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hazalo9 Archive

View 2 posts and 214 comments by hazalo9 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

The "Kids First" Fallacy: Her statement that the marriage is not a priority is the biggest danger here. She needs to understand that the best thing for those boys is a home with parents who love and respect each other. If the foundation (the marriage) cracks, the house (the kids' stability) falls. Stop with the "Facts": You mentioned giving her "factual feedback." Stop doing that. When a spouse is emotional, hitting them with logic feels like a lawyer making a case, not a husband trying to conne…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 07:04 PM
4

Why do you want to file to dismiss the protective order? Most likely it won't go thru cause no judge would risk anything happening to her. Hopefully you didn't try to explain what happened to the police or anyone, without your attorney present. Focus on getting them charges reduced or dropped. DM me for details.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 09:47 PM
8

Sexting is what you caught, there is more stuff you haven't. Move on cause if you forgive, you will never be at peace. Once trust is lost there is no getting it back.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 04:55 PM
3

I just take the "I don't give a fuck road". She gets mad cause I'm 5 minutes late, IDGAF. That she is dating someone else, IDGAF. She wants to call me to discuss the relationship, that train has already left. IDGAF. She took way more than half of my assets, IDGAF. I'm not rude or talk in a negative way. I just had to learn how to control my emotions and this has given me peace and a clear head.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 05:21 PM
19

My ex left the house and rented a new apartment but she found it was really hard. She started messaging me about how she misses me. We have 3 kids so I accepted her back, BIG MISTAKE! All the wanting to be divorced feelings came back in a couple of weeks. It was the worst time of my life. This is very common among women. The grass is not always greener onto the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 09:31 PM
4

For anyone reading this... Don't get a female attorney! All attorneys "talk" professionally but in the end are human and feel emotions when handling your case. Don't risk your future, get a male attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 10:50 PM
2

Treat yourself like a king and you should be treated like one. Work on yourself, your finances and your family. Then one day someone will come along that fits in.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 05:08 PM
10

I think you're in the wrong sub. But FYI, every man that is your friend waits for that opportunity to sleep with you. Men can have sex with anyone but not anyone can be a man's partner. Just ignore him now and have him come to you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 04:05 PM
3

Moving out can be considered abandoning your child. You can't be trusted with 50% custody if you leave him. Verbal agreements are not binding. Don't act out any deals until it's signed off by a judge. Try to find an out of court mediator if you are in agreement of most issues to save big money.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 11:11 PM
11

She is playing the victim card and "feels" you are at fault for her unhappiness. They all do this when they are looking for someone to blame instead of taking accountability for, and working on their own feelings. Hopefully she can go to a therapist to help her deal with her discontent. But even that sometimes works against the family cause therapists nowadays encourage the "me and my feeling only" approach. Good luck bro
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 09:13 PM
3

Sofi. Connect all your accounts to it and it tracks net worth. It's also good for checking, savings and investment accounts. I have Chase for any major withdrawals.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 07:37 PM
7

It's not about quantity, it's about quality. I get her every other weekend and I spend every minute with her and doing fun things. I know my daughter more now cause I don't have the stress of dealing with the ex. It's the way it is and some of us just got to play the best hand we were dealt.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 05:33 AM
5

Is different for everyone. There is a study that says it's one month for every year, which is about long it took me. There are things you can do to speed it up : 1. Let it out. Cry in private when you have to. 2. Limit contact with her. 3. Focus on yourself, growth and self improvement will keep you busy and help regain the confidence.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 06:51 PM
2

If you both can come to an agreement, an out of court mediator may help to save you both money. You can't mess with child support but it will help to have 50/50 custody. There are online government calculators to get an idea. Because of her seeing someone else she may want to do the divorce quickly and may even be willing to not fight for alimony. Take advantage of the situation. You will make it work financially, it just takes some getting used to.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 02:33 PM
5

Gold is at an all-time high, so I decided to sell mine for scrap and treat myself to something worthwhile. It made more sense to me than just throwing it away it for sentimental reasons. But hey, everyone handles things differently—I'm glad to hear you've found your own way forward
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 11:50 PM
10

Bravo for realizing the relationship is over and starting to accept it. Marriage counseling is a sign the marriage wasn't going to last much longer. Many men need to realize the faster you accept it's over, the faster on your way to happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 01:33 AM
11

