Texting to confirm

ofthesunshine · 2018-12-21T17:42:28+00:00

I think it's absolutely necessary. If someone makes plans days or a week in advance and there's radio silence until then, how am I supposed to know if it's still on? (Assuming it's a stranger), I don't know this person. I'm not about to show up just to be stood up.

I'd even confirm with friends, because life gets busy & people can forget.

I wouldn't say it looks at all unsure of yourself/needy. I think it's just common practice in any relationships.

Uberslaughter · 2018-12-21T18:28:35+00:00

It's necessary if you value and respect yourself and your time and isn't needy at all. Something as simple as "still good to meet up tonigh?" works just fine. No need to overthink it.

ajthitman · 2018-12-21T18:33:27+00:00

I think your overthinking this one a lil too much. Confirmation is just making sure you don’t waste your own time getting ready for something that’s not going to happen. There’s very little room for you to sway a woman’s opinion on wether she wants to go out with you with a little, “Hey, we still good for tonight?” Text. It doesn’t show your needy or insecure, it’s about making sure you don’t waste your own time.

Shadowfury957 · 2018-12-21T18:47:07+00:00

I like it better to confirm the day beforehand..gives you some time to connect with some texts that extra day.. and then you can hit them up the day of the date saying hey how are you etc ... could say im excited to meet you today or talk about when and where if you haven't planned that yet

DestroyedByLSD25 · 2018-12-21T21:42:44+00:00

You're an adult and you ain't got time for people stepping you up. Always confirm to prevent wasting that time.

40daze40nights · 2018-12-21T17:19:39+00:00

I do like I do with my friends, text "on my way" when I am leaving my place day-of.

Maybe if the date was made an entire week in advance, I'd say hello and confirm earlier than that. But assuming everyone is an adult, confirming that you are heading to the date should be enough. Let all the bulk of the conversation happen face-to-face.

hunterpua · 2018-12-21T17:34:35+00:00

Its needy.

But theres an easy way around it.

Just send her a text about a detail of the date that assumes she's coming. This will force her to either confirm or tell you she can't show.

Some of the things I say are,

"Remember to wear something you're comfortable moving around in."
"Remember to bring that thing you were telling me about."
"You know the way to the place, right?"
And my absolute favorite, "I'm gonna be a few minutes late because I have to swing by a friend's place for an emergency/I have meeting/there's this crazy chick that's following me around/[whatever]."

The reason I love the last one is because its very easy for her to say she won't make it. If you tell her you'll be late and she says, "That's fine" then she can make it. If she can't make it then she'll say, "Oh its ok, I actually can't make it today anyway."

And if she cancels she won't imagine you being high and dry with no other plans, she'll imagine you already having other things going on because you already said you were going to be busy with something else.

What I do is I usually say, "I'm gonna be a little late because I'm meeting a friend." and then I go to the date location early and pick up other girls.

I usually end up doing an instant date with a different girl that I pick up and stay on it until the first girl I'm supposed to have a date with text's, "I'm here".

Its great, I don't need to make up an excuse to leave the instant date because I really will have to leave and when I go to my planned date I usually have the instant date girl walk with me to the place so both girls will see each other and both girls will pre-select me for the other.

The instant date girl will ask me, "Is that your friend?" and I say yeah and then once I go to the girl I planned a date with she will ask me, "Was that the friend you were meeting?" and I say yeah. So now both girls see me as a guy that just normally hangs out with hot girls.

Confirming a date without being needy? Done.

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durant92bhd · 2018-12-21T19:38:55+00:00

Ok, let me ask a follow-up: I was texted a couple hours ago to confirm plans for tonight by a woman who had made a date with me a couple days ago, I affirmed I wanted to go out, but since then....crickets. Was she hoping I'd have had a change of heart or am I being a fucking moron and overthinking this? My money is on overthinking due to crippling self doubt but hey, I'm wrong all the time....

haolime · 2018-12-22T00:34:32+00:00

I would say contact the day of is always a good idea but to make it less "needy" or whatever, have a little vagueness until the day of.

Maybe you've decided on the restaurant but not the time so day of you can say "How about I pick you up (/we meet) at 7pm."

Or you're planning on meeting for drinks so day of you can say "I've really been enjoying the music at _____ so we'll go there."

Or you're making dinner so you say "I'm picking up wine for dinner: red or white?" This is a good example of maybe you'd already told her everything but there's always more info that you can be smooth with and it seems like it was natural but really you just wanted something better than "We still on for dinner tonight?"

I like when I don't know everything leading up to the day and having these question marks leading up to the day sometimes lead the girl to text first like "What time will you pick me up?" or "Where do you want to meet." Or even her suggesting the bar or saying she will bring a certain wine.

Source: am girl

poopfeast180 · 2018-12-22T00:59:57+00:00

if you dont text to confirm you're pretty much going to have people flaking on you because they have an excuse (Oh i thought you weren't coming). all you have to do is "still on tomorrow or today?"

honestly this is so irrelevant, just be normal and how you are with anyone like your friends. you check up with them right? but you dont do incessantly and like a tryhard right?

