This is a guide that helps you get in touch with your true self. If you get laid more often afterwards or not will not matter because you don’t care anymore. Actually, you will still care but it will not be the focus of your life anymore. Getting laid will not have as big as an influence on your perception of your self worth as it (probably) has now (otherwise you wouldn’t be here so often).

I have been into Pick Up and (mainly) personal development for six years now. It has been quite a journey. I now have the feeling that I understand my motivations in life better. I learned to find out what I want, what is important and what makes me happy. I am by far not perfect though and fall back into my old ways of thinking and into my favorite traps all to often but I also know how to get back on track again. I still love myself when I do. I am 25 now and this what I learned.

- Forget about Mystery & the Mystery Method. Mystery tried to kill himself out of unhappiness even after sleeping with dozens of women. Do you seriously want to take advice from that guy? He created an alter ego for himself and the world and blew it up with grandiosity and the validation of frustrated men. His false self seemed to attract some kind of people but his breakdowns display how instable it was and how deep down inside he hated himself.

- Recognize your own false self. Your false self is a surreal or unhealthy standard you try to live up to or try to perpetuate driven by your ego. Your ego convinces yourself that you are only worthy of love, happy or valuable if you live up to that standard or reach that specific goal. The truth is that the day will never come that your ego is satisfied. To recognize your false self you can play the “why”-game. Ask yourself, “Why am I feeling jealous?”, “Why do I want to own this fancy car?”, “Why do I want to sleep with 100 women?”. If you come up with an answer ask further, “Why do I think that I will be happy when I have slept with 100 women?”, and on and on. Doing so you will get to know yourself and the motivation behind your actions better. Thereupon you can decide with much more clarity what you actually want (or how you want express your true self).

- Don’t act, be! Somewhere along my journey I caught myself thinking in ways like, “If I do X/Y she/they will think P/Q and be attracted to me / like me”. A lot of PU teaching is based on that kind of thinking. What it boils down to is the belief that in order to be worthy of love you need to act in some way or another. This belief often stems from an unresolved childhood issue. As children our emotional needs have to get met by our parents (or other caretakers) as we are yet not able to meet them ourselves. However, if this emotional validation is not unconditional we learn that we only get loved when we behave in the way that our parents want us to. This belief is hard to unlearn. We have to start loving and respecting ourselves for what we are in order to resolve this issue.

- Love yourself. People that love themselves do not sabotage themselves, hang out with people that don’t respect them, harm themselves, try to be someone they are not, bend over backwards to get validation from someone else. People that do love themselves do things that are good for them, listen/respect and accept their emotions and feelings, accept their flaws as well as their strengths. What helped me to love and respect myself more is to cut out the activities that made me feel shame and instead substituted them with activities that raised my self-respect I started nofap, going to the gym, eating healthy, meditation and follow my passion. There are still a lot of things that I can’t let go of (like booze) but that is okay (love your flaws). One last thing on this topic: Tell yourself and your body that you love yourself. Be loving to yourself.

- Don’t get caught up in the self-improvement trap. Over years I read all the self-help books and blogs I could get. It helped, but it never fulfilled me because I read them with the mindset: If I attain this skill, meditate every day, learn to pick up girls, become alpha, learn to speed read then I get the validation I need to feel whole. I now learned to avoid this trap by internalizing the following belief: I am fine just the way I am … and there is always room for improvement.

- Let go of the alpha male brainwash. Come on, no one can be alpha all the time. If you take “alpha” to serious you will always try to live up to this surreal phantasy, which makes you more miserable than happy in the end. Additionally, with the “alpha”-mindset you see everything in black and white or rather alpha and beta. Consequently, you feel superior at times you meet the standard and inferior if you don’t. These feelings are part of your false self and should therefore be a warning sign.

- Instead develop healthy boundaries. Instead of trying to be alpha all the time you should develop healthy boundaries for yourself. Find out what you want and what you don’t want. Decide what you tolerate and what you do not tolerate. Become clear about your values and then speak up if someone crosses your boundaries. You don’t have to become angry (even though sometimes you might be) you just have to communicate calmly what your boundaries are. Give a warning and if someone will not learn let him or her take the consequences. When you develop and display healthy boundaries you will start to respect and love yourself even more.

- Drop the fucking numbers. Instead simply decide if you want to date/fuck her or not. Using numbers you objectify women and you will put HB10 on a pedestal, which influences your behavior, thoughts and feelings around her.

- You will attract what you are. If you play games with girls, you will attract girls that play games with you. If you are honest with women, you will attract women that are honest with you. If you let people disrespect your boundaries, you will attract people that disrespect your boundaries. It is that simple! Choose wisely.

- The less you are in your head, the less doubts will arise. How do you stop living inside your head? Interact with the world around you. Talk to people as much as possible. Dance, sing, hug whatever. Be in the now and not in your head. Warning: Being in the now does not mean that you should stop using your reason and common sense. Shut off your ego and not your brain.

- Don’t try to be cool. The moment you try to be cool you are not! Don’t bother thinking about whether something you say is cool not. Important is that you feel good about it and further don’t give a fuck.

- Be outcome independent. That does not mean be outcome independent in order to get laid. What it means is be outcome independent because it is the best way to express your true self as unfiltered as possible. The better you can express what you really are, the more the circumstances and people you attract will make you happy.

That is all for now. Feel free to comment and criticise

Djandalf_le_Gray

Edit: Literature that influenced me the most lately:

Here is what I think is valuable about pickup

  • overcoming your fears
  • working on yourself
  • studying body language
  • getting in touch with your sexuality
  • learning to connect with beautiful women
  • communication skills
  • learning to lead ... I could go on and on I think you get the point

Here is what I think is harmful about pickup

  • objectifying women
  • feeling superior compared to other beta chumps afc loosers
  • overanalysing every interaction
  • not hanging out with your non-pickup friends anymore
  • making pick up your identity
  • feeling bad when you not kiss-close at least 2 women the night you go out
  • being obsessed with being an alpha male
  • putting too much value on your laycount (this is still hard for me)