what does it mean to give value?

BroseidonSirF · 2013-08-02T03:54:10+00:00

Giving value means enhancing others' lives. It means making them feel better.

For example complimenting them.

I'll add onto this but I really need to take a dump

E: Generally, being selfless and making people feel better about themselves.

Let's say your friend drops the fact that he snowboards. Giving value to him would be saying how that's amazing, must be difficult, flattering things that make him feel better.

When people feel good around you (even if you stroke their ego) they'll want to be around you more.

justme15 · 2013-08-02T05:11:15+00:00

Value is literally anything that has value. It's a very vague, abstract idea, and without the relevant life experience, you really won't understand what "value" is.

Traditionally, we're led to believe that "value" consists of looks and/or money. In reality, it's nonsense. It may help you feel better about yourself, giving you confidence, making you more fun and enjoyable to be around (i.e. value), but it's really the confidence that brings value, not the looks or money.

Bringing value isn't about the mechanical motions that you're doing (e.g. giving a compliment or buying a girl a drink). Bringing value depends on who you are, and the way you do it. Simply being confident and charismatic means that pretty much anything you do will bring value, generally speaking.

Let's say you're a needy, socially awkward guy. You give a compliment to a girl. That doesn't bring any value, because you yourself are not really a valuable man. A girl can get a compliment from any ol' guy.

But what if you're a confident, charismatic man? You give a compliment to a girl. That actually means something, because confident, charismatic men actually have options. So, when you give a compliment to a girl, you're basically saying "out of my different options, I like you".

Let's say you're in a party. You're shy, socially awkward, and uncomfortable in the environment. People are at the party to have fun and let loose. You aren't going to bring any value because you're going to be the shy wallflower. People aren't getting their emotions pumped by being around you. But, let's say you're having a blast, dancing around, and just having a good time. You're bringing the party, as they say. And since you're having fun, the people around you are having fun. Here, you're bringing value.

Maybe, just as a small rule-of-thumb, you can try viewing value as being able to pump peoples' emotions in a positive way. For example, you're at a party, and you're having a blast. People will feed off of your energy, and have fun simply by being around you. Maybe you're just hanging out with your friends, and you're cracking jokes. People are going to be laughing and having a good time. Maybe you're with a girl, and you know what to say and how/where to touch her to really turn her on. Basically, people feel good by being around you simply because you're that kind of guy.

However, avoid the pitfall of being a dancing monkey. A dancing monkey tries to pump people up because they want approval and validation. They're basically communicating, "look at how cool and positive I am! Do you like it? Do you???!?!?" Rather, the value-bringer pumps people up simply by being who he is. He's not trying to be funny or whatever, he simply is. He's making jokes because he finds them funny, he's not making jokes so that other people will think he's funny. He's dancing with girls because he enjoys dancing with girls, not because he's trying to fill a void and that it'll make him feel better about himself. This is what people mean when they say "just be yourself" or "be genuine".

I have to emphasize that looks and money do NOT necessarily bring any value. It pretty much always comes down to confidence and how you handle yourself. You could have the looks of a Greek statue, but if you're still socially awkward and boring, you won't bring any value. You could be as rich as Bill Gates, but if you're arrogant and can't hold a good conversation or whatever, then you won't bring any value. Unless you're speaking to a girl who's superficial, then you might bring value (not that it's necessarily a bad thing for her to do, maybe she just wants to fuck a good-looking guy and that's it, there's nothing wrong with that). An ugly, but confident and charismatic, man pretty much always has more value than good-looking/rich socially awkward boring guy.

I regularly hang out with friends that are better-looking or richer than me. If, on a given night, I feel more confident and "in the zone" than my friends, than the girls are going to be focusing on me (for the most part).

bonerfleximus · 2013-08-02T21:22:05+00:00

She gives sex, you give her $500. Value giver.