Don't do it! I tried to reconcile after 8 months in divorce. Then all them divorce feelings came back one day, things even got worse. This time I filed cause I was done with games. All that lost time and money hurts. Set a goal to reconcile only after you are divorced. Good luck bro.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 05:00 PM
8

You got into the rhythm of living the single life and now are enjoying your freedom. I had to break up with my girlfriend cause she wanted to hang out every weekend and talk or text almost everyday, which is normal in a serious relationship. I just couldn't do it. There may also be some past relationship trauma that you still have to process. You may need more time until you are ready for commitment, just be truthful with her and it may work out later. Good luck bro.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 11:35 AM
1

It’s incredible how many stories shared here mirror my own also. Hearing others’ experiences has truly helped me navigate the tough times. One of the best things we can do is come back and support those who are just beginning their journey. Stay strong, brothers — we’re in this together.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 08:26 PM
9

Hell the fuck no. I did it once and led to weird feelings all over for everyone especially her. One minute cool, the next crazy AF. Like a dog that got smacked with a newspaper, I keep away from that food now. I can eat as good somewhere else. I was the good one in bed anyways and she knows it. She still sometimes tries to be too nice but I don't have a desire for her. Move on Bros.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 03:28 PM
11

It absolutely does work. I have 2 children with her and grey rock is the way to go. And for anyone that says that it is hard... The focus should be on you being stoic and focused within yourself. Thinking about "not talking to her", IS thinking about her. Work on yourself and stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 04:44 PM
1

Where the judge reviews and signs off on all financial settlement agreements and the parenting plan.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 11:42 AM
4

Paying all that fucking money to attorneys. We had decided to use an out of court mediator, but on the day of starting it she didn't go. A friend and Tiktok convinced her she deserved more. I was willing to just leave all as is. She kept everything in the home, the better car, didn't take any of the credit card debt. I just wanted out asap to save time and $$$. 20 months later and $28,000 between the both of us, she calls saying we should leave it all as is and want to be friends. Like WTF man! …
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 11:32 PM
3

" her mom mentioned that was recently divorced and might need some time to heal. And maybe that's true, but I do feel ready to move forward." You are not ready bro. You want to move forward by using her to help you do it, and that's not right. Work on yourself without anyone involved or you will never truly heal. Good luck and do the right thing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 04:39 PM
2

NO CONTACT - Get your life used to not having her in it. Fill your schedule with things to do and let it out whenever you need to. It takes time and discipline, you will eventually realize one day you are over her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 06:45 PM
3

Women like to keep you in their lives this way. In order to get used to not having her in your life, you have to keep contact at the most minimum. Setup a schedule of when texts are acceptable. Unless it's an emergency it should be once a week for the children. Set your boundaries needed for you to move on. Time will heal you faster this way.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 01:18 AM
11

I don’t regret any of it. It was a meaningful learning experience, and I’ve grown because of it. I choose to hold onto the good moments and take pride in the fact that I made an effort to hold things together, rather than acting out of selfishness and causing more harm to the children.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 09:57 AM
2

This is exactly what I recommend. Hits most muscle groups in less time. I finish off other small exercises like delts, biceps and a mile run with the extra time after. ON Creatine and protein for that extra push help also.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 12:10 PM
12

Yup. They don't know how to handle it amicably so they invent a hatred and blame you for everything. Just get to the point where you realize it's not your problem anymore and you don't care what she thinks. It will be uncomfortable living with her that way but you have no other option. Make the best of it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 11:39 PM
5

Continue to talk to as many attorneys as you can. Try to talk to her and give her a better lump sum. Hopefully you can keep attorneys out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 02:00 PM
1

It doesn't get better in a straight line. You ratio into it, the first month you may be sad 31 out of days 31. The next 28/31, the next 26/31. You will get to a point where you don't even. Price it anymore. It's harder to get over it if you continue to talk to her. Best is to go all out, no contact or grey rock, or you will be recovering there longer. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 05:54 PM
3

Many here have gone through this. Listen to the advice posted here. All I have to add, the grass always seems greener on the other side for them. Later things will change. In the meantime work on your mental strength and take care of your finances. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 01:28 PM
5

