When he "maybe" wants kids

MetalDevils · 2017-11-30T22:01:57+00:00

I'm so sorry she went through this, and even worse that her misfortune will hopefully serve as an apt warning for all the women here.

Unfortunately, many women are told that once they find a guy, and invest a certain amount of time and energy in the relationship, her best course of action is to stick it out. Of course, many men are told the same thing.

I believe it's called the 'sunk cost' fallacy. You think that everything you invested up to a certain point is reason enough to continue investing, even if the returns are ever diminishing.

I don't think young women have it easier than early 30's women actually. Yes, they have youth, but with that also comes a lack of experience. Older women have less time to make things happen if they want children, but they are also more likely to have a better sense of who they are and what to look out for.

It's hard to say exactly where the best balance between youth and experience can be found for most women. My best guess at the moment is somewhere between 25-27. Old enough that they've likely had at least one serious relationship, young enough that there isn't a rush to run down the aisle and start pumping out babies.

The vast majority of my social circle has transitioned from never wanting kids, to maybe, to a circle full of bouncing bundles of joy. I have always been uninterested in children, yet even I can sense a softening within myself. It doesn't amount to a 'maybe,' not by a long shot, but I recognize the shift and will continue to watch it for additional changes.

In the pursuit of trying to figure life out, it can be hard to remember to build in room to grow.

franky19902 · 2017-12-01T14:04:41+00:00

For the other point of view: if you're a definite "no" and he's a "maybe", be wary that that "maybe" isn't "not now, but someday".

Really, if you know what you want - whichever side of the fence you're on - don't invest huge amounts in a fencesitter and don't expect to change someone's mind!

popschips92 · 2017-11-30T23:10:50+00:00

It's actually amazing that this topic randomly came to my mind today (the idea of a couple not 100% agreeing on whether they want kids)... particularly this 'maybe' situation.

I think there are many ways to bring up the topic of maybe having kids one day and it's too important to ignore. I'm not saying it's a good idea to sit down with a guy on date three and plan out on which particular day you'll give birth, but there are many ways to get a sense of whether someone wants or even likes kids.

Does he have/ get along well w/ younger siblings, does he volunteer for children's orgs, etc.. OR does he not even like holding babies, does he find kids annoying, does he make a face whenever there's a family w/ small children seated by you two at a restaurant, etc

At some point in the relationship it will be appropriate to gently bring up the topic and see how someone feels about having kids. I for one know FOR SURE that I want kids so I would have a hard time with someone who says "I dont know, maybe."

I wouldn't want to bank on that person potentially changing their mind on something so major & I'd hope I'd have the nerve to get out ASAP and spare myself the heartache.

Relationships can be difficult enough when you DO agree on the big things (religion, parenting, career goals, etc)...why make it even worse by sticking with someone when you disagree on the big things? These aren't things that 'love' can overcome.

[deleted] · 2018-03-18T19:23:34+00:00

My best friend is going through this right now. At first, he was a hard no on marriage and children. She stayed with him anyways, though she wanted those things. He did eventually propose, though I believe it was probably due to some pressure, and they even set a wedding date. He decided he wanted to postpone. I'm not sure where their engagement stands now. They started talking about children again last summer. He was a maybe. So she decided she'd give it until this June to let him decide if he wants kids or not. If he doesn't, she'll break up with him. I honestly ache for her. I know she loves him very much and they have an otherwise wonderful relationship. But he's not going to change his mind about kids, and if he does, it's going to be something he resents her for. She is the kindest, funniest, most intelligent woman I know... and she's freaking beautiful! It's not that I have anything against him, but I wish she would just break up with him and find somebody who can give her what she wants... because she can definitely get a great guy! But she's 32 and if she wants kids, she should probably start looking now for somebody to have them with!

JStheHammer · 2017-12-03T19:06:24+00:00

I'm a guy. Maybe means no.

Title	When he "maybe" wants kids
Author	NewMindRedPill
Upvotes	26
Comments	12
Date	November 30, 2017 8:25 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7gpbec/when_he_maybe_wants_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/when-he-maybe-wants-kids.73856 https://theredarchive.com/post/73856

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