I’m a 66-year-old guy, newly divorced three months ago after 33 years of marriage and a long period of separation. My ex and I cared about each other, and there was a lot of passion early on, but over time it became clear that we weren’t emotionally compatible. We tried to make it work, but without an emotional connection, everything slowly felt shallow and performative, including sex.

After we separated, I decided to go through a complete neuropsychological evaluation and therapy to understand why our marriage ended. I finally learned what I couldn’t see in the moment: without emotional connection, I failed to appreciate and validate my ex fully, and the same was true in reverse. That's the core issue in a nutshell.

I was faithful throughout our entire relationship, including the years we were separated. After the divorce was finalized, my therapist told me it was time to start reconnecting with the world of dating. I went on a few dates that didn’t go anywhere. Then I met a woman four years younger, and for the first time in decades, something clicked effortlessly.

Today I’m still on friendly terms with my ex. We even spent Thanksgiving together with her family. I wish her well and carry no bitterness. I also want my sons to see that treating women with respect is something you do in every season of your life.

Here’s the advice I gave myself and my sons: Be present. Listen. Appreciate her. Validate her. Protect her emotional well-being. Keep her safe. This is not complicated. My goal with this new relationship is to build an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connection before getting physical, because physical intimacy always complicates things when the foundation isn’t built yet.

I’m grateful that I’m healthy, take no medications, have no pain, and enjoy my work. I told this woman I’m dating that I want someone who complements me, not someone who completes me. So we’ll see where this goes.

But here’s what matters most: You have to be willing to do the hard work of understanding yourself. What you fear, how you love, why you react the way you do, what you need, and what you avoid. Once you confront that honestly, everything else in your life begins to fall into place. You have to let go of the negatives and focus on the here and now to improve yourself for the future.