Utterly fucking confused, I think pickup materials destroyed my brain. Need expert advice, very tl;dr.

Delightful_White · 2012-04-02T15:17:59+00:00

What I want: I want to fuck at least 10 different chicks in this year, I want to be able to approach a beautiful female ANYWHERE, talk to her and get to know her. I want to be able to get gorgeous girlfriends and fuckbuddies any time I want like the good-looking and smart males who have normally functioning brains.

You have goals, which is good, but you're aiming pretty high right now. You want to play in the World Series, but you haven't even played your first Minor League game yet.

You seem like you have confidence, but your lack of experience kills it when you are in the field.

You need to take a step back, analyze your situation, and start at square one. Dont worry about fucking models and hot drunk chicks. Don't worry about what your friends do. Worry about yourself and what you need to do to succeed.

Like I said before, you have high goals which is good, but they are unrealistic at this stage in your game. You can't even approach a girl yet, but you want to bang 10's?

Start off small. Try approaching random girls on the street. They don't have to be hot, you don't even have to close. Just get used to talking to women. Sure, they may not all go well, but it's good practice. Once you get used to talking to random women, throw in a little kino. Once your used to that, try number closing, and so on.

Try approaching at least 3 or 4 girls everyday. Set your goals low, and use positive momentum to work your way up the totem pole. Eventually you'll be #-closing and getting dates. Next is club game and makeouts, SNLs, and bathroom lays. You can't just wake up one day and be good at game dude, you need to put in the work, and this is where many people fail, because they expect pussy handed to them on a silver platter. Doesn't work that way dude. Pay your dues. It's worth it.

You can't bang 10's if you can't talk to 5's.

Also, stop taking the game so seriously. It's about improving yourself and having fun. You clearly aren't having fun, which is on of the cardinal rules of game.

geekyclown1 · 2012-04-02T16:23:20+00:00

I just stopped in to say you mention that this is taking a toll on your studies. That is THE MOST important thing right now. If you don't have your shit together, people know it. Get your affairs in order then worry about chasing tail.

Edit: wrong use of then and than. Good to know that English degree is paying off.

puaCurveBall · 2012-04-02T16:02:46+00:00

First off, get off the "normal functioning brain" bullshit. Even the most normal brain will get into fucked up territory if it starts with bad reference experiences. You don't have some magical non-human brain, you just need to fix your limiting beliefs and mindsets. I wrote a post on how I did this personally, but you'll need to find your own path.

Ok, first off you need to learn to stop living in the past and future inside your head, and just be mindful in the present. RIGHT NOW you are not having any of these problems, you are just typing away on your computer. Stop reliving all your failures or worrying about all the ways things could succeed or fail when you are talking to a girl and just enjoy the moment you have with her.

It is probably a fear of failure stopping you from approaching, your ego is much more protected because you can think "Oh, if I had just given it my 100% instead of freezing up, I would have totally had success. It isn't my personality that is making me fail, just that i'm freezing"... It is much more damaging to your ego if you gave 100% and did everything you thought right and still got rejected. (which will fucking happen, often, even to the best)

You need to give yourself permission to fail. Regardless of how awesome your ego thinks you are, right now you are unable to escalate with a woman you find attractive. Get used to that, and work on fixing it from square one.

Go through the newbie exercises. Go to the mall and just ask 20 girls for the time, and move on. Then have 20 short non-sexual conversations, then eject and move on. Start slowly building up confidence by succeed in small ways instead of failing in big ways. Give yourself minor goals that don't require #closing, such as walking up to a girl at a bar and delivering an opener.

Right now your problem is that you have the pressure of the ENTIRE interaction right at the open. Things like if you are going to sleep with the girl, if you are going to freeze up, if you are going to have success in your life, if you have a fucked up brain, if you are going to be alone forever, all that shit. You need to learn to JUST have a conversation and that be it.

fuck her that night easily even tho being less attractive than me and not knowing shit about all these pickup material.

