How to implement "me time"?

mejor_o_nada · 2014-06-11T16:03:27+00:00

It sounds like your wife is controlling, which is why you're probably here in the first place. You should know that in order to change, it'll be painful, it'll feel weird, and it will be difficult. But you should also know that it works. You've come here to ask advice from TRP, and you're having a hard time digesting it. That's normal. It's because you've been trained to think one way you're entire life, that it's uncomfortable. That feeling will pass.

Addressing the angry wife who denies sex, just fucking walk out. Chances are she would have found a way to deny you sex anyway. This way, you're making a statement and you get to go do something that YOU want to do. She'll be mad, you won't get sex, but is sex worth your pride? No, it's not. By just up and leaving, you'll likely face some backlash, but handle that backlash like a fucking man. Be stoic, stern, non-combative. DO NOT FEED INTO HER SHIT. She'll yell, curse, insult, but you gotta push through it like an adult. She'll get over it.

You say you don't have any justification? You don't have to justify shit to her or to anyone for that matter. That's the point of coming here and getting your relationship back on track. I think you provided this forum with enough justification through what you've said. She'll "get really angry and deny me sex." "It's just the kind of person she is." "The kind of relationship we have." Do any of those phrases sound like something you could be proud of? If walking out randomly gets her attention, even negative attention, she'll have a different view of you. You'll go from the pussy-whipped bitch she knew to the guy who will just walk out and go do whatever he wants. Which one sounds better?

If I had a choice between angry wife who doesn't respect me enough to fuck me, and angry wife who respects me because I respect me, I'll go with the respect route every time.

pleasedontknowme30 · 2014-06-11T15:35:01+00:00

I disagree with the whole "just leave fuck her feelings" mentality. There is a line of respect and nothing wrong with a bit of info "hey i am going out with the guys, will be back in a few hours".

blarggggggggggg · 2014-06-11T17:18:45+00:00

I was in the exact same boat as you.

You need to FACE YOUR FEAR and get past it. What would be so terrible about your wife getting angry? Would she murder you? Deny you sex - who the fuck cares, even in LTR you need to develop abundance mentality and outcome independence. This will increase dread and reduce her chances of cutting you off. She is more likely to deny you sex for failing the shit test when you get back home, not from you staying out.

Is your frame so fragile that you cannot remain calm and practice amused mastery? Your justification for doing this is that you are a human being and you need some 'me time.' You shouldn't really need to justify yourself at all. Go out and mentally prepare yourself for whatever shitstorm, yelling, silent treatment, pouting, whatever happens when you return home. Maintain your calm, maintain your frame.

It is far better to put up with the momentary pain of her storm of emotions when you do what you want, then give into her and have the permanent pain of losing her respect for you as a man.

What you say afterwards is whatever works best for your dynamic. Read up on all the typical shit test tactics. Removing yourself and affection till behavior improves, joking and teasing, simply stating behavior is unacceptable, whatever. Just DO NOT apologize and DO NOT make excuses or justifications to her, that is the behavior of a guilty child, not a grown man.

violent_frame · 2014-06-11T18:25:01+00:00

Just nuke it from orbit.

'Honey, I'm not happy with my life right now, that includes spending too much time with you, you are not my everything and I'm going to start doing something about it. My happiness is not in your control.'

Then you will have many conversations on this topic and it's incumbent upon you to keep your frame of self-interest.

Edit: You are clearly too invested in her opinion of you. If she withholds sex then she was never that into you to begin with.

darkroastbeans · 2014-06-12T03:05:17+00:00

Couple of suggestions:

Try short trips first. Go out for a drink, don't tell her, but keep it to a few hours (at first). Just break her in. If she gives you shit its easy to laugh and dismiss because it's so little time.
Leave her a note that says you've gone out, will be back late. Shows courtesy in that she knows her night is free, but you assert your independence without apologizing.

These have both worked for me. Best luck.

kick6 · 2014-06-11T16:03:40+00:00

TRP is all about breaking the garbage we've "heard and seen our whole life." That garbage is designed to subjugate men under women...and withholding sex is a tool they use to reinforce said subjugation. So basically, there's no shortcut around your bullets. Getting me time shouldn't require justification, you're just going to have to deal with feeling bad until you can break your beta conditioning, and if your wife decides to withhold sex as a means to display her anger (fucking childish, and as far as I'm concerned actually breaks her marriage vows) you're going to have to take even more me time to punish her for reacting like a child.

Lastly: you're going to have stop excusing things as "this is the kind of person she is, this is the kind of relationship we have." That makes it sound like you're entirely powerless here, that she's the boss, and that you're either ok with it or too much of a pussy to do anything about it. She's not the boss. I give you permission (and you need to give it to yourself) to pursue the kind of relationship you want. However, you're going to have to work towards it, and saying "well, it is what it is" is exactly the opposite. You are a man, be a man, and fix what's broken. As a man, you're going to have to be able to risk taking the loss to fix this, though. Your manhood, your honor, your dignity, should totally outweigh maintaining the shit facade of a happy marriage you hint that you're living under.

wtf-did-i-marry · 2014-06-13T18:06:08+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	How to implement "me time"?
Author	wtf-did-i-marry
Upvotes	13
Comments	10
Date	June 11, 2014 3:25 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/27vs55/how_to_implement_me_time/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-implement-me-time.140248 https://theredarchive.com/post/140248

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