The very first day - a huge failure

lejeune__ · 2012-09-01T13:26:49+00:00

Never mind, even pros still happen to have AA sometimes. Hell, it was your first day. At least you went out! I don't particularly remember the first day I tried this, but I don't think it was any different to your experience.

Just something that I tell everyone: Start to hate regret, it's way worse than rejection. It'll motivate you next time.

BroNatt · 2012-09-01T13:46:22+00:00

Hey mate, I had the exact same start.

The important thing is not to beat yourself when you "fail" your objective. Always stay positive, even if things didn't go as you wanted them to initially, tell yourself : "Well, I didn't approach girls, yet it was still a step out of my comfort zone, so it is still great ! Now I know next time I go out, it'll be easier to approach". Always reframe yourself in a positive, goal-oriented way.

I insist, be cool with yourself. What you're doing is BRAVE ! Don't forget it, few men are willing to put their ego aside and face their fears.

As for Approach Excitation (reformulation for A.Anxiety), having a wing can help a lot of people. There is some NLP stuff I didn't try, hypnosis too (worked for me, was a fun experience), but your will and perseverance is the main factor. What really "forced" me to approach was that game where you give 100€ to a wing, and he gives you 10 back each time you approach. Worked for me, lots and lots of stress tho.

One last thing. Think about your objectives. When you know where you are heading, I guarantee you it'll feel way easier.

HelloHiHello · 2012-09-01T15:51:48+00:00

No, you succeeded. And that's all there is to it.

Do you realize how few men ever walk up to a girl and even say "hi"? The number is very small.

By simply going out with that intention, you've already taken a massive leap forward. In seduction, there are no backwards steps.

There is no possibility of failure. YOU CAN'T FAIL.

As you long as you put yourself out there, like you just did, you'll continue to get better, and better, and better.

It happens while you're not aware of it, really. You think you failed today, but you actually laid a foundation for future "success." With pickup, the amount of work you actually put in is magnified exponentially by simply living in that lifestyle.

Really, it doesn't take too many cold approaches to start getting amazing. And this is the danger in it – if "success" in cold approach becomes comfortable, you'll be scared to take things to the next step.

Don't beat yourself up about it.

And I'd highly suggest you keep away from RSD. Realize that all pickup material is simply motivation. Nothing can prepare you for how things are in the real world (and that's a good thing).

RSD's style of motivation is, like you put so aptly, "YEAH DO IT."

It's designed to create a super-ego that is constantly filling your head with motivational noise. Noise which has little, if any, effect on real world interactions.

It's actually quite good at creating anxiety where none existed before.

Amazingly, I actually think Love System's material is good for beginners due to their structured approach. Whereas RSD is almost entirely emotional, Love System's is much more logical.

That being said, I think you can get almost everything you need from a community like this. But think about it logically, realize most people who contribute aren't taking action. Take action yourself and you'll soon be able to sort out the useful replies from those with no actionable value.

And logic is what you need here. You went out and exposed yourself to situations you would've never had before. So what, "nothing" happened (that's what you think). But something DID happen, and this post is concrete evidence of that.

Just keep going. Go out Monday, but put the motivational noise in your head away. Take it logically: when you see a girl, you can either approach or not approach. At this point, the logical choice is ALWAYS to approach, as there is very, very little compared to the potential upside.

Also, think of it like a math equation. Where Z is the lifestyle you want (sexual abundance, for example). You need to do the things in your life that can lead to Z.

Going out is one variable (x), talking to a girl is another variable (y).

X + Y = Z

If you don't approach, you are trading another variable out for Y. No problem with that, it's just not going to get you Z.

nivar · 2012-09-01T15:40:11+00:00

failure is part of success. http://i.imgur.com/jiVwh.jpg

ImChrisBrown · 2012-09-01T20:33:48+00:00

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Making it day #1, having a structure, ish like that. You're going out there talking to people. You're talking to people who go places and talk to other people, that's it and that's all that it is.

Put too much pressure on yourself and you'll start messing up at the simplest spots. You have, if you so choose, YEARS to learn this material. Chill.

eagleclaw457 · 2012-09-01T20:28:21+00:00

just like it said, talk to everyone. I mean everyone! It really does help. In order to do calculas you have to be able to add 2 and 2; in order to talk to the HB10 you got to be able to communicate.
Its good your getting out there though. Just keep with it, and have patience.

roberto918 · 2012-09-01T22:20:51+00:00

Well, you gotta know yourself. What I did to push myself was to do the "no fap" thing until I get improvement. This is because I know that I will want to make improvement even more than just by mental decision.

You have the answer to pushing yourself, stop doing something that will push you to do it, like drinking, or smoking, or whatever. Just dont break the promise you made to yourself, and you WILL improve! Also, if you remember my FR from yesterday I failed my first 3 approaches! Keep going!

riotingchimps · 2012-09-02T19:39:40+00:00

If you are pushing yourself to approach, you're ahead of 99 percent of guys. increasing skill level is inevitable, just keep at it.

dillpiccolol · 2012-09-01T15:33:47+00:00

Are you comfortable talking with women and/or strangers in general?

2012-09-01T15:50:21+00:00

Like others have said, you made a step in the right direction. Just going out with the intention of approaching made you better, if only slightly. Next time, you will be ready, as you have learned how horrible regret feels.

My very first approach was very difficult for me as well. I made a lot of excuses and missed a lot of chances, until I forced myself to approach. It was very nerve wracking, I was sweating and shaking a little bit. Do I regret that first approach? Hell no. It made me better. I have done between 40-50 approaches now and I do not regret any of them. Even the big 'blow outs' that were witnessed by other people around us.

Why don't I regret it? Because I get better with every approach, and you literally have NOTHING to lose, everything to gain. Looking back, I don't even dwell or remember the bad approaches, I look back and laugh at those, and I remember the ones that got me a number/genuinely made their day, made them smile.

What you are doing is something 95% of guys won't attempt in their lifetime (direct day approach) and no matter how nervous you come off to the woman, she knows you had the balls to do it and will be thankful for it, no matter what happens.

SupALupRT · 2012-09-01T16:54:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2012-09-01T20:04:23+00:00

Go out at night first, but go out early. Happy Hour is a good time to meet girls, bitch shields aren't up but they're still in a bar environment and expect to be approached.

IMO it's easier to get over AA in a night environment for a newbie, but that's just from my personal experience.

Title	The very first day - a huge failure
Author	falafin
Upvotes	14
Comments	20
Date	September 1, 2012 12:54 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/z6klb/the_very_first_day_a_huge_failure/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-very-first-day-a-huge-failure.1338412 https://theredarchive.com/post/1338412

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