Now divorced I see how many married men are treated and what is expected of them. Most take it to not disrupt the family setting. I can't do that again, being alone with a girlfriend is the best decision that happened. I can do anything without guilt.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 12:20 PM
1

We are all here to hear each other and heal. Your happiness should not depend on someone else. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 12:58 AM
3

😂
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 10:03 PM
7

Maybe about two years. My daughter says they have been having issues after 1 though.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 10:03 PM
10

REGRET IS A FORM OF PUNISHMENT ITSELF. What ever happened is a learning experience. Don't beat yourself up for it, be better in every aspect.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 04:46 PM
1

This is why I'm holding back from telling anyone I'm seeing someone. I'm waiting for the divorce to finalize. I just want to get it over as amicably as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 03:55 PM
2

It's draining but it's a good thing you are realizing you need to move forward independently. Take care of yourself mentally and trust your instincts. Start preparing financially cause this is the burden most men have a hard time with. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 08:21 PM
17

And gay men have the lowest rate of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 02:39 PM
6

It hurts, but you can't change what she does. You can only control what you think, and you have to stop caring. The opposite of love is indifference. Don't care about it, learn how to ignore it. Like all things, it just takes practice.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 05:09 PM
15

"LIKES" are like cocaine to them. Women care what people think about them socially and by posting she is happy and people pushing "like" on the pics will make her feel justified for doing what she did. Remember, you have to get to the point of indifference. Who gives a fuck what she does? You do you and happiness will come easily. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 05:06 PM
4

Therapists wouldn't have a job if they fixed you right away. Many times they just have you talk and recommend to continue. My ex is still seeing a therapist after 3 years and still hasn't "found herself". My female therapist never understood me in the 3 months we met. Got a male and he helped me way more. Lately I have been using AI to help me out and it's awesome and to the point.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 06:53 PM
2

I agree. I would write about my day or draft a letter to my ex and my kids. Later I read it and realized how I didn't feel that way and helped to see how improved I've gotten.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 10:11 PM
4

It's natural to replay everything and wonder what you could have done especially with what you know now, don't feel guilty But what the counselor shared offers a different perspective, one that acknowledges your efforts and highlights a problem in the relationship that wasn't only your fault. It's okay to still grieve the future you envisioned and the love you shared. Those feelings are real and valid. And it's also okay to feel a sense of relief and clarity now you can be more at peace with you…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 02:46 PM
7

Listen to what you just said: She cheated on you and you feel like you let her down. You're beating yourself up twice there! Cheating is not your fault! Take a breather and talk to your attorney about your financial options. I know how it feels to be down but you have to mentally be strong more than ever now especially for your little girls. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 05:12 PM
2

It's completely understandable to feel intense pain and loneliness missing your boys, especially during this separation and holiday break; acknowledge that this feeling is valid but temporary. Combat low motivation and urges by forcing small actions even when you don't feel like it, being direct with your therapist about these specific struggles, and having immediate distraction plans ready for when urges hit. Focus on planning something simple for their return and try to connect briefly via cal…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 02:00 AM
9

I'm glad the Grey Rock approach is providing some stability for you right now. Dealing with a breakdown of loyalty and respect is tough, as those are often core needs in any connection. It's completely understandable that rebuilding trust feels uncertain. Keep prioritizing your own healing journey; stay with what you're doing until you feel whole again. Down the road, if and when you feel ready, you might consider if a friendship is viable, but focus on yourself first. Good luck bro!!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 11:48 AM
5

Many here have been there and feel you. Listen to the advice you hear here cause it will help you get from point "A" to point "B" faster. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance will be the stages you will go thru, search it up and learn. YouTube and podcast help also. The advice I can give is to grey rock, cry when you have to and start getting your finances in check cause this will be the biggest pressure coming up. Good luck and hope it goes well!
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 05:59 PM
12

Talk to your attorney, I suggest we don't give you advice on such a delicate subject as this. One thing I can give you advice on, is to quit talking to her sister or anyone that you may think might give your X any communication that may be used against you. It seems your interaction with the sister is negative and it's time to start cutting those people out of your life. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 11:09 PM
6

