Hey guys. Been part of this community for a while now. One of the problems I see over and over is guys getting flakes. This happened to me again just the other day, so although it's not possible to get rid of it 100%, I thought I'd share a few ways to prevent it that have helped me along the way.

I wrote this for guys who are feeling frustrated with flakes and want to get better. I know a lot of you guys are more advanced though, so I thought I’d share the part that might apply to everyone.

  1. SHARE "CONNECTION STORIES" THAT MAKE YOU REAL

Another major problem I had in the early years was that I’d get all this attraction from the girl, but no connection. There was a lot of attraction based on social value and the emotional variety I was creating for her, but when we went our separate ways there was nothing that was separating me from any other guy in the club. Yeah we had a fun conversation, maybe kissed for a bit, but I was still a stranger to her.

I had to make myself real to her. I had to create a connection.

This isn’t something you’ll have to do in every situation, but the best way I’ve learned to avoid girls flaking is by creating a connection. To to this, it’s my job to make myself real to them and make them real to me.

I share stories that make me vulnerable, and while you might object that there’s nothing “alpha” about being vulnerable, this is exactly what creates that emotional bond which accelerates the attraction process and makes her feel like she’s known me for years.

While most of us have passed the stage of planning DHV stories (demonstration of higher value), what I’ve found interesting to incorporate are “connection stories”.

These stories are a window for the girl to see “the real you”. For me, it might involve getting lost in rural Sicily with no money, feeling at a loss of what to do with my life, or the things that made me self-conscious when I was a kid.

Whatever the story is, there are a few points worth mentioning. It’s not preplanned and it’s not done as a technique. These stories should be an expression of how you feel in the moment. They should be a reflection of what’s important to you and you should tell them not as a technique to make her attracted, but as a genuine way to share a piece of your life with her. By opening up in this way, you’ll begin to elicit the same stories from her; stories she will rarely have shared with any other guy before. This creates a huge level of empathy, rapport, and investment from her. Within no time, you’ll have girls saying things like “I’ve never told somebody this before” or “It feels like I’ve known you for years”.

I spent years being an “engima” to girls. While they loved trying to figure me out, it got past the stage where it was fun. Eventually I realised I had to stop holding everything back and open up when a girl I was seeing for months said “I still feel like I don’t know you. It’s like every time I see you it’s another one night stand.” There was lots of attraction, but zero connection and it didn’t last. That’s why it’s so important.

So open up and share stories with her that make you real. There’s strength in vulnerability.

If you want to read the whole thing you can check it out here. Any thoughts or experiences are appreciated.