Everything I've learned to improve dates

I have been keeping track of everything I've learned to improve my dates. Here it is.

This post is different from other posts is that it does not try to be general advice for everyone. The advice is very specific while most advice is vague. This is what I do and may not apply to you. The overarching theme of this post is that your strategy needs to be adapted to both you and the girl you are going on a date with.

While some of the stuff about mirroring may seems strange, I think everyone wants to try to conform to what's popular in order to fit in. I'm not saying to lie. Just avoid topics of disagreement. I understand many people on seddit feel they have the opposite problem in that they are too agreeable. So this advice is specific to myself and others like me.

The point about making the conversation 80% about her may be controversial. Of course, it's better if you can discuss something you have in common. But discussing her interest is less bad than discussing something only I'm interested in.

Here are some things that help throughout life, not just in dating

• body odor
  • benzyl peroxide on upper body and especially armpits. I believe this one tip is the single most important thing I did.
  • oxiclean odor blaster on laundry
• speech therapy
  • blow bubbles into a glass of water through a straw. Try speaking into it
  • close the velum
  • open the throat
  • lower the larynx
  • foward resonance
  • fix lateral lisp
• speak fluidly with pauses placed at the appropriate times. Don't have pauses in the middle of a clause. I need some pauses to have time to think. Avoid run-on-sentences because that makes it hard to find an appropriate place to pause.
• style.
  • nike airmax for added height
  • levi's jeans that are a little less baggy than what I usually wear

Date specific things I've learned:

• Mindset during the date: focus on the girl. A lot of the other things follow naturally from focusing on the girl. When it's time for the date you don't have to have this whole post memorized. Just remember to focus on the girl. The following things all come naturally from focusing on the girl.
  • eye contact
  • making her feel that you are similar to her
  • mirroring
  • making 80% of the conversation about her
  • conversation that matches her interests
  • find things in common
  • compliments
  • keeping conversation going with comments, cold reads, assumption stacking, follow up questions, getting-to-know-you questions.
  • conveying a sexual vibe comes from focusing on her sexual attractiveness
  • physical escalation is driven by your sexual attraction to her
  • reading cues
• physically escalate:
  • simplest way to start escalating is to compliment her appearance. Do this pretty early on but not as soon as you see her.
  • light brief touches early on. Do it either while complimenting her or while talking.
  • Easiest places to escalate: picnic, bench, couch, or backseat of a car
  • don't rely on having a certain plan. Something could go wrong. Be adaptable. Still make a move even if the circumstance isn't ideal.
  • When conversation is getting good I might forget about making a physical move because I'm focused on conversation. But this is exactly the best time to make a move!
  • I don't really need an excuse to touch them but it helps if I show something on my phone as excuse to get close
• It is more important to be normal and similar to her than to stand out
• be agreeable
• try to give the popular answer. Like how a politician would choose his opinions based on polling data. If she asks what music you like say Michael Jackson rather than saying some clarinet player no has ever heard of.
• List of things that should be mirrored
  • feelings/opinions/preferences. When agreeing be more expressive than just saying "yep". Add a comment that is further supports what she said without just repeating it.
  • values. So guide the conversation towards deeper topics that show what her values are. Hopefully, I share those values and then this is an opportunity to connect.
  • energy level
  • are they open to new recreational drugs?
  • riff on their jokes
• first date conversation. The conversation should be 5% small talk, 15% dhv and 80% about her
  • start with basic small talk to warm up
  • Talk about her. This shows I care about her. Also, learning about her will help me mirror her.
  • Don't talk about my own personal interests that she doesn't share
  • don't allow awkward silence. Here's the best ways to keep conversation going ranked. Notice that asking questions is the last resort because it feels like a lot of effort.
    1. relevant comment
    2. daygame techniques of cold reads and assumption stacking
    3. follow-up questions such as "what got you into that" or "what's your favorite part".
    4. memorized list of getting-to-know-you questions.
• Wait until she arrives. Then walk in immediately after. It is awkward when the girl arrives later than me
• DHV (demonstration of high value). It is important to DHV while still being relatable. Don't DHV with something quirky, nerdy or badass. Stick to the generic stuff listed here:
  • talk about travel. This specifically is really important.
  • talk about what I am accomplishing at work
  • skii. I know this seems weirdly specific but it is the #2 most expensive sport you can do. Hockey is #1 but it's unpopular
  • talk about friends

fundamental goals of a date:

The woman wants a man with good genetics that will stick around to support her if she has kids. She also wants sex or else the rest is all moot. So on a date the goals should be to: - connect. Like show you are similar to her. make a lot of eye contact. - show that you like her. So compliment her. Show interest in her life. - escalate physically - show confidence. - DHV. But I don't think girls are expecting anything spectacular for the DHV.

Even if the girl is very smart don't go out of your way to have an intellectual conversation unless it's clear she is attacted to that. Conversation about your traveling and her running might seem boring and shallow but they are actually more relevant to the fundamenal goals of a date then an intellectual conversation. Discussing the nature of the universe might seem more interesting but it's actually more relvant to discuss the girl and yourself.