I have been working on some things in my marriage and wanted to share my progress as well as request additional suggestions or tips :)

I didn't want my husband to get bored of me so I tried acting "sexy" and he was actually turned off by it... attempts to dirty talk were met with the response "What are you, a whore?" I learned that my husband doesn't like me to be overtly sexual and I am trying to learn how to be "sexy" without conveying the image of "slutty."

I also heard a conversation of some other men in our social circle who were basically saying that modern women watch pornography and try to imitate porn stars in bed, and generally come across as fake and whorish and not genuine (fake moaning, dirty talk, and so on). And that on the opposite spectrum are women who are lazy in bed, prude, frigid, and just lie there without vocalizing at all.

So what I am learning in my sexuality is to really become a soft sensual girl - not a brash hypersexual girl. To be sensual without conveying sluttiness/"dirtiness." To lure him to "pounce" on me in a feminine and subtle way.

Things I have been trying with success:

  • Focusing on the visual; doing everything I can to look my very best; focus on being visually appealing during intimacy (such as accentuating the arch of my back and showing off parts of me that are visually appealing to him)
  • Sweet smiles instead of slutty lustful 'bedroom eyes'
  • Choosing white or pink lacy, frilly lingerie and hosiery as opposed to black leather or "sexier" styles
  • Giving an "accidental" glimpse of cleavage, with an innocent smile
  • Very subtle touches like brushing his arm, holding his hand, while smiling
  • Generally conveying the attitude of "I'm sweet and innocent but just a wee bit mischievous" rather than "I'm a horny slut and I want you now"
  • Having the attitude that sex is fun, not 'dirty'
  • Sweetly passionate kissing
  • I learned that he doesn't like me to initiate sex or talk about sex
  • Instead of asking for sex, offering a back massage or foot rub, or just kissing him and seeing where it leads
  • Subtle submissive seduction with innocent yet mischievous smiles, flirty submissive downturned eye contact, and feminine body language
  • Lots of laughing and playfulness
  • Using my softest sweetest voice

His response has been so amazing! Now he wants to go to bed together every day, and he is aways grabbing me and touching me whenever he gets a chance. Aside from that he is so much more loving in general, paying attention to me, wanting to hold me in his arms, and all that nice sappy stuff.

I hope my experiences can help some other women add some new things to their repertoire. I think the key thing is to SMILE! :) Maybe SOME men DO like the more hypersexual type of female sexuality, but clearly not all men do and I don't think we're presented with the alternative in our culture. I'm still learning so if other women have any suggestions I welcome a discussion wholeheartedly.