Summary:

I was your everyman BP example from r-relationships. The more time I'm away from that shit show of a marriage, I see more similarities than differences. Just today, I roll over to r-deadbedrooms and see the same story. The details aren't the same, but the pattern is.

The pattern is an important guideline. it's not intended to be perfect. For example, on my particular TRP post talking about my situation, there were some nonsensical ideas about alphas that didn't relate to my story at all.

Body

My story is like all the other really shitty stories from relationships. Its as if these bitches are reading from a fucking script. It might as well be the same no originality, basic bitch nonsense as describing "travel" and "eating" as hobbies.

I actually found TRP before the divorce and before the relationships post. I fought a lot of the definitions and terms. I actually downloaded Langley's book on Women's Infidelity, and put it down when it described my wife to a tee and suggested she found another man.

"No way, I'm special. She's special." I thought. I put it down. I came back to it when I found hard proof.

I'm not special, and neither is my story. My marriage was bad, and my ex-wife was despicable. Its the Ugg boot equivalent of bad marriages. /u/vengefully_yours might as well be my story. This guy might as well be my story. However, for how nasty she was, she had a whole pack of friends giving her support.

When I exposed the affair and all of her nastiness - I was shocked how suburban women and some men closed their ranks fast and ran with my ex’s bullshit damage-control narrative. There was no fucking way anyone who would look at this objectively not see her as anything less than a dangerous cluster B character disordered individual. Watching the herd go into team girl mode really changed how I viewed gender and society.

They have a choice to take responsibility -or- to double down and play the victim. Where do you think thats going to go? Fast route to victim status? Some sort of abuse by you. I got the accusations of emotional abuse. Sure. Years of a dead bedroom destroying your self-esteem, the gaslighting about other men, the bacterial STD, the lies about credit card debt. Kids as pawns? Enjoy family court. A man getting upset about that? Well, that's emotional abuse, you see.

When people say to walk away and cut all contact, you fucking do it. Eat a Xanax if you have to. Shes going to work any and every angle to be a victim, and that includes taking your pain and twisting it to get victim status out of it. The best thing for you to do is walk and better yourself. Robbing her of victim status will sting, hard.

Alpha, Paradigms, and Echo Chambers.

The pattern is important. The ideas put here were critical in pulling me out of this dogshit. However, it can go too far. Now, when my x-post came on here, I got the standard fare of "He's not alpha enough." The guy she got caught fucking was a cancer patient who listened to her feeeeelings. We can wax philosophically about my squat form, how I handled shit at home, or whatever, but I just can't see it with this guy. The posters who made that comment missed the mark. Sometimes when she cheats, it isnt because the guy is more alpha.

This bitch was selfish, and she took a path that followed Michelle Langleys model much more closely than the Alpha/Beta split. I think the alpha/beta paradigm is helpful, but theres room for adjustment. IMO, she has a more accurate model that describes the steps she takes to "it just happened."

Aftermath

Now I have a girlfriend 13 years younger than me. Shes much hotter. More interesting. Fucks way better. Shes basically better in every way. If anything, I keep thinking I can dump her and do better. So far, its working, but I no longer believe these things can be permanent.

I have a nightmare, and its I wake up, its 4 years ago, and I'm laying next to my ex-wife, still married. I'm not in that nightmare. Today, its great. I'm still putting together my new life, and so far, its much better than married life with nowhere to go but up.