Enriching · 2013-08-02T03:41:22+00:00

The question is what do you add to the equation? If you have something to offer, you're adding value. Otherwise, you aren't.

itsmevichet · 2013-08-02T13:43:28+00:00

There are two types of people in the world: those who spend most of their time consuming, and those who spend most of their time producing.

What I mean by that is that there's the guy who goes and watches movies, and there are the people who actually make the movies. In that equation, you could probably tell who gets more respect and appreciation from others.

Being a value-giver is about having abundance, about filling your life with things that other people enjoy being a part of. It can be your humor, your stories, your talents, your dependability, your principles, or any combination of those things and others I haven't mentioned.

The key is not to become a doormat. Value givers are happiest when they hang out with other value givers in mutually beneficial relationships.

Jake_STi-RA · 2013-08-02T04:35:31+00:00

I talked to a girl at the bar (not the most attractive, but she was very kind and easy to talk to) and I complimented her intellect and drive to go get through graduate school. She took this as a genuine compliment and it earned me a number when she left.

I still need to work on giving compliments that show I'm interested. It's difficult because I do apply myself by using the key points to follow:

-Listen! Be interested in what she has to say! If you're worried about the outcome, you'll forgot key notes and fine details (was her name Amy or Jamie?)

-Be genuine. Say compliment because you mean it.

new_player · 2013-08-02T17:45:11+00:00

I once had an epic tryst with a girl from south america. We ended up traveling around together and really getting to know each other. I made her aware of a lot of strengths she didn't have, taught her how to ride a motorcycle, and pushed her out of her comfort zone. We both grew as individuals and learned a lot from each other.

So that. Do that. I don't view women I'm interested in as pieces of meat. I view them as valuable partners who share important moments in my life.

K-a-Z-0-o · 2013-08-02T06:05:38+00:00

Be fun. Why would a girl ever be with a tool. Be different from what they know and are used to. Be fun, cocky, smile, all the good attributes.

1vibe · 2013-08-02T06:56:32+00:00

Leaving them feeling better than before you interacted with them.

miles_v · 2013-08-02T08:10:19+00:00

A typical example is that when you're having a great time and being the life of the party, you bring value. You let other people join in on the fun you're having.

However, that's just one of many possibilities. Personally, I'm not the wild, crazy party-type. But I bring value in other ways: I might be the guy you can finally have a meaningful conversation with, after you've dealt with shallow bullshit all day. Some people have told me that I have a calming, relaxing effect on them. Because I'm relaxed, they relax around me.

In the end, you're a value giver if people feel better during and after an interaction with you, than before.

As for how to make this happen: I think an important factor is in your attitude. You can go up to someone and expect to get something. Maybe you really want her to react positively. You want to get a smile. You want her to come dance with you. You're in a position of waiting and hoping for a specific outcome.

On the other hand, you can go up and use the exact same words, but only be "giving". You make a compliment because you want to and you don't expect a positive, negative or any reaction. You invite her to dance with you, but you don't expect her or desperately want her to accept.

To have this "value giving" attitude, I think you need self acceptance. The more you know that you are a worthy, interesting person, the less needy you'll be in your interactions.

budguy68 · 2013-08-02T04:11:07+00:00

Its a total illusion because its not really real....

Let me ask you this, If you went out to the clubs and had an old homeless man with rotting teeth and old dirty cloths as your wing would he had value?

Where as if you went out with a supermodel to the club would she add value?

These are two extremes but di you get the picture.

Also Value always comes first. These means if you tell a women a joke she might not laugh if your value is shit regardless if the joke is funny or not. You can gauge value by how a group of women respond to you when you approach them. To me value goes up and down and chances from person to person.

But anyways regardless of whatever the situation assume you have value and assume women are attracted to you. I mean there are poor motherfuckers out there are that pulling more women than rich people.

Title	what does it mean to give value?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	20
Comments	19
Date	August 2, 2013 2:32 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1jjfdo/what_does_it_mean_to_give_value/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-does-it-mean-to-give-value.1356283 https://theredarchive.com/post/1356283

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