Hey, this is going to my first thread in Seddit, I hope you will enjoy it and derive benefit from it. My impression about this sub is that it's mainly focused on inner game and techniques. Whereas the importance of "outer outer game" is not stressed enough. By this revolutionary newfound term (/s), I am referring to your style, your nonverbals, your career and status, and your social circle. These can (and will) make or break a person. Since I am a guy I will lay it out from a guy's perspective, yet the same rules apply to women also.

Just think about you enter a room and there are two guys sitting in a couch. One guy's hair and beard is styled, clean, shaven/well trimmed and healthy. Other guy's hair and beard is unkempt. Besides that, rest of their appearance is similar. If you smelled body odor when you've entered the room, who would you assume to be responsible for it? Your brain will make the math pretty quickly and before you know it, you will assume that it's the guy with unkempt hair. This is how our subconscious mind works; it takes in nonverbal (and also verbal) cues and processes it in miliseconds. This is to optimize our chances of survival and reproduction.

If you don't have your outer outer game in order; you will not be very successful in dating scene. No matter which techniques you use and how masterfully you use them, or no matter how high your self-esteem is, you will fall short. Because attractiveness is a key factor when it comes to how our brains evaluate people. Hear it out; you can do and say exactly the same thing, but,

If you are unattractive, they will perceive you as creepy. If you are attractive, they will perceive you as confident/masculine.

If you are unattractive, they will perceive you as pushy and vulgar. If you are attractive, they will perceive you as passionate and a go-getter.

If you are unattractive, they will perceive you as a "simp". If you are attractive, they will perceive you as loving/romantic/passionate.

If you are unattractive, they will perceive you as a snob. If you are attractive, they will perceive you as intelligent.

If you are unattractive, they will perceive you as a horny sleazebag. If you are attractive, they will perceive you as a playful and passionate man.

If you are unattractive, they will perceive you as awkward. If you are attractive, they will perceive you as "quirky".

If you are unattractive, they will perceive you as a manipulative loser. If you are attractive, they will perceive you as a wounded man who just needs the right woman's unconditional love.

I always assumed that the game consisted on two aspects; inner and outer game. But they are worthless without this foundation. I remember trying too hard, studying all those techniques and implementing them, trying to talk myself into how attractive I am et cetera. Instead, it is infinitely better to observe the 2 holy rules:

1- Be attractive

2- Don't be unattractive

I can really see the difference in me. I am not "very attractive" by any means, I am a "niche" guy. I used to try to find all those witty and funny openers to get a reaction, nowadays a simple "Hey" can handle the situation sometimes lol. Although I don't shun the inner and outer game as they still have much value; I do think they don't come even close to the outer outer game (really need a better term😁).

Most people's objection would be "Hey! I am very attractive, yet for some reason I can't get any dates!". I used to say that too and when looking back; I see that I was mistaken. I was constantly trying to polish shit to make it look better. I was trying to look like I had my life together while my it was a real mess. This doesn't work like that. You have to be willing to change your life and do it over and over again. You have to be willing to be better everyday, in every aspect of your life, till the end of your time on this world. If you get it together and know your worth, you will be killing it when it comes to dating.