Struggling to get the second date

Peckerdick · 2015-09-01T18:41:06+00:00

When you meet a woman on tinder/okc, you need to realize she's almost certainly going to have a lot of other suitors and is probably dating other men. She's probably used going on very average 'pleasant' dates, and is bored out of her fucking mind with them.

I'm guessing you're in that category of providing 'pleasant' dates. You're nice, courteous, polite, offer good conversation, but you aren't anything special. You're not showing her that you're different from the other guys, and she is desperately looking for something different.

This has been the story of my life. I'm an attractive guy, have my shit together, can have a decent conversation and can spin a good yarn and tell some jokes. But the women I've been dating are used to this. They don't want good, they want something different and special and amazing. I've got my life and looks together more than ever before, and I'm striking out just as much as I did when I was fat and dressed like a slob.

You need to break away from this act of normality. I know exactly what it's like; you meet someone, you think "whoa she's fucking cute, I better not fuck this up". You stay on your best behavior, try to impress her by saying the right things and trying to ask interesting questions. You leave the date thinking it went well, drive home with a smile on your face planning your second date. You text her when you get home saying you had a great time, and then never hear back from her.

I'm in the process of fixing this for myself, but it's challenging. You have to get out of your comfort zone and say some shit you usually wouldn't. You need to step up the physical contact. Hug her when you see her, put your hand on her lower back and guide her in to the restaurant when you open the door, touch her arm when you're trying to make a point, go for a kiss when you walk her to her car. Be passionate about the things you say. Call her out on shit she says. Challenge her, even if you risk offending her or getting a drink in your face.

Doing risky things is... well, risky. But especially when dating more attractive women, it's the only thing that really works. Being safe is almost guaranteed rejection. You should aim to finish the date with her thinking either "holy fuck that guy is amazing" or "holy fuck that guy was such a tool." You're almost guaranteed to be rejected as the boring guy, but I would rather be rejected as the guy who said some shit that offended his date and caused her to walk out. Fuck being the boring, average guy.

cmiovino · 2015-09-01T14:35:05+00:00

Digging deep is good... typically on emotional or childhood things. Basically bringing up 'feelings'... not just where do you work, etc.

Also, physically escalating is obviously really good too. It's almost a must. You can nab second dates without it, but you still need to be making you intentions clear.

Specifically online, many Tinder girls are probably looking for the physical and sexual quicker than others.

forseti_ · 2015-09-01T17:14:06+00:00

I had the same problem. I tried to kino, but honestly I had no idea what I was doing. I tried this Mystery or Di Carlo Escalation Ladder stealthy stuff and it didn't work at all for me.

Then I reduced my kino to some simple moves, but I escalate very bold. I hug or give her a this french kiss on the cheeks. Depends on the situation. I high five or give her a bro fist. When walking next to her I just grab her hand. If she allows it, I put her arm around my waist and put my arm around her waist or I interlock finger with her. If this goes well, I turn my body to her and kiss her. It works like a charm, because you come of like a very confident guy.

To get there I would recommend always go for the kiss on a first date. The likelihood that you see her again, if you didn't kiss her is very low. Get used to get rejected. Don't care about being a creep. You can't control that. It's not up to you. Don't try to be smooth. If the girl likes you it will be smooth, doesn't matter if you slap her ass or act like a kind and handsome guy.

Here is an audiostream of someone who knows more about this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAWHgZvvGVU

IANAPUA_Yet · 2015-09-01T17:09:00+00:00

What is a typical first date for you? Mine look like this. The goal is just to do a quick test of our chemistry and build some basic trust. It almost doesn't even count as a date, but it gets us past the point of being "strangers" quickly. The second date (which is basically just the first date) starts with a more familiar feel, which allows us to do things that might otherwise seem uncomfortable on a first date.

P.S. Kino, kino, kino. Start small and escalate steadily. If your meeting place makes it difficult for you to kino, you need to come up with a different meeting place.

reddiot666 · 2015-09-01T21:23:56+00:00

Maybe they aren't looking for a relationship. Just try and invite them to house parties or to go out dancing on the weekends.

Title	Struggling to get the second date
Author	ndatoxicity
Upvotes	24
Comments	14
Date	September 1, 2015 1:58 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3j7xfq/struggling_to_get_the_second_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/struggling-to-get-the-second-date.1393454 https://theredarchive.com/post/1393454

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