Tips on maintaining self-esteem in the face of massive social rejection?

martinuzzy · 2020-03-08T20:31:34+00:00

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it's going to mess with your self-esteem. The best thing is to not try and stop it from happening, but wait for the situation to calm down. I have a saying for this kind of situation. It's easier to move a stone up the hill than it is to stop one rolling down the hill. This basically means wait it out and then make your move. Another tip would be to not try to make friends with everybody at work. Rather try to get friends from oustide of work. Small talk never hurt anybody, but there's always a limit. My general rule of thumb is that if a conversation is getting awkward, just excuse yourself and go somewhere else or continue your work. You'll find friends soon enough.

CheekyEmu · 2020-03-08T20:23:35+00:00

Lean into it. Keep getting rejected until you realize that the people who reject you don't matter and the ones worth your time won't reject you.

TranzitionState · 2020-03-08T20:38:44+00:00

Don't try to be anything else than you are. Don't try to get anyone to like you. Your own validation is all you need. Accept yourself realistically.

saysister · 2020-03-08T21:01:36+00:00

It's a skillset, not a reflection of who you are. I never played poker, but if hopped on a table, I know damn well I'm eating shit. Does that say anything about me as a person? You're going to make mistakes and stumble around like a fool, might as well just fuck it and have fun

noobmaster1991 · 2020-03-08T21:58:34+00:00

Realistically it will happen. It happened to me. I've lost my so called friends and I have no one to go out with and party but it's probably for the better men. be the nomad, be the solitary tiger going out and test the waters! Have fun! I know it's hard and I know trying to get friends is hard because you act and feel needy but sometimes you just have to do it yourself. Have fun alone! Enjoy the moment!

fallout52389 · 2020-03-09T01:43:53+00:00

I didn’t see anyone mention this but try not to judge those people for rejecting you. You treat them the same as you did when you were trying to get them to hang out. Always be courteous and just shrug that off. Like others have said the right people eventually appear. I would recommend you to tone down the invites a bit and build more rapport with people and then if you feel they’re more comfortable around you then Invite them out. If you rush it they may assume you’re desperate but even then just take things in stride and ease off a bit.

BurnablesOnMondays · 2020-03-09T05:08:12+00:00

As someone who dealth with daily social rejection, even falsified social acceptance just to reject me later, from kindergarten through senior year of high school, the only healthy thing that maintains social self-esteem is positive social interactions. They're out there, you just have to find them, and stick with them.

DaydreamingMister · 2020-03-09T05:15:33+00:00

I feel you.

Here's what I'm thinking... Of all the people that work for your organization, perhaps only a small percentage of them would turn out to be people you actually like spending extended amounts of time with, and vice versa. Definitely keep showing yourself friendly when you interact with people at work, but as far as making a bunch of new friends at work... well, I'm remembering my experience working at a mid-sized university. In five years, of all the staff members there, I only wound up with a few of them as folks to hang out with who would call me and I would call them and we would go to each other's home or attend events in the community together, etc.

Also, for me, meeting amazing people to befriend has probably happened more often when I was keeping myself circulating out in the world through involvement in interests and activities that light me up! Things I'm enthusiastic about that I would enjoy taking part in even if I had no one to go with. (In my case, it's a ton of arts-related things - salsa dancing, hearing live music, taking classes offered in the community such as drawing classes, creative writing classes, as well as church involvement and volunteering, finally deciding it was time to start getting in the gym to receive the gradual visual benefits and the more immediate energy benefits and self-confidence benefits).

The other thing about focusing on involvement in your interests and hobbies is...well, there's more than just one thing:

Meeting someone there means meeting someone with similar interest(s), who is likely to be in some ways like-minded. And as they say, "People who like the same things tend to like each other."
Involvement in your interests and hobbies presumably means you'll be engaged and enthusiastic about going, and you'll feel the same way while you're there. As a result, your vibe and energy, etc will be lit and inviting to potential new homeys that encounter you.
There's always the chance that friends you make through involvement in activities may be people who end up inviting you to a get together where you're exposed to a whole other group of people, some of whom may hit it off with you as much as or more than the original group.
Having more fun in your personal life will spill over into your vibe and energy in other areas of life, including at work, making you a happier more positive person... and that "glow" will be on you as you come and go in the world, once again making you more inviting to potential new friends you may encounter anywhere.

caesarfecit · 2020-03-09T05:46:29+00:00

Social rejection usually comes from a lack of self-awareness. You're not aware of the things you're doing, how you come across, what you're saying or why you're saying it. That's what makes other people react that way.

Social skills is really the art of communication and expression.

But self-esteem on the other hand, that comes from self-trust, which leads back into self-awareness.

When our self-esteem is down, our focus is inward, rather than outward. We're too busy looking at our own egos, our own insecurities, our own daydreams to truly notice other people and understand them.

So the secret to rebuilding self-esteem comes from building a healthier relationship with yourself and transforming it into action. This starts a virtuous cycle where the more promises you fulfill to yourself, the more you act with integrity, the more you trust yourself and your own judgment, the more you reek of self-esteem.

And this in turn improves your social skills. Not only do you come across in a more pleasing and whole manner, but once you get over yourself, your focus is outward, rather than inward. Instead of self-love, you have empathy.

And then you get good at reading people. And that's something that almost universally impresses women ;)

TL:DR: Meditate and plan.

theworldlyafrican · 2020-03-09T12:41:54+00:00

Just do your job. For real. Focus on it when they ignore you. Don’t let the feelings of rejection build until you can’t work. Use it to function.

Bacore · 2020-03-09T14:08:36+00:00

Hey, if you tried being their friend and they rejected that idea... it is their loss. Either you have a lot to offer friends or you're just looking for someone to fill the empty voids in your life.... if it's the former, their loss and you shouldn't feel anything except regret they weren't smart enough to know. If it's the latter, maybe you need to learn how to fill you own empty gaps and let that help you make new friends

Ligottis_Unborn · 2020-03-09T08:55:47+00:00

If you're trying to make friends at work to hang out with outside of work, I would suggest stop doing that. Hanging out with people you work with seems like it would be a good idea, but it has a lot of risks. These are people you have to see on a daily basis so if you make bad impressions, it can screw you for the rest of your time there. It can be nearly impossible to recover from situations like this if you stay in the same workplace. I suggest trying to meet people using online resources that are into pickup or similar subjects. It would help if you tried to find other guys to go out and do pickup with as this can be a fairly easy way to make new friends. But yeah, stop trying to hang out with people you work with.

Title	Tips on maintaining self-esteem in the face of massive social rejection?
Author	zach84
Upvotes	14
Comments	13
Date	March 8, 2020 8:17 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ffidwl/tips_on_maintaining_selfesteem_in_the_face_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/tips-on-maintaining-self-esteem-in-the-face-of.1492051 https://theredarchive.com/post/1492051

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