Need advice on inner game

TinkleThief · 2016-08-18T04:12:23+00:00

Your level of confidence shouldn't be dictated by how you look on a given day. It's supposed to be something that's tied to your inner self, something that's unshakable regardless of external factors like how you look. Though being in shape definitely helps with attracting women, it won't do much if you can't even talk to them (trust me, I'm in the same boat).

Meditation is a great start. You should keep doing this regularly. However, it's not a cure-all. Yeah, after years of dedicated meditation you might see some really life-changing stuff, but it won't do much in the short term.

Unfortunately, there's no real easy answer for this. If there's a quick-fix for building true inner confidence, I haven't seen it. Confident people are confident because they've gone out, done difficult / challenging / scary things, and learned new skills. That's literally what confidence is: the feeling that you are capable of doing something. You can't get there without going out and doing these things.

If you haven't already, I would suggest reading a couple books about confidence as a bit of a primer. I found this to be incredibly helpful, since you'll probably find a lot of things that resonate with you personally. I would say start with Mark Manson's Models, and also The Confidence Gap is fantastic.

xTlrxPrototype · 2016-08-19T00:43:57+00:00

/r/nofap

Liquorpuki · 2016-08-18T04:52:36+00:00

You have to own your flaws/insecurities to the point you can communicate them like they're nothing and don't affect you

If you can tell a girl, you stutter when you get nervous, or that sometimes you think you don't look good, or whatever insecurities you just posted up top... and can tell her about them comfortably without hating yourself, you're unstoppable. And that girl you're dating, no matter how hot or cool you thinks she is, has a ton of "flaws" too she's probably hiding

See this is where Mark Manson's book and Brene Brown's vulnerability research are useful

Jacob_961 · 2016-08-18T07:00:25+00:00

This is the best shortcut I found till now.

Self esteem is how YOU view yourself. It has nothing to do with others or how others view you. If you allow the validation or disapproval of others affect you, you are essentially declaring to the world that you self esteem is open to re-evaluation, which it should never be. Men are supposed to be stronger than women, at least physically. If something she does affects you or something in the world flinches you, how can she trust that you will be strong for her and protect her when the lion is about to eat her when she is pregnant. You get the point. Men aren't allowed to be weak. It's unattractive.

Furthermore if you think that you need to do something to get the girl attracted, you have essentially adopted the frame that you are not enough on your own and have to compensate for your lack.

The frames that are helpful for attraction are:

Every girl is replacable. (They are)
She should be chasing you. (This short circuits women's brains. When you tell the girl "Hands of the merchandise", "Buy me a drink", "This is the part where you start hitting on me", "Is that a line?", etc... you become the challenge) and she's not living up to your standards. Don't be a dick but women like challenges. I wish it could be as easy as just being strong, shielding her from negative emotions and making her feel special. You need to set the frame that she has to win you over and she will buy into the frame if you don't relent and your playful. Key is not to be a dick.

My favorite line is something Derek uses when a girl starts giving attitude. "Hey, an ivy-league educated entrepreneur white boy isn't for everyone..but it's for some."

If in your mind, she should be chasing you, women are replacable, and your self esteem is not dependent on anything external, you have a good basis to be yourself and be playful.

AReniassanceMan · 2016-08-18T12:22:59+00:00

Dude almost everyone has this confidence pendulum thing. I certainly do. The trick is to go talk to girls anyway when you are not feeling super confident. What your self image is at a certain day should absolutely not decide wether you do game or not. It's just your ego trying to get you not to approach. If you can say, 'I feel like this, but i'll do it anyway', you take away all the power from these feelings. Anxiety can only be fixed by doing approaches regularly. I wrote a blogpost about momentum in game: http://arenaissanceman.org/?cat=2. Read it if you are interested in how to make momentum your friend.

MindsEvolve · 2016-08-18T15:34:38+00:00

There are some good points already here. I just thought I'd add this:

There are 2 things that can make us feel confident:

The world ("I look good in the mirror today" - A compliment from a stranger) - We can't rely on the world every single day. Some people get tricked into thinking this - think about hot girls. They get validation almost every day so they never practice number 2:
Ourselves. You can start practicing believing that you are attractive. Just thinking it is the start. You have to practice believing it, which is on a much deeper level. I always recommend affirmations. Google them if you're not sure.

Best of luck,

Evan Magor - Honest Dating Coach - Anyone who wants an awesome dating life can schedule a FREE 30-minute skype session with me here: calendly.com/evanmagor

johnnysway · 2016-08-18T17:10:01+00:00

This is all really great advice, thanks! I realize that inner game is something that is worked on step by step and takes a long time to develop a solid inner game, so I will start day by day fighting off negative feelings and approaching more women.

jbleet · 2016-08-18T08:28:56+00:00

Question(s):

If someone approached you on the street and started yelling and abusing you, could you stand strong? If he started pointing out all yours 'flaws' and the way you live could you look him in the eye and say 'fuck you this is me'? Can YOU own YOU?

If not then you're not living your truth, your intention. Your confidence and self esteem will be shot if you don't believe in what you're doing. Working out is great for self esteem, but so is dressing and presenting yourself well. Its sometimes the outer appearances that will create strong inner confidence.

Moreover, remember why you do this. Why you're talking to that girl. You do this because you want positive relationships in your life and you want to move forward as a man. Once you know why you're there, really become present. Grab the attention of others by committing to what your saying (talking 'through' a person) and looking them dead in the eye. No second guessing. This is your purpose. If you genuinely believe you deserve respect then why not demand it of others?

Title	Need advice on inner game
Author	johnnysway
Upvotes	12
Comments	12
Date	August 18, 2016 1:06 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4y9dk8/need_advice_on_inner_game/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/need-advice-on-inner-game.1411068 https://theredarchive.com/post/1411068

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