Lose the ego, you aren't shit (yet) You obviously aren't more attractive and knowledgeable than those guys, so lose the fucking attitude. No one just goes from AFC to pua because they read some fucking books, it takes time in the field.

Start from square one... if you can't accept that you'll always be in your head wondering why you aren't as successful as you think you are.

2012-04-02T15:19:55+00:00

maybe you should start approaching girls and talking to people.

BudapestPUA · 2012-04-02T15:41:55+00:00

Stop reading shit on the internet, srsly.

Start being in the moment, your brain is freezing up because it's trying to reference and apply material when things happen, but this is a mistake. Just act.

Some girl touches you while you're dancing, spin that bitch, or just do anything that isn't nothing. Focus on being in the moment.

blahm3 · 2012-04-02T15:34:03+00:00

I also have a friend who is way less attractive than me and gets hit on by girls ALL THE TIME and having sex with them while he pretty much does nothing. This also confuses me A LOT.

That is because getting laid is far more simple than you think. You are over thinking things which is paralyzing your ability to act.

You need to go out and meet girls and talk them. Just have basic bullshit conversations. Don't worry about DHVs and all that other bullshit.

I know you have already read a lot but I would def recommend '60 years of challenge' which is a 'less is more' kind of system and works particularly well with good looking guys.

Manhack · 2012-04-02T16:31:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TurningItIntoASnake · 2012-04-02T16:45:02+00:00

I think your mind is so consumed in pickup/seduction material that it's breeding over-analytical paralysis in you.

I think the best thing you can do is take a step back. Take a deep breath, and relax. I've been in a similar boat recently, and the best thing I've done is essentially toss all of this stuff, which has been at the forefront of my mind and my motivations, onto the back-burner.

Stop putting insurmountable amounts of pressure on all these things and realize what you want to achieve isn't rocket science. Lately my approaches have literally just been me being myself and having a good time with a bit more "oomph" than normal. There's still tweaking I'm working on, but I'm not constantly worrying about conversation threading, rejection, etc.

It's all about fluidity, and feeling the flow of the situation and riding the right vibes with the girl. The more approaches I do, the more I'm slowly starting to realize how detrimental the overanalyzing factual interpretations are, and how valuable feeling and riding out the situation is.

In terms of your personal motivation, I think abstaining from porn and masturbation will help you naturally gain that back up. If you're just not feeling motivated to do anything in general, or your ego is giving you the self-defeating mentalities, you're at least aware of it, but it's probably something a bit deeper.

Do realize though, that you need to be getting your feet wet, Even if you just do it for your own source of entertainment, and not necessarily to get the girl. Just let go and have fun. You only have one chance at life, and with every missed opportunity, the only thing that held you back was as trivial as a non-existent thought in your head. You'll always be your own worst enemy if you let yourself be. Fight back!

IV-65536 · 2012-04-02T16:58:02+00:00

Do you want to be with girls, or do you want females to confirm your belief of "if I study, I can change my behaviors to something that people accept"?

Also you have to remember that you can't get every girl to like you. It sounds like you think that because you have this goldmine of information, you have every chess position calculated. But it's not like that, if a girl doesn't like you, she doesn't like you.

Though sometimes, I wonder if there's stuff I could improve about myself, or if I even need to improve anything.

2012-04-02T19:44:01+00:00

The only thing wrong with you is the belief that you need to get laid. You don't need it. You're coming out of a LTR. Forget about chicks for, like, a week dude. Regain your sanity before jumping back into the fray.

thunder_funk · 2012-04-02T21:55:07+00:00

You've got goals, but I don't think they're effective. You're off to the right start, anyway: I'd start by looking inward.

Why do you want to fuck 10 chicks? Every guy thinks the numbers matter. This seems pretty arbirary. What if number 6 knocks your socks off and you spend 3 great months together?

