I'm going to keep this post short and sweet because I'm very new to MRP, but getting started comes with its challenges.

Since I've started applying the MRP principles and observing my wife's behavior, I've found that a few times I've been failing in a different way when my wife makes reasonable requests.

Once I started identifying shit tests, I saw them everywhere in her behavior. Sometimes she would ask me a direct, reasonable question with zero attitude - "Did you bring the garbage cans back in?" and I thought I was trying to agree and amplify - but really I was stuck in her frame. I hadn't disconnected from the validation and I thought I knew exactly what was coming next: a shit test about how I just left something else for her to do. In short, I was seeing a lot of false positives. She had trained me to expect the shit test.

The problem: I was still stuck in her frame. I was worrying about what was in her head. It made it easy for her to gaslight me.

Once I started to understand and implement stoicism and the DNGAF philosophy, I saw those questions for what they were: questions. My wife just wants to know if I packed our daughter's lunch for the day. If I'm handling my shit (I take care of our daughter's entire morning routine by myself), there's no need to get defensive. The shit tests are definitely there (usually even in the same conversation as a reasonable request), but it's so much easier to pass them when you see them for what they are.

Just starting out, having an ego and being a little bitch was holding me back. I was being a sarcastic prick. My wife pointed it out, and she was right.

I've had way more success once I identified shit tests more clearly. I'm not passing every single one of them, but my reaction time is better and if I didn't pass I'm making a mental note for next time. At least now I'm looking out for number one every day and staying in frame. She's told me she appreciates that I'm not just reacting, and she's been sweeter and more affectionate toward me. We're making progress because I'm making progress.

Obviously a big caveat here: most guys are probably failing actual shit tests, and that's obviously a greater risk than overreacting to a reasonable request.

The big lesson for me was if I just focus in on the true shit tests, my reactions will become more powerful. For me, right now it's more effective to have a slow transition. If I do fail a shit test, I make a mental note to be ready for the next one.

TL;DR - Problem: if you treat reasonable requests as a shit test, you can do more harm than good. Caveat: you're most likely fucking it up by failing shit tests. Lesson: get good at reading the pitches: hit the fastballs down the middle, but also don't swing at shit that's outside of the strike zone.