Why is this so fucking hard? That is the question that my ego keeps asking me. Then my rational brain answers, because it has to be. It is going to take some time to unlearn the Nice Guy behavior that has been pounded into me from a lifetime of bad parenting, bad relationships, society, main stream media, etc.

The world outside my door is a chaotic crucible. Trying to force me back into my little AFC box, a comfort zone for the lazy man. I have to let the fire burn me and scare the hell out of me. It is the only way to win or else I go home alone.

I sit alone in the dark on this night, contemplating this life of learning game and how I can use it to maximize my potential. Why? Because I'm tired of being here. My friends, the naturals, the alphas, the players...got their shit handled and are now married, having sex, living a good life, and so on. While I play catch up and try to learn now what I wished I had known then. It's now or never. Do I have a choice? Yes, but the alternative is not growth, it is back to the dark room of bitterness, loneliness, and resentment.

I will soldier on. I will take action. And so, I will take the rejections. I will let my ego get bruised. I will let the AMOG push me around, but just one last time. Hold on to the belief that I can get through this Hell and come out the other side a champion. Take the pain now and earn my goals. I have a purpose and I'm on a mission.

Is this fucking hard?

It is now because I need it to be.