Witch-Doctor · 2018-12-22T01:20:21+00:00

Always text to confirm. Always

Renegader933 · 2018-12-22T02:13:56+00:00

You kind of have to. “Still on for tonight?” isn’t needy at all.

HolidayAside · 2018-12-22T03:13:09+00:00

Always text to confirm. It's polite, shows interest, and is necessary in today's fast pace world. If a guy doesn't confirm my first thought is that he's blowing me off.

raucous_mute · 2018-12-22T02:55:18+00:00

My last date did that and it was perfect. It was our first time out and she was not taking the risk that I'd douche out. I appreciated it and it made me feel like she really wanted to go. It was really simple. "Hey, you still down to hang out tonight? I'm getting ready to leave my place." I replied, "sure am!" It was a good night.

Trollslayer0104 · 2018-12-22T04:24:09+00:00

It's probably best to do so but...It is increasingly becoming more common for a non-reply to a text confirming a date to mean "I want the opportunity to still be there but I'm not commiting to it".

somegirls · 2018-12-22T06:50:39+00:00

Let's say I make plans on Monday for Saturday night. I WILL NOT contact that person until Saturday morning to confirm. A very short, brief text using brevity works well. No response? Fuck 'em, there are other people out there, usually more interesting/beautiful/exciting/fun. No one wants to make plans? I'm relaxing at the house with some me time. Life is too short to be bothered by others. That's the way I live my life.

diiianaaa · 2018-12-23T10:37:46+00:00

A very pertinent question.

If you can ask it in an indirect way, would be best.

I tend to say (well it's a bit different cause i'm a girl and i'm talking about when i'm meeting a girl acquaintance), "i might be 5-10 minutes late, i apologize for it".

or, you can set up 2 close times when you first agree on the date, then choose one of them the day of the date or the evening before the date.
Example: friday late afternoon it is. We'll set up a definite time closer to the date if you don't mind.

And if you can't find anything else than just asking it bluntly, go for it. Especially if you're not very close with that person and you don't text everyday or so

GameGodsOfficial · 2018-12-22T09:37:01+00:00

If you text like a pussy yeah you look weak. You're a MAN so you gotta be one. And only give a chick ONE chance. If she cancels I dont give a fuck if her mom died. YOU request to see the obituary.

As far as the confirmation call its best to simply do it in a way that maintains control. For example You let Her know that schedule wise its looking like its best for you to show up at 7:30 instead of 7. "Just giving heads heads up."

See now all you guys can confirm without lookin like a pussy and she gets more time to plaster on make up.

Win Fuckin Win.

Fun2badult · 2018-12-21T21:04:55+00:00

No. Don’t text to confirm. If she was really interested she will text to confirm. You texting to confirm shows you’re not sure of yourself and need to check with her as if she’s in lead.

SUCK_MY_DICTIONARY · 2018-12-21T19:33:23+00:00

Way back I heard people say that confirming is needy, and I realized I would never wait out the other person, I was always the one that confirms. So I changed it up with no confirmation and about 50% of the time they texted me to confirm, which lets me know that not only did they remember but they are invested enough to ask. The other 50% of the time, they showed up. I’ve only ever been ghosted when I confirmed the date, which has happened many times. I would say then the confirmation message reduces the probably of a date by approximately a flat 50%.

Similarly, I’ve found that the girls who don’t text and just show up, the ones with the lowest probably of a date, are typically the better catch. Less attractive girls have to compensate for that by reducing their barriers to entry.

Nowadays, especially for online dating, I never confirm the date. I know people say “well I could make other plans.” So I make all my dates places I wouldn’t mind going for a drink. I go there, I get a drink, I enjoy it. I had one girl who might have ghosted me, but I did text her about 15 minutes after the agreed time to tell her I was late finding parking, and found she was gonna be a whole half hour late. But I would say then I had a 20% chance of her ghosting in person. But now when she does it, I’m having a drink at my favorite bar, there’s people around. It doesn’t feel nearly as bad as the lump I used to get in my stomach when she didn’t answer a “still on for tonight?” text for 6 hours, and it’s an hour until the date and I’m not sure if I should go...

Being mysterious is valuable. You may think “well what if they assume I’m not interested and don’t show?” Then you have a date with yourself. Usually that doesn’t happen. This attitude usually stirs them up. They might be thinking about you every day, “why didn’t he text to confirm?” Like you used to think about her, when you were the needy one. You’ve turned the tables. And if she doesn’t show, she really wasn’t interested, and she lied, and it’s good you didn’t waste your time on her. Now enjoy your favorite bar, have a good night.

TLDR: don’t text to confirm, instead plan dates only to places where you won’t care if they don’t show up. Confirmation texts are just a barrier to rejection that ultimately will only detract from your success.

Title	Texting to confirm
Author	t1q234
Upvotes	37
Comments	35
Date	December 21, 2018 5:16 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/a8c3sh/texting_to_confirm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/texting-to-confirm.1459082 https://theredarchive.com/post/1459082

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