Why do you want to be able to attract the most attractive females? Nobody builds Rome in a day. You don't have to set the bar low, but if you're having trouble talking to /regular chicks/, start small and work your way up. Go out, have a great time, and talk to some chicks while you're at it.

Why do you want to be in the frame of your classically "good looking guy who gets chicks?"

I'd suggest a reframe here: what does the good looking guy who gets chicks look like? What does he act like? Why is he hanging out with these chicks? What does he do for a living? Its 10 times easier to /be the good looking guy who gets chicks/ when you act like that ideal self and realize that you're that guy.

And a final point about reading PUA material: a Matrix quote comes to mind. "There's a huge difference between knowing the path and walking the path." At least of 50% of what you've read won't work for you, because people approach shit from many different perspectives. The Mystery Method will get you a club chick, but if you're hitting on a librarian, you're way better off thinking like Juggler would.

IAmTheOmNom · 2012-04-02T21:57:25+00:00

You shouldn't confuse yourself, just because some thing work and others don't. So you're good at being alpha. great! So you suck at overcoming your AA. WORK on it!

Also I don't think you really understand what inner game means, because feeling awful and confused and having good inner game at the same time just doesn't compute. Inner game is always there with you, it doesn't just appear or disappear on a whim!

Even when everything is going wrong, even when you are alone in a corner, weeping, even when all your friends leave you. You will still feel that burning antimatter inside of you that could break out any moment. That is inner game!

katuni08 · 2012-04-03T03:52:32+00:00

Why has nobody mentioned that the "fuck at least 10 different chicks in this year" goal in itself is a bad idea? You want a serious girlfriend, so how is sleeping with a lot of women going to help? Women aren't objects, they're delicate creatures that need care and attention. If you want "fuck buddies," aim for fuck buddies. If you want a serious relationship, aim for that. You can't have both at the same time. As a general rule, "easy" girls don't make very good girlfriends.

HolePunch66 · 2012-04-02T15:19:33+00:00

First, stop the internal dialogue. That's what hyper-caffeinated white chicks do constantly.

2012-04-03T00:49:24+00:00

Same here OP. I've only been reading material for half a year and I already feel that (at times) its done more harm than good. I don't practice enough, but my ego thinks "I know so much already, it wouldn't make sense to fail!".

*I've always enjoyed playing games without a strategy guide rather than with one.

mooseontheotherhand · 2012-04-03T03:52:38+00:00

I just want to tell you that you have it so good, and once you calm down and start living your life, you will be fine. In my short time learning game, my lowest period was a time when I would spend all my spare moments reading seduction material on the internet. The problem was I became focused on how far away I was from my goals, felt jealous of all the skills and wherewithal puas seem to have, and so every time I failed to approach, go out, get a number, etc, I beat myself up about it (constantly).

That mindset is self-defeating, but you can change this mindset. There are several ways to do that - what I did was make a conscious decision to value my personal happiness over everything else. At first this involved taking a break from all PUA material, focusing on hobbies and friends. I've then slowly challenged myself to push myself further along (talking to random girls, asking for numbers, not feeling awkward or embarrassed when trying something new, etc).

As for your edit3, I totally get that and have struggled with it too. I would say resolve yourself to stay single for a time period so you can practice finding happiness independent of others. The best girlfriend I ever had one one that I began dating when I was against getting in a relationship. The worst girlfriend I've had was the one I was desperate for.

2012-04-03T19:39:49+00:00

Stop thinking, your right you don know shit

Here's the tl;dr : go out and approach till its easy, that's it. Just keep at it. Forget seddit you overloaded yourself with material and theory that is 100% useless without real experience. So GO OUT

Title	Utterly fucking confused, I think pickup materials destroyed my brain. Need expert advice, very tl;dr.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	20
Comments	32
Date	April 2, 2012 2:47 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/rpjyf/utterly_fucking_confused_i_think_pickup_materials/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/utterly-fucking-confused-i-think-pickup-materials.1330770 https://theredarchive.com/post/1330770

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