How do you have "good" sex?

[deleted] · 2015-10-16T18:04:32+00:00

Same advice for both sexes: Focus on having fun and making sure your partner has fun. Communicate. Throw your preconceived notions out the door. Stop taking yourself so seriously.

belletaco · 2015-10-16T18:06:47+00:00

Talk with your partner about what they like. Ask them questions, listen to what they say and where they like to be touched and how. Don't assume all women like to be treated the same because we don't. I really dislike one night stands, not because I think they're dirty but because its bound to be bad sex. It helps to have a connection.

super-commenting · 2015-10-16T18:25:27+00:00

Speaking as a male these are the things that my partner does that make sex great

-be hot, this one is self explanatory. The more attractive she is the more turned on I'll and this the better the sex will be.

-Be enthusiastic during the sex. In general I like to take the leading role but that doesn't mean she lays there and does nothing. Bounce your hips in rhythm with my thrusts. Running your hands along my body. Pull me closer. Kiss me passionately, moan and let me hear how much you're enjoying it.

-Voice your attraction to me. I don't want to be with a girl who just wants a dick. I want her to want my dick. Complement my body. Get excited when I take my clothes off. Nothing turns me on line knowing the girl I'm with thinks my body is the sexist thing she's ever seen.

-build anticipation. A little crotch rub in the car. Some naughty whispers at the party. Make it so that by the time we get to the bedroom I can't wait to rip your clothes off

And these are the things I do in order to make sex better for my partner.

-try to be attractive and hygienic. Again self explanatory. I work out wash my face and most importantly brush my teeth. Nothing kills the mood like bad breath.

-establish a good mix of alpha and beta qualities. In my pinion the best sex is had when there is an animalistic chemistry (driven by alpha qualities) but also a loving bond (which requires at least a little beta).

-establish a good rhythm. Great sex isn't had by just pounding away. Sex should be like a symphony with a gradually shifting rhythm before reaching a climax.

-pay attention to her reactions. Watch her face and listen to her moans. See which patterns she responds to and use that knowledge. This makes sex better for both of us because seeing how I'm capable of inspiring pleasure turns me on.

-don't be timid. This doesn't mean put it in her butt with no warning but if you're in the middle of sex don't stop and ask if you want to change positions just start moving her body into place. Personally I'm not into any bdsm kinds of stuff but I still like being the leader and women seem to prefer this.

[deleted] · 2015-10-16T19:02:25+00:00

In relationships to keep the 'spark' alive, make sure to have 'special' sex at least a couple of times a month.

Last relationship, I'd buy some new really nice underwear(or items, or plan out something) and half an hour before he finished work send a few (just about)SFW pics of the lacy hem peeking out or something. Have his favourite food ready to be heated before/after and have some good alcohol. Or he'd cook my favourite dinner, make a few cocktails and buy some handcuffs/underwear or whatever and send me pictures of the box/himself that are again just about work-safe.

Keep the other's preferences in mind, maintain attractiveness, if there is a position that doesn't hit their spot, don't do it all the time.

In a more casual relationship like FWB, I avoid doing any emotional connection stuff like sending pics. Be responsive, for both partners, I should be able to tell if you love/hate/like what I'm doing. Move, unless it's the other's kink most of the time lying there isn't that great for the other person, if she's riding touch her or buck your hips or something, also goes for women.

If you're not sure if something's okay, check. I don't do any kind of bondage outside of relationships, it requires a bit of an emotional investment on my part that would make FWB too messy. So if it's you've done it with them a thousand times before go for it, if not, make it clear what you're going to do (not necessarily asking permission) but giving them time to say no/not yet.

For guys, don't ignore the clitoris. For women make sure everything below is nice if you want oral (same with guys, but sometimes vaginas can get pH out of whack from overcleaning etc, whereas if you've washed your dick you can be pretty sure it's good to go).

Also, communicate FFS, a lot of sex issues are two people failing to communicate.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2015-10-16T19:29:11+00:00

Weed

[deleted] · 2015-10-16T21:23:39+00:00

Have it with someone who really, really wants to have it with you. And really really want to have it with them.

betterdeadthanbeta · 2015-10-16T18:52:30+00:00

Dudes: pop a Viagra beforehand. Be in good shape. Pay attention to her reactions. Ask how she likes it. Breath next to her ear, grab her throat, bite her gently, be physically dominant, lift her, pin her, put her arms over her head or behind her back and hold them there.

Make out. Figure out how she likes being touched re: her clit, g spot, nipples. Give good oral. Suck on that clit. When you fuck, figure out whether she responds to various rhythms, angles and intensity of thrust. Keep asking her if she likes what you're doing. Try some basic dirty talk: "you like how my cock feels inside you?" Throw some names at her if she seems responsive. "Fuck yeah. That's my good little slut."

Get intimate here and there. Keeps you from getting winded and keeps shit from being repetitive. Whisper in her ear, kinda hold her. Grind. You're in control. Take the time to put your hands everywhere. If she was particularly responsive to fingering or oral, you can pull out and go with that for a time. Encourage her to stroke your cock. Try and make her orgasm when and where you can. You'll feel contractions in the vagina, a general uptick in her reactions. Don't obsess over making it happen if it doesn't. Focus on the overall experience. Make her feel deeply connected and possessed. Be present and responsive and intense.

