SAHs, how do you avoid loneliness/depression/feelings of isolation?

_wingnut_ · 2015-10-13T15:48:30+00:00

Come to the irc

StingrayVC · 2015-10-13T14:39:49+00:00

I am busy most days nearly all day long. Plus I'm introverted so I don't get as lonely or depressed as some. Having said that, it does happen from time to time and when you have babies it is more pronounced.

When you have babies, most towns and cities will have playgroups where SAHMs take their babies so the moms can talk and the kids can play. As they get older, taking them to the park will be something (or even as babies) to do as their will be other moms there. As they get older there will be more and more opportunities, if you seek them out.

In the meantime, check the library for local clubs such as knitting or crocheting. There are usually plenty of sports to join as well. Get online and just google adult groups with the names of your town. There are usually several to choose from even in small towns. Also, don't underestimate the gym. Huge help for this.

Really, you just have to make yourself look, find something that interests you and make yourself go do it. It actually gets easier with a child because taking that child out becomes a priority even just to get some fresh air.

The biggest thing is to just make yourself do it.

Edited to add: places like reddit also help a lot, mostly because (for me anyway) I very rarely meet women with whom I have much in common with. Blogs and RPW have helped a lot with that aspect and can help those like me. I'm not sure if that applies to you or not.

[deleted] · 2015-10-13T15:48:17+00:00

Before kids I worked part time in an office all by myself. I'm naturally introverted. This I remember enjoying: thrift store shopping, antique store browsing, coffee shop with a good book, library, park, museum, running errands alone. I honestly didn't find new friends until after having children. Moms are often desperate to meet people. Just try to enjoy this special time. It won't always be this way. Also consider learning something new. Maybe sign up for an art class, or take a course online. There are lots of ways to cultivate talents and improvement.

cats_or_get_out · 2015-10-13T20:57:12+00:00

I was in your shoes 10 years ago! My husband got orders to a remote duty station in the middle of the desert. (30 miles from a a Walmart/90 miles from a Target)

We moved and then he was gone for weeks at a time (pre-deployment work ups). He deployed 2 days after my daughter was born, so here I was in the desert with a baby.

I discovered that volunteering filled that sense of loss. I had a chance to be around other people and to do something that felt meaningful and connected to something bigger than myself.

I found an organization that would reimburse my babysitter for the hours that I volunteered. Quickly, I discovered that even volunteering a few hours a week was really refreshing. Without that, it would have been just me and the baby--day and night and day and night. You get so lonely that you spend too much time talking to the cashier at grocery store because it's another adult! Human contact!

I did make friends with some of the wives on my street (lived on base), but meeting people that way is so tough. People are always leaving (to a new base), so you spend a lot of time meeting people that you'll know for about a year or so before it's their time or your time to move.

Kittenkajira · 2015-10-14T21:29:33+00:00

I decided to leave my part-time job to work from home about 18 months ago. I got a lot of flack from co-workers and friends for wanting to be a stay-at-home wife. We don't have children yet.

Here's some of the things people told me:

You're going to get bored and go back to work.
I could never do that, I need to keep busy.
You're going to get sick of seeing J all the time.
You're going to get depressed being alone all the time.
You're going to start eating all day and get fat.

None of that happened. There's some strange stigma around not working that makes people assume you'll turn into a crazy cat-lady. You find ways to fill your time, and there's no shortage of things to do. I thought I would miss that validation I got from co-workers. I really don't. I'm much more relaxed and happy now. It took about a year to get a routine going that I really liked. I like to do different things on different days. So Tuesday and Thursdays are dedicated to my work, Monday is for cleaning, Wednesday is whatever day, and Friday is sewing day. Exercise on M/W/F.

You can find friends by joining some sort of interest group. Could be church, school, gym, or a book club. I recently discovered meetup.com and will be trying my first outing this weekend. It helps to have projects and hobbies. I was just chatting with an old man who makes friends despite moving frequently by being in Dungeons and Dragons clubs. Who knew?! There's a club or group of people for everything.

LeeLee_inBabylon · 2015-10-14T13:09:47+00:00

I am a mom and that makes it easier in some ways and harder in some ways. It's easier in that mom friends are abundant and easy to come by, and the awkwardness of making new friends is reduced by 90% because you can hide behind the ruse of wanting to "socialize" your kids and set up a play date.

At the same time, I've learned that just because you amass a pack of mom friends doesn't mean you'll really click with any of them on a deep level. It's nice to have though.

I've been at home for 3+ years and the most important things to keeping happy and cheerful during the week are going to the gym at least 3x a week, having a solid and consistent routine, planning out well ahead of time to make sure I'm going to be spending time with old friends or working on new friendships, and spending time working towards goals and projects that are just mine.

I'm not isolated from the adult world at all. I'm just isolated from the working world. Being an isolated, lonely SAHM is not so much about being a SAHM as preexisting factors like social anxiety, laziness, hermittessness.

PursuingGrace · 2015-10-18T02:48:59+00:00

For me, it helps that I have a scheduled weekly 'coffee date' with my girlfriends online. We all live at least three hours away from each other, so it really helps us. Then, I also do a lot of volunteer work, that keeps me from going nutty. Although, I have been told I am not really a SAHM, because I have a business out of my home, that I make sure does not interfere with my husband's job, and only requires my children only have childcare for two hours on Friday evening. So i DO get a pretty decent amount of time out of the house and around other people.

Title	SAHs, how do you avoid loneliness/depression/feelings of isolation?
Author	freebumblebee
Upvotes	4
Comments	10
Date	October 13, 2015 2:21 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3ol8fd/sahs_how_do_you_avoid/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/sahs-how-do-you-avoid-lonelinessdepressionfeelings.85672 https://theredarchive.com/post/85672

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