Question About Boundaries

RedRetrograde · 2020-08-18T07:10:52+00:00

I’m like this. I don’t know why, but as far back as I can remember, I’ve had an issue with oversharing.

The only advice I really have to give you is to just be mindful of the stuff you say around certain people. Easier said than done, I know, but there’s really no other way around it. Conscientiousness is key.

Sharing innocuous information is okay if you need conversation fodder, but really try to clamp down on the super deep details whenever you catch yourself slipping. It’s fine if you make mistakes here and there, because trust me, I do all the time. As long as you keep actively working on it, you’ll eventually be able to control it better.

theninjalibrarian · 2020-08-18T08:32:54+00:00

I think I saw a series of 3 questions to ask yourself about sharing personal information, that go something like this:

1) does this need to be said?

2) does this need to be said to this person?

3) does this need to be said to this person right now?

Those helped me, as well as dealing with my anxiety and remembering silences aren't awkward.

This is also where I use patriarchy to my advantage. If I dont have anything to say, i know it isnt expected of me, as a woman, to carry/lead the conversation, so I just let whoever else jump in (men are happy to do so).

_tinyimp · 2020-08-18T07:15:38+00:00

Whenever you’re reflecting on your day remind yourself of the shame and awkwardness you felt about oversharing and say you’ll do better tomorrow. Do this every night! It sounds kind of silly but I do this and feel like I haven’t overshared in a while because I actively remind myself not to. If you find someone prying and it’s getting hard not to overshare, turn around and ask them a question instead and they will most likely overshare about whatever is on their mind because people like to talk!

Another tactic is to be skeptical of why they’re even talking to you. What information are they trying to get from you? This will specifically help you when oversharing with men. If they ask a question that’s slightly personal, I immediately ask why would they ask that or ask them the same question they asked me to give me more time to consider whether I should share this piece of information or not.

sarcasticdoll · 2020-08-18T08:41:49+00:00

I do this as well. Even worse, I treat every man as he is gay because all my friends are gay 🤷🏻‍♀️ As a result, I have been in very uncomfortable situations where these straight men take my friendliness as flirting.

I have starting telling myself that I don’t own anyone anything and protecting myself is first priority. I am so used to some questions that I reply automatically; however, I realized with certain people I need think carefully about my words.

Definitely in some aspect, it does make me feel rude. However, I rather be taken as ‘bitchy’ and ‘standoffish’ than taken advantage of.

pineappleshampoo · 2020-08-18T10:00:21+00:00

Where does it happen most? Work?

Every time you’re about to enter a situation where you let loose, pull out a mirror and stare at yourself and say ‘don’t overshare’ of ‘keep your cards close’ or whatever short phrase fits. Every morning in the car before work if necessary. In the bathroom before a date.

I tend to overshare and have really asked myself why. I think I’ve figured out the reasons and they’re not flattering or pretty. But you can stop it with a little ongoing effort.

MsMarsLando · 2020-08-18T12:10:08+00:00

Oversharing usually happens for me when talking about people and life events. Talking about hobbies or things I'm interested in or bantering almost never leads to oversharing, so maybe try to expand the things you talk about to people about in those directions instead. Philosophy for example can be discussed for hours on end in a personal but not private way, or anything else - doesn't have to be shallow.

Small talk gets a bad rep.

burpleseaurchin · 2020-08-19T14:53:46+00:00

I don't actually have this issue, but I'm wondering if you tend to overshare only about yourself and not other people, maybe it would help to mentally reframe yourself as another person? It could be a nice mental shortcut to deciding whether or not to say something.

Title	Question About Boundaries
Author	theninjalibrarian
Upvotes	43
Comments	12
Date	August 18, 2020 1:13 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ibr9xq/question_about_boundaries/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/question-about-boundaries.164466 https://theredarchive.com/post/164466

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