Come where you're supposed to come (ask where she wants it) . Don't try crazy things like anal unless you talked about it beforehand. Let her cuddle you if she wants but don't initiate it. Don't talk too much after unless she wants to. Be attentive to her mood. Some days they want quick hard fucks, other days tender lengthy love making. Ask. Some chicks never want to fuck longer than 15 minutes or so, others want that as a bare minimum. Ask.

OlBastard · 2015-10-16T19:37:12+00:00

Pretend you're a caveman.

rulenumber303 · 2015-10-16T20:34:25+00:00

Well you start by developing your ability to have fun in general not just in sexual situations, recognise fun in self and others, tell when fun is being had, tell when the fun appears to have stopped. If you don't have this there's not much point attempting to instruct you and if you do have this you will probably be able to wing it in sexual situations so long as you've got a bit of basic education about the mechanics of the matter.

vincentninja68 · 2015-10-17T00:56:24+00:00

Communication, trust, safety.

Communication is just that. You can talk to each other about anything. Likes, dislikes, fantasies, fears, etc. You never feel like you're walking on eggshells with your words, and you feel free to talk openly with your partner. Nothing is off the table. If you're afraid to talk to your partner about something, then you should definitely talk to them about it. If something can kill the relationship, you have to address it asap. Otherwise it'll just be on the back burner to mess things up later. Whether that becomes a problem 3-4 months from now, or 10 years into a failing marriage with 2 kids, your call.

Trust is big. Going back to communication, you need to feel like you can trust them that they'll keep what you said confidential, and feel safe being vulnerable with them. You trust that they won't be unfaithful, you trust that they won't use what you've shared with them against you.

Safety kinda repeats trust, sorta. Feeling safe with your partner means not just feeling physically safe, but mentally and emotionally safe too. You're not afraid to be yourself, and you feel like you're not in danger opening up. You feel safe with them and or their presence empowers you.

All of this, translates into the bedroom perfectly. When you're feeling safe, you can finally just let go, sex is now just doing. You're not stressing out about anything, and just lost in the moment, orgasms seem to come easier.

andrewisgood · 2015-10-17T03:26:54+00:00

For me, I was one of those guys who asked if the girl came, and I'm still like that with my girlfriend, I guess it's my own insecurities. But I usually always tried to be focused on the woman's needs, because if she is enjoying herself, that is usually pretty hot in and of itself.

FirionDarklight · 2015-10-17T13:28:18+00:00

She better use those nails while I nail her. If my back doesn't look as if it was ravaged by a tiger after we are done, I will be disappointed.

[deleted] · 2015-10-17T17:25:25+00:00

Sex is good as long as it lasts more than 3 minutes and I find the guy attractive.

[deleted] · 2015-10-16T17:48:04+00:00

That depends entirely on what you think you would enjoy. I can't speak for someone else on that. Generally, it should be very passionate though, if you are anything like me. If you aren't feeling it, better to chill and go back to it later.

bromance946 · 2015-10-16T18:20:11+00:00

Just be yourself.

[deleted] · 2015-10-16T18:12:48+00:00

at least IMO... have it with someone you like and care for. discuss likes and dislikes. be comfortable with your body, and the person you're with. be willing to try new things, when you feel comfortable with it. also... be able to laugh it off if something silly happens.

i've never been into casual hookups though, so some of this may be more applicable to relationships.

ExtraWingyScapula · 2015-10-16T18:34:39+00:00

The number one rule is to make sure everyone is on board with whatever is going on. You don't have to clinically ask, "please touch my penis now" or "may I touch your nipple". But an occasional, "you good?" as a check in will keep any "miscommunication" to a minimum. Number two rule is to watch and ask. Go slow. Make sure everything is wet. You don't win a prize for shoving it in 30 seconds after initiation.

[deleted] · 2015-10-17T00:04:20+00:00

The male should have a huge cock the female should scream

Xemnas81 · 2015-10-16T17:49:27+00:00

Step 1: Be attractive

Step 2: Don't be unattractive

Step 3: Just Get It

alreadyredschool · 2015-10-16T18:13:24+00:00

Go with the flow.

circlhat · 2015-10-16T18:16:49+00:00

Sex is emotional for a female as well as physical, meaning you need to turn her on in her mind. Doesn't matter how good your stroke game is, if you don't excite her no technique will work.

Sex is not purely technical, I had a women cum just from giving me head, while another just got dry while I fuck her for 30+ minutes.

Be a great guy outside of the bedroom, excite her emotionally , and she will love sex with you.

[deleted] · 2015-10-16T23:55:11+00:00

Dominaton. Seriously, if you're an alpha male, she will orgasm. Doesn't matter what you do, your percieved SMV is all that matters.

Title	How do you have "good" sex?
Author	ThrowEDQuestion
Upvotes	5
Comments	59
Date	October 16, 2015 5:45 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3p0l0p/how_do_you_have_good_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-you-have-good-sex.279024 https://theredarchive.com/post/279024

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