"There's just nothing really about him"...good drunk game, bad sober game

asad16 · 2012-12-31T19:50:29+00:00

A lot of stuff is going in this post. Why did you have to ask your friend to see if she thinks you're interesting. This is a weak move, and more highschoolish. Because of this, the girl gave an answer which may or may not be genuine because she doesn't want to seem 'too interested'. It also shows that you don't have the confidence to show your interest to her.

Now you're contemplating the values you've developed based off ONE girl (or potential girls). This is weak. The values that you develop as a man are of what YOU want. You need to be strong in what you believe, or you're just going to be that spineless guy.

Think about yourself. What do you really want? Do you want to change yourself to fit other people's expectations? Or do you want to be a man and do what you want.

I've been in University for 4 years now and I haven't had a touch of alcohol. Partying is way harder, meeting girls is tougher, but its just because you are not used to it at first. It takes time to commit to something and excel at it. I was in Germany this summer and I still didn't have any alcohol and had a blast.

So if you truly want this, DO IT. but you have to really believe in it if you're gonna succeed. It's definitely not easy at first, but the results are amazing in the future.

skgoa · 2012-12-31T19:59:57+00:00

I had the same problem as you. No actually, I was much worse. I used to take anti-depressants before going out. (And I didn't go out very often, anyways.) I absolutely had to get drunk to get out of my shell. I was diagnosed with severe social phobias. You know what the one thing is that actually helps? Not believing that you need a crutch. As soons as you let go of your fear, that very notion seems ridiculous to you.

Yes, it's fucking hard to put your self-worth on the line but you have to realize that you are the same person, regardless of whether you are drunk or not. The clever, likable person is inside you, the only thing holding him back is your fear of him being rejected by your peers. Everyone is afraid, everyone would rather crawl under their blanket and stay in bed all day. Yes, even successful people. But successful people, regardless of whether it's in PUA, business or whatever, share one common trait: they fucking ignore that fear. Because they know that they will reap the reward.

There is a line that many dating coaches and pua gurus have said. It is incredibly true and profound: "I have probably been rejected thousands of times." They have been rejected far more often than you will probably ever approach. And they continue to approach, because they know that a rejection doesn't matter in the long run. Their self-image, their concept of self-worth doesn't need validation from others. And thus it isn't threatened by rejection.

You have to realize that you can't make everyone like you just by not saying the wrong things. You have to put yourself out there. You have to put yourself in the verbal/social line-of-fire. Yes, there will be many asshats and bitches who will be mean to you. But that's live. You have to man up, learn to not give a fuck, and deal with it.

And yes, due to my personal history I know exactly that it really isn't as easy to do as it is to say. But take me as proof that it is possible and that it isn't even that hard. You just have to do it. If challenging a muscular biker dude to a bar fight is a bit intense for you at first, start smaller. ;) Get into the habit of talking to everyone, get into the habit of touching people and get into the habit of sharing personal stories. You will find soon enough that you actually are good at conversations, you just have to let yourself do what your instincts tell you to. Because that's the only thing alcohol does: it stops your concious mind from interfering with what you want to do or say.

For-Teh-Lulz · 2012-12-31T19:00:17+00:00

I find that vigorous exercise shortly before going out will give me a similar upbeat high energy state to what I have when I am drunk.

2012-12-31T23:33:06+00:00

The suggestion I have to debug this is to do some serious introspection and see if you are:

a) boring, or

b) coming across as boring.

The first step is to ask yourself if you think you have an exciting life? If you don't, then there is no way you're going to convincingly portray it that way to someone else. If this is the issue, then make a list of things you think are exciting and start doing them! It can be travel, learning a new hobby, learning a martial art or finding some high-octane adrenaline things to do like bungee jumping, sky diving etc.

If you think you genuinely have an interesting life, then you're probably just too modest and it's your presentation which is lacking.

The first part of this is making sure she knows what you're doing. You need to find a comfortable balance between bragging and DHVing. The best way to do this in my experience is to ask her a question where you know when she asks you it back you can talk about your thing. For example, maybe you're doing MMA. So you ask her what she likes to do in her free time and she will say something "blah blah blah, what about you?" This is where you get to say, "well, I recently fell in love with MMA..."

The second key part to your presentation is making sure to express what you find interesting in a way that she will too. For example, most girls won't connect with you saying, "Oh I love MMA, it's so much fun punching people." Ideally, you try and connect this to an emotion in her story, but any emotion is fine:

Fear- "I love conquering my fears. I was so scared of getting hit stepping into the ring in my first fight, my knees were shaking. But the feeling you have when you step out of the ring, even if you've lost. It's unforgettable. Like that time you did X (relate this feeling to her somehow) You know you've done something you didn't think you were capable of. It's like you conquered yourself"

Camaraderie- "What I really love about MMA is the brotherhood. It's like you were describing with your friends from X... (connection!) There's no one else I know I can rely on more than my sparring buddies. When you've punched someone in the face and they'll buy you a drink afterwards, you know you've found someone you can count on for life."

Excitement- "There's nothing quite like the feeling of stepping in the ring and having no idea what's going to happen. We spend so much of our days going through the motions, waking up at the same time, eating the same cereal, stopping at the same stoplights on the way to the same job. But when the ref blows the whistle, it's like the fog from the rest of the day is pulled back and suddenly anything can happen."

I hope that gave you some ideas about how to present what you find interesting.

bl1y · 2012-12-31T19:53:11+00:00

there's just nothing really about him

I'm guessing this is stuck with you so much because you might think she's right. Either you're insecure about your value, or you're aware that you actually don't have much.

theyou · 2013-01-01T10:48:13+00:00

Dude, I'm at the same place as you. In someways booze has taught me a lot since I started - like how it feels to be in the right mindset, how to approach, how to dance like fool, etc. The problem is waking up hungover and realizing you are your boring self again. This has actually hurt me quite a bit. I'll get a girls number at night, hit it off with her really well, and then plan on f-closing her the next day, But, the next day comes and I'm all tired, boring, and hungover.

I've decided to start over again and relearn without booze. I want to be genuinely energetic and passionate about life. I'm tired of relying on a crutch with nasty side effects that requires a "recovery period." I want to always just be "on."

Title	"There's just nothing really about him"...good drunk game, bad sober game
Author	llbeanfan
Upvotes	12
Comments	11
Date	December 31, 2012 6:32 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/15qfqt/theres_just_nothing_really_about_himgood_drunk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/theres-just-nothing-really-about-himgood-drunk.1345087 https://theredarchive.com/post/1345087

Comments