This is a major decision in all 4 of your lives. Try to find out why you are feeling unhappy. Start seeing a male therapist that would help you understand. Just be clear on if you want to continue the relationship. Hopefully it can be fixed for the sake of your children. Work on yourself before you risk doing something you can't take back. It may be you both need a little help. Good luck and hope it all goes well bro!
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 04:59 PM
3

You got a similar response from many that have been through the same situation. Listen to them. I'll just say, start looking into your finances. Take as much as you can now cause the $ will rack up. Don't be a nice guy anymore and try to have an out of court mediator do the paperwork. Attorneys will only want to suck up both of your cash. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 05:47 PM
4

This is exactly what's happening. They are all her friends and she is now the "victim" to them. He just gotta grey rock the x and watch out for any false DV claims.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 08:16 PM
5

If she can't respect you, she cannot love you. Marriage has to be agreed by both to make it work. She made a decision a while ago and has now just started acting on it and it will get worse if you try to keep it going. Don't beg or ask her to cause it will push her away more. Stop with the drama and stay stoic. Start planning your finances and file first when you realize it's done. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 12:26 PM
2

I've sent this also. It's very possible, the separation helps work oneself. Marriage consulting doesn't help cause you can't focus time on knowing yourself. That's why it's best to separate before the situation gets worse.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 07:48 PM
6

I've been through this! She is thinking of how you had the courage to do it, now she will build it up. You know those fights and contempt that you both had in the past, it's about to get much worse from her and will become insufferable. If you feel you want to get divorced, choose that. Your kids will be better with you both separated than them seeing negative emotions. Start planning your finances and what you want from your marriage. Hopefully you can have an out of court mediator to facilitat…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 06:52 PM
5

It happens to many of us, happened to me after 7 months separated and I canceled the divorce only to file again 4 months later. Lost time and money. You live, you learn. Now you know what to do and decisions to take. Good luck bro and thanks for sharing!
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 09:31 PM
9

I had a hard time for about a year. I would see her about once a week and would talk about the kids and assets. But every time after I would feel really bad after, like if my progress was reset. Then I heard about NO CONTACT in this sub. I tried it for about three months, it was hard but that's when I really advanced. I kept it going for about a year. Now I talk to her but I don't feel anything. The tables have turned, she looks for me for advice and to talk. I'm cool and follow along but I have…
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 05:10 AM
2

This is the best advice. Give her what she wants and beat her to the punch on everything.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 04:43 AM
10

Yes. She asked for a divorce in Jan 2022, she moved out to find herself in March. Said she missed me and I agreed for her to move back in Sept. Then by Dec it all came back and hell broke loose. She started being very aggressive and yelling more. Once they have it in their heads, their mind is made up, it's just a matter of their financial and emotional execution to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 11:15 AM
26

"Comparison is the thief of joy" Once they start scrolling on social media and their algorithm gives them content that other women are doing better, then they feel they haven't received what they deserve and start holding resentment. Then they bring up the past or make up problems and never take accountability for their actions even if they are in the wrong. There are some relationships that I understand initiating divorce like violence, cheating or whatnot. But I've met some really good guys an…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 09:12 PM
7

I feel what you going through. Look, the only way I've seen guys get the girl back is to go all or nothing. If you're at their disposition and they know you are trying to get back it pushes them away more. They respect a man that respects himself. For now find your footing and start moving on asap, if she gets back with you, good. If she doesn't, at least you started the process without waiting or suffering as much. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 02:33 AM
6

Great write up! I'm going to 2 years. One thing to note is there are things that will speed up the process and others that hold you back. I was stuck in the first part for about a year. The reason being was that I continued to talk to her and wanting her approval. I came across a post here that NO CONTACT was helpful so I tried it, it helped immensely. Just listen to what others do here and you will be good, we're help to help each other out. Good Luck Bros!!!
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 10:10 PM
3

Just watched Marriage Story on Netflix, that's another good one. I'll check out Kramer vs Kramer.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 01:15 PM
2

This is a great idea! I'd love to see what they say there.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 05:45 PM
4

Stop seeing yourself like you think she does. Have confidence even at your worst. You are defeating your own self by thinking this. If a woman loves you she wouldn't care how you look. Pick yourself up and get back in the house. Give her the divorce she wants and make it fast. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 06:16 AM
10

