Where is the line between effort (pursuit) and neediness (oneitis)?

iskander_the_great · 2016-10-07T13:47:22+00:00

I usually have a 3 lives Mario Bros rule. If she doesn't reply she lose a life, if she text me with something that shows interest she earns a life. If she is busy but says that she is available other day she doesn't earn or lose a life.

If she gets to 0 lives, it's game over without continue.

leprogrammist · 2016-10-07T12:07:20+00:00

There is an easy rule. Mark Manson wrote an interesting article about it. If you ask a woman and she is not like "fuck yes" then you are basically wasting your time. Why would I spend months and months winning over one woman if I can ask three more and the third says 'fuck yes' and 'now.' Life is short. Of course if she is hot you can ask her another time. But think about it for a second - if somebody isn't even going for a coffee with you how likely are the further steps to succeed with such a person? When a coffee or a short chat is basically nothing. You would probably even say a word to homeless person but this person is not even investing that :) The girls that want to see the effort at first are the ones that want even more effort later on - so what will your life be like with such a person? Ask yourself if you want to fulfill all the wishes of such a princess in the future.

recyclablebanthas · 2016-10-07T14:15:21+00:00

For example you message a girl who sees your message but doesn't answer. (or she knows you're going to message her but ignores you.)

This isn't a simple explanation. People have lives to live and they can't always put those aside to answer every message right away. Sometimes shit comes up and you only have time to read a thing but not reply to it.

Assuming that you should take it personally when they don't drop everything to answer you right away, is needy, to be blunt.

OR she rejects you by saying she's busy (but "sometime later" she might be available).

Again, it depends on the situation. We ALL have shit to do sometimes. If she has a legitimate thing to focus on, a guy who has his own shit together won't be offended.

In the above example, do you message her 2-3 times more, or do you keep on asking her out?

Actually, when it comes to asking her out, you really should only ask her out once or twice. If she's into it and she's turned you down, she SHOULD be offering an alternative time. It's really on her to help make it happen if she's shot it down.

If she can't find it in herself to observe that basic a level of reciprocity, then she's not worth the trouble. Forget about this bullshit of earning a girl. Do you really want to live your whole relationship with such a girl, CONSTANTLY having the energy sucked out of you without getting much back? Because that's what it's like with a girl you have to "fight" for. They're all about what you can give them, and think that the "prize" of being with them is more than enough for you.

Load of crap. Don't fall for it.

TheXXL · 2016-10-07T09:24:06+00:00

For example you message a girl who sees your message but doesn't answer.

Here i stop pursuing. I am too old to play childish games.

(or she knows you're going to message her but ignores you.) OR she rejects you by saying she's busy (but "sometime later" she might be available).

I also stop here. For one it shows that she is not interested, since interested people make time for what they want, and i am not keen on becoming her orbiter. This behaviour also shows lack of class/quality and i thankfully accept that she is not worth my time.

How do you know when to stop pursuing her? There are a lot of girls who would like to see the effort before they give in -- and sometimes I think they're right: putting in effort and pursuing may indicate serious intentions. But on the other hand... how do you know the 'frontier' -- I mean how do you stop being needy and "let go" without embarassing yourself? In the above example, do you message her 2-3 times more, or do you keep on asking her out?

It is completely up to you, but i can't think of any reason to put a girl on a pedestal, let alone letting her play childish games with me. Like i say, i am too old for this shit, and what's ones loss, is another ones win. Think abundance and you won't move a muscle anymore to please "your goddess".

DaKing1718 · 2016-10-07T09:25:55+00:00

Asking her out shows that your interested and if she doesn't reply, I'd stop pursuing there.

If you've messaged a lot before asking her out then maybe wait a couple months, try reconnecting with her and ask her out again. I probably wouldn't, but it's unique to your situation.

But don't get hung up on her and know nothings probably going to come from it. And pursue someone else in the meantime, but waiting a few months shows interest and the 2nd effort might go a long way while also showing that your not desperate.

RespondsWithImprov · 2016-10-07T15:52:26+00:00

Think about it a different way. The girl isn't actually there. It's one's own level of neediness showing through. leprogrammist is right about it either being on or off

VanZin · 2016-10-07T09:22:54+00:00

The line is quite clear - just use your common sense. For example, instead of thinking woman/man or romantic scenario, just picture two people arranging for an appointment. If I ask you out for a beer and you reply 'busy now, maybe later' than it's up to you to get back to me. If I keep coming back asking 'how about today? Are you free?' After your answer than what would you think of me or my intentions?

If you established romantic/sexual intent and asked somebody out and that person refused, you can try one more time next week/month or just let it go.

Title	Where is the line between effort (pursuit) and neediness (oneitis)?
Author	Velcade6
Upvotes	9
Comments	11
Date	October 7, 2016 8:49 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/56afwj/where_is_the_line_between_effort_pursuit_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/where-is-the-line-between-effort-pursuit-and.1413562 https://theredarchive.com/post/1413562

Comments