How to handle mother in law

gd_reinvent · 2022-08-22T16:54:16+00:00

Have your fiance talk to your MIL, it's his family.

I personally think that if they want the event to be unisex, then it should be an engagement party, not a bacholrette party.

FluffyHandle1990 · 2022-08-22T15:19:41+00:00

Congrats on your engagement 🙂

Bridal showers and bachelorette parties are for the women.

Engagement parties are co-ed. Engagement parties are co-ed because it’s in honor of the bride AND groom.

I’m getting married in April of 2023. We got engaged this past May. Because of logistics, travel, etc. my maid of honor threw an early bachelorette party last weekend because all of my friends were in town.

She and my FMIL are throwing an engagement party, which will be this fall.

It’s understandable why a masculine man wouldn’t want to attend a bridal shower- it’s for the bride and female friends and family members. Engagement parties are totally different.

NevermindTheCrows · 2022-08-22T17:15:17+00:00

Can't your fiance just tell them that he isn't coming, if he is opposed to co-ed showers? Maybe I'm missing something but I don't see why you'd need to cancel the whole shower. That would seem rude after you already agreed to it. I'd have been a little hurt if my SIL did that to me.

socksonmonkeys4117 · 2022-08-22T15:43:41+00:00

Congrats on your engagement!

I know it’s hard, but now is the time to start implementing boundaries. Moving forward, I would encourage you to not agree to something unless you want to or it’s absolutely necessary. Since you’ve already agreed, graciously accept the shower but with boundaries.

Kindly but firmly tell them, “I really appreciate you guys doing this for me and I’ve invited my female friends and family, but my fiancé does not want to join. It would make him very uncomfortable and I want to support him and respect his boundaries. Could Dad of brothers throw him something with his male friends instead?”

Say no but with grace and offer an alternative. Stay firm if they push. If they insist on traipsing over him, you may have to cancel the whole thing. Nip this type of manipulation in the bud.

girlwithasidecar · 2022-08-22T18:01:15+00:00

Since you

already agreed to a shower
already told them your fiance isn't interested

and

They think you can change his mind
They don't seem to be of the "male leader" mindset

I think you have gone through all the initial steps correctly and gracefully. In your shoes, this is the point where I would start to make lighthearted, laughing dismissals of their suggestions.

MIL: "You are the woman, you get to decide"

You: "haha, you'd think that! but I don't want to upset him before he's legally stuck with me" "I know! I know! I just can't convince him, I'm failing in my wifely duties already!"

When people used to ask me about kids, I found the best way to dismiss the issue was giving them a light, joking, and unexpected answer ("oh (waves hand in dismissive gesture) I am waaaay to selfish for children, I can't even remember to feed the cats"). People smile and don't usually pursue it further.

And then of course your fiance should be telling them that he isn't interested and holding his own boundary (which it sounds like he is).

Glittering-Neck557 · 2022-08-22T16:46:12+00:00

I feel like your fiancé should be the one setting this boundary, no? He is the one opposed to it - you can piggyback onto him setting the boundary with his family.

RantaPekka · 2022-08-23T10:28:21+00:00

It's very simple. You just tell her you are not having a second bridal shower. You need to grow more of a spine. Family relations can be important but it should be very secondary to what you are as a couple. It's you and him first and foremost. Just do it in the most cordial manner. "It's unfortunate but we can't have the second bridal shower." "Yes would have been lovely but it's just doesn't work for me."

You have to be able to say no. And in this setting it has to be done with respect. Even if the party isn't respectful.

I know I should choose my husband and set the boundaries with his family, but I don’t know how to say no.

Yeah very typical for women. But there are times you can't conform to your comfort and you have to retain difficult boundaries so that you retain the integrity of your relationship. It's not directly about the integrity of your relationship but sort of is because you need the ability to set boundaries.

And on top of it this is important for yourself.

Have your fiance talk to your MIL, it's his family.

Someone else's comment not a bad idea. He can put his foot down much more as it's his family. Your focus should mainly be remaining cordial.

Title	How to handle mother in law
Author	sunglasses90
Upvotes	9
Comments	20
Date	August 22, 2022 2:35 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/wuvb9l/how_to_handle_mother_in_law/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-handle-mother-in-law.1128451 https://theredarchive.com/post/1128451

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