Attorneys want the TPO so you can't discuss settlement with her. The more you both fight the more $$$ they make of this. Offer her to settle for half of everything and go to and out of the court mediator. Be cool and don't let cheating she did show your emotions. You shouldn't have sent this to her family yet, you got emotional and made a mistake. The way it's looking now, you are in for a long divorce. Stay stoic and good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 03:16 PM
2

Go NO CONTACT or GREY ROCK. It's like going cold turkey, very hard at first but you will get used to not having her in your life. If you talk to her it makes it difficult to get over it. Get your power back and you wont believe how you pulled yourself out of it. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 05:29 PM
6

The opposite of anger is indifference, try to get to feeling nothing. It may be best for you to stop all communications with her, just stop responding. If she continues, talk to her you think what's best. My ex is with her AP and one day that I picked up my kid he was out there. I was doing good then it reminded me of the pain it caused the family. I decided to stop talking to her and start meeting at the original agreed place at a park. She didn't like it but I don't care. Take care of yourself…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/25 12:56 PM
2

Learn to do social things like dancing or some fitness group like running. Then put that description and pictures on your profile.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 12:49 PM
10

No. They are trying to use him for validation.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 12:46 PM
5

You are very emotional right now, but start putting money away and stop thinking she cares like before or is your friend. NO ONE WILL COME TO SAVE YOU, so think logically on how you will pull out of this. Start NO CONTACT as soon as possible so you get used to not being with her. We have all been there and feel you. If you have to cry go ahead and let it out privately and as much as you can, then get up like nothing happened. Just so zombie life for a few months and it will get better. Also, I h…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 09:37 PM
2

Thanks for posting this, some of us are still going through the process and need all the motivation. The advice that hits me the most is "stopped chasing new relationships". The way to happiness is not finding it in another person, but within yourself. I'm happy for you and striving to be where you are at one day. Good luck on your journeys!
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 12:25 AM
10

You have the advantage right now and she knows it. She feels sorry for now but she will want to turn the tables later. File a report and get a divorce. Once there is physical violence or cheating in a marriage it is over, you will enter the honey soon phase for a while but later resentment will set in. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 09:42 PM
1

I work in Quality Assurance and am on my computer most of the time. When I was married I would get home and just relax. But these attorney bills started piling up and it was digging into my savings. So I started using the computer to find things to sell, also learned other skills. Find things to flip, it keeps income off the books so you keep all the profits. You can flip gold, cars, houses. Get used to being active and just don't stop moving. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 12:51 PM
5

I'm 47. I have more experience than ever and it has helped me move on and secure my future more, just gotta hustle at all times. We have no choice and no one will come and save us. Don't give up on yourself. Keep your head up and good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 05:33 PM
3

I agree. If my girl was cheating on me I would certainly like to know. The truth will set you free!
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 04:24 PM
0

It's felt fucking good to go talk to the AP's wife in my situation. Before that, I was eating up the guilt and pain cause I was contributing to their disgusting acts and secrecy. Let the AP wife to keep it confidential and you will keep in contact with her in case they do it again. Just file for divorce first and go in with concrete evidence. Judge will say she was working before the filing she can get another job and look at it like she quit for alimony. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 04:23 PM
11

Why are you talking to her about this stuff? Of course it's gonna hurt. You gotta move on and completely stop communicating these things to her, better yet. Go NO CONTACT. They know it hurts. Find self respect and don't put yourself in situations like this. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 03:43 PM
3

BE COMFORTABLE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE. You have to get to the point where you learn to be alone with yourself. This will help you choose a better person when you are ready. Also if you decide to start dating while together, do not let her know. Women get jealous for this even if you are not together and you don't want to rock the divorce going thru. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 01:05 PM
1

This happened to me. This isn't about your marriage, it's about you. You have reached the top and proved to yourself of what you always thought of doing. But what now? Start looking at how you will live from 40-60 and the legacy you will leave. Just don't blame your family for it. I lost mine cause I didn't understand this. Pull it together and find new goals with your wife and talk to her about it. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 01:48 AM
2

