Lurker here. Watching this sub feels like the blind leading the blind most of the time.

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Here's the thing about your mindset:

Women see through your bullshit:

Any young woman who would be considered by the general public to be attractive, has been getting harassed, propositioned, and tricked by men since they were 15 years old. They're so used to insecure men trying to fuck them as an ego boost its not even funny. They're fantastic lie detectors and they can tell as easily as you can when someone's behaving desperately or inauthentically to get something from them. They're going to view you leaning on a bar with them with the same skepticism and contempt that you would view a used car salesman with.

And yeah, maybe if you went into the dealership looking to leave with shitty used car and accepting the grift, you'd tolerate their bs. In the same way, you can probably approach 100 women and find the one who would've said yes to anyone who asked meeting their minimum standards, but is that really what you want? Does that make you feel good about who you are? Was the drunk, flat, emotionally distant, jizz into latex worth a night of behaving like a jackass towards people who mostly have contempt for you and clearly see that you view them as an antagonistic force to be tricked in some kind of game?

What's the solution? Be authentic, drop "pick up art," and be someone who you're proud to be.

Let's face it. Most of you are presenting facades of yourself to women because you're ashamed of yourself. Most of you are also seeking out pick up because you see being chosen for sex as validating to your deep insecurities and feelings of rejection and unworthiness.

The women who will fuck you with passion like your cock contained the elixir of life, a woman who will love you for who you are, will only respect you when you respect yourself, and they can mostly tell. Even if you manage to fake it through a night, they'll figure you out and either ghost you or have contempt for you through a stagnant relationship.

Anyone will tell you, confidence is the key to being respected and admired by people you meet. But where does confidence come from? Confidence comes from doing hard things. Things that you might fail at but you do them anyways because they're meaningful.

  • Take a martial art
  • Learn a new skill in a new community, like a cooking class or something
  • Join meetups or a sport you've never played
  • Work on your mental wellness and go meditate or see a therapist
  • Connect with family you've had difficulty with
  • Take a job that challenges you more
  • Do something you've always dreamed of but been afraid to do

When you do hard things, even if you struggle, even if you fail, you will feel proud with the right mindset.

Think about the difference in how conversations go with someone who's challenging themselves, vs someone who is taking the easy path in life.

Not taking difficult risks: "Everything's great, I closed some important deals and I feel like I'm really ahead for next week, maybe I'll take a day off. Glad to be here now, this is such a fun club!"

vs

Taking difficult risks: "It's been challenging, but I feel hopeful. I reached out to my brother who I haven't talked to in years since his wife yelled at my kid and he defended her behaviour. It felt strange talking to him and not knowing whats going on in his life, I've really missed him"

or

"Fun but tough, I just got out of my 6th Aikido class and everyone else there has been doing it for years, so I feel pretty uncoordinated. I'm really connecting with people there, though, and I'm really trying to find humility in being constantly schooled and thrown to the ground by college freshmen half my size."

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Think how much more interested you'd be in connecting to the second or third person over the first.

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You are now:

  • Talking to someone about something that's extremely interesting and emotionally tractable because your life has the conflict and excitement of challenge
  • Demonstrating your courage and will, your dedication to doing what's meaningful over what's easy
  • Being vulnerable in a way which reflects favorably on you, opens the door for them to respond with something emotionally vulnerable about themselves, for you to validate each other, and for you to really connect.
  • Doing so in a way that will stand up to scrutiny, because it's real
  • And furthermore, you're expanding your network and meeting a lot more women in prolonged interactions that aren't just hitting on them in bars.

You can't fake confidence. When you talk about your struggles with doing something difficult, you open yourself up to real connection that people respect. It allows you to humble brag, to show you care about improving yourself, and opens the door for reciprocity from them.

If you think of ANY story, movies, books, whatever, stories land with us when they connect authentically with reality in some way and contain characters who are changed by struggle and adversity. Even comedies and cartoons. Your life's story needs to be this if you ever want to feel good about yourself.

When you prioritize authenticity, you're also treating women like humans who are smart, and worthy of sharing your true self with. Give respect, get respect. And come across as confident and not thinly guarding insecurities. They can tell.

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Stop strategizing about women and generalizing them

Hypothetically, think about if there were online communities for straight women where they talked about how to trick men into marriage, pregnancy, buying them stuff, etc, and lie/exaggerate facets of their identity in order to trick them into relationships. The people on this hypothetical forum talk about men as if they're all exactly the same, and that they all behave in completely predictable ways, don't have complete diversity of personalities and philosophies. In fact, they've made up game-like terms about tricking men, and brag to their online communities when a guy falls for it. Would you want to sleep with a woman who was really into these communities and thought about dating men in this way, or would you avoid them because giving a win to someone who's playing you as a game would make you feel used, tricked, and stupid? And while we're at it, would you tell your family that you consume PUA media? Would you tell someone you were dating that you go on /r/seduction? You know why you wouldn't, and you know why they would judge you for it, because it's two-faced and positions women as a strategic element while pretending to engage authentically.

Who do you think is able to connect with a woman through conversation better:

Guy 1: Views his motives in the interaction as secret, calculated and strategic. Constantly thinking about what he should say, instead of what's true, creating a ton of cognitive overhead and making his speech forced and unnatural.

Guy 2: "Yeah, I used to go on PUA forums, but I realized it was actually alienating me from women. Now I just try to be the best I can be and get out and talk to people. The more I work on my confidence, the easier it is to connect with people"

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In the end

The thing about being authentic, vulnerable and challenging yourself, is that you'll find yourself just feeling proud, and it will negate the reasons you came to PUA in the first place. A truly confident man who wants a relationship will inevitably fall into a long term relationship with someone who respects his boundaries, shares his interests and meets his sexual needs. You'll have the confidence to be with women you actually respect and admire, and say no to the others. If that's not your thing, you'll develop lots of satisfying flings with people you share struggles with. The side effect of being proud and having authentic and intimate connections who hold you up is that you won't feel the need to engage in this PUA shit anymore because you don't need to trick someone into sleeping with you in order to try to feel proud of yourself.

The irony is that the more you focus on pick up game as a sport or a game, the worse you actually get at connecting with women.

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TL;DR:

Challenge yourself, be vulnerable, humanize women, maintain firm boundaries, and unjoin this sub. That's all you need to find satisfying sex and intimacy.