First time questioning

rocknrollchuck · 2018-07-14T05:19:15+00:00

Hmmm..... she won't sleep with you, but slept with someone else. She promised to change, but 4 years later you still have a dead bedroom. But she wants to stay married - just doesn't want to sleep with you, and has made that overtly clear.

Why would you stay? Don't you want someone who wants you? Dude, there's a certain point, beyond which change is not possible. You passed that point 4 years ago. Your post makes me angry. Angry for you. Have some self-respect and divorce her. Get your ducks in a row and in the meantime, go see a lawyer. If you can't see that this is over, then nothing anyone here can say will help you.

And when you finally go to leave, GUARANTEED she'll try to have sex with you. If you do, and she ends up pregnant, you're screwed. I would just look at her when she offers herself to you and say "No thanks" as OI as possible, then walk out the door for the rest of the day and don't look back.

man_in_the_world · 2018-07-14T03:55:55+00:00

The rule of thumb is about a month per year of your LTR/marriage.

gettingmymojoback · 2018-07-14T04:21:15+00:00

Known cheater. Still dead bedroom 4 years later.

She’s still having sex, it’s just not with you.

Next.

I’d still do the work and use her as a sparring partner until you’re fuckable though.

simbarlion · 2018-07-14T03:49:28+00:00

FlyingSexistPig · 2018-07-14T04:31:06+00:00

Don't go Rambo.

Enjoy your gym gains. When your wife sees that other women find you attractive, it will change things.

FoxShitNasty83 · 2018-07-14T07:37:16+00:00

I'm in the same boat mate, for the first 6 months to a year focus on lifting and getting your body fat down. And shuting the fuck up, I know it's hard (no pun intended) but take sex out of the goal.. this is a side effect and will happen in its own time with or without the wife. This is about you! Start posting own your shit weekly.

abudun79 · 2018-07-14T18:18:18+00:00

STFU!

To answer your question: I remember there's a rule of thumb that states you have to calculate 1 month per year of marriage. Or so. Don't know how accurate this is.

Keep in mind that she will be somewhat delayed all the time. You change so much about yourself, but for her: You have to produce visible results, then she has to notice, she has to understand it's not a phase, she maybe tries to resist change or drag you down first, then she has to adopt to it. In that time you've come further in your self improvement and focus on stuff she didn't notice yet.

While you improve yourself: STFU. That is the hardest part of all. Avoid covert contracts because there are no guarantees (that she has to change for the better, just because you did).

And make peace with the thought that Athol Kay's is right when he states, that you will live a happier life, but maybe not be married to her anymore. Divorce should be on your list of opportunities on how this ends. Think it through before it get's real. Will also make you more confident.

Did I mention you need to STFU?

Good luck, man! Don't give up on yourself, save your marriage if you deem it worth being safed.

WombattlerFC · 2018-07-15T11:59:14+00:00

Thanks men. I understand the "drop her now" sentiment because AWALT but when she cheated I was the most pathetic depressed beta so I don't blame her at all. Of course it was fucked but I am now at that point where if nothing improves after the requred time (married 20 yrs),so I'm looking at nr 2 yr plan, then I will be ready to move on. We moved away from the town where she cheated and we back there over the weekend. Of course we see him just as we were about to meet friends for lunch. I said "that'd be fucking right", she asked if I was ok and I said yep and then had a great lunch with friends. I did not give a fuck and didn't turn into the shithead cry baby I would've in the past. And it felt good.

We have 2 kids aged 18 and 17 so they are old enough to handle any break up.

But I believe that all our goals should be to do our absolute best to stay married as long as we can retain our dignity and sense of self purpose and get the sex we need. In the meantime I will own my shit. Lift and enjoy life. Thanks

ChokingDownRP · 2018-07-14T04:13:11+00:00

Results will come when you make them come. Have you initiated with your wife? Have you lifted? Read? This shit works, but you have to work. Do it right and your life will change.

Ok, I initially stopped reading before the cheating part. Next. That. Bitch.

BobbyPeru · 2018-07-14T05:39:05+00:00

Sidebar, lift, and work the dread levels slowly.

dread levels

Focus on you until the stay plan is the same as the go plan.

If you get there, you will just know whether or not to pull the trigger. You have to do the work though- there are no short cuts or easy answers. The answer has to come from within.

FlyingSexistPig · 2018-07-14T13:57:50+00:00

Lots of people are saying move on. Let's not be hasty. This isn't a 1 night stand, it's a marriage.

Divorce is a disaster. You don't go through that life changing tragedy unless you have to. Nobody wins in a divorce. It's like an earthquake. You might end up with more than she does, but you still lose a lot. And your kids will suffer. Even if you ended up paying 0 child support, 0 alimony, got to keep your house and got a 20 year old nymphomaniac hb10 for a gf, your kids would still suffer.

You've been doing the wrong things for a while, and having swallowed the red pill, you're fixing things. Good.

Understand this: your wife desperately wants your leadership. You work on yourself and you lead your family. As far as time frame for change and seeing clear results? 1 month for every 1 year of marriage. If you've been married for 12 years, you should spend 12 months righting the ship. She doesn't have the same maturity that you do. I'm guessing you've passed the age 28 tipping point, when you are just as mature as she was at 18. She doesn't mature past 18, and you never stop. So now, you're the adult in the relationship. You have to make the hard decisions. You can get her input, but you make the hard decisions.

Good luck. When you need help with specifics, come back and ask.

weakandsensitive · 2018-07-14T08:25:54+00:00

If I were a betting man, I'd bet against you actually doing anything - so this whole post is a moot point.

helaughsinhidden · 2018-07-15T11:46:31+00:00

OP, do you have kids with this woman?

Remember that actions speak louder than words. No one wants a sexless marriage to dont believe her when she says she wants to stay, she just doesn't have a better offer on the table.

Build up your mind, body, and souls AS IF you are need to attract the last woman on earth amongst a sea of men, but act like there is a sea of women in line for you. Don't be a half ass pussy, clearly that's been your default for a long time.

BostonBrakeJob · 2018-07-17T03:36:10+00:00

So how long until I pull the pin?

If this is your end game, then why wait?

screechhater · 2018-07-14T13:32:59+00:00

Next. No question about it.

If I could have my cake of your financial resources, I wouldn’t fuck you either, but I would fuck MFWB

Title	First time questioning
Author	WombattlerFC
Upvotes	3
Comments	23
Date	July 14, 2018 3:44 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8yqg9f/first_time_questioning/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/first-time-questioning.204218 https://theredarchive.com/post/204218

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