenivs 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Sponton 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Gif_Goldblum3 points [recovered] | Copy Link