Bro, make a decision and stick by it. You are making decisions based on her emotional decisions. This has led you to where you are now and the children are suffering for it. If you continue to do this it will only get worse. This happened to me. She filed after a year of not getting along then I counter filed. We got back together after 6 months cause we "made up". Then after about 3 months the issues came back up and she started threatening with divorce. I made a decision and filed, I didn't wa…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 08:39 PM
5

She knows it hurts you. Next time she says this tell her that's a good idea and that way you can go with your friends or whatever she didn't like you did when you were married. She will manipulate the opposite and will want to send him to you. Don't ever show or say that you love being with him and that it makes you happy cause they will try and ruin it. The one that doesn't give a fuck is the one that controls the situation. Stay strong and good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 02:00 AM
11

With that kind of money you can consult an attorney to guide you the best way possible and seek the best option that works with your local laws. Last I knew tho was that inheritance doesn't account into marriage assets. Good luck and congrats. You are way better off than many of us here.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 01:21 AM
8

Many men believe that by conceding to the wives demands (in these types of situations) we will have our needs met, when in reality it is the opposite. She has already moved on and is using you to make it easier and you are falling for it. Once she finds someone else she will dump you and you will be in more pain than you are in now. It's ALL or NOTHING. This is not what you want, be assertive and respect your own needs. If she doesn't agree it is clearly over, it takes 2 to sustain a relationshi…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 04:35 PM
5

What's up with these therapists. This past week a couple of friends wives hit them with divorce after seeing therapists. I believe many aren't qualified to give life changing advice. There are other factors, like our children, that they don't take into account.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 03:40 PM
3

To forget someone you need to not have interaction with them for a while. I had a hard time, so I went No Contact for 6 months. The first 3 months were tough but got better as time went by. Now, a year later, I don't really care about the feeling I had for her. I talk to her as I would anyone. You don't have children with her so why have her in your life? Work on your mental health by moving on. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 12:51 AM
3

This happened to me. She does it to make it hurt, and by you saying you want to talk about it shows it does. Don't give her that. Fight back by showing your son you are the best father in the world. Sleep overs, favorite snacks, tickles, bubble baths, new toys and spend time playing with it. Tell him you love him and he will realize you are the #1 dad. You only have to prove it to him, not the ex. I was kept from my daughter for 8 months and she used to call him papa. I tried taking the higher r…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 02:38 AM
2

If possible, this is good advice. In the meantime start moving assets to benefit you when the divorce comes up. Just check local laws to make sure it doesn't backfire
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 02:22 AM
3

It all depends on your situation. Is she a SAHM? Do you own property or assets? Can you and do you want to keep 50% custody of your children? The best way to go is an out of court mediator. It saves $, but you would both have to be in agreement on what you both believe you are entitled to beforehand. If this doesn't work out you will have to obtain an attorney, this is where the big $$$ will be lost. Hope you can talk to her and start going through the list. Also, get with her to keep it under w…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 02:20 AM
2

Having our kids alienated from us is the exact reason I say we are afraid of being alone. We wouldn't be able to be with them and no one to care about.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 02:03 AM
10

This is the way. Many guys are really just scared and don't know how to be alone. We already gave up the single life had the rest of life planned for the family. The best way to move on is accepting the divorce as soon as possible, and most times going No Contact works on the emotional side. Good for you bro!
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 04:20 PM
5

I feel the same way. Dated but I can't get into it, I don't feel anything and don't care about them enough. I just decided to work on other aspects of life, like financial and time with my children. I've heard on this sub to just give it time, the past advice I took from here was correct so I'll just listen and forget about another person for now. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 03:06 AM
1

It's easy to feel that way but emotional decisions are not the way to go. Making the situation worse will shine the bad spotlight on you when it's already on them. A police report and talking to the attorney is the way to go.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 02:59 AM
5

A police report is the way to go. Need to document the dangerous living conditions your ex is exposing your children to.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 02:58 AM
2

This was answered in the context that if one of the two parties doesn't want to live together, this person should take the initiative to leave. In your case your husband, who requested the divorce, didn't request for you to leave. But you want him to leave, so it should be you the one leaving if it frustrates you living together.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 02:53 AM
6

It gets harder. I'll save you some time on this. Get used to not having her in your life. Grey Rock or No Contact until you get to the point you don't care anymore. I was stuck for a year in that pain until I came across this sub, went No Contact and doing great now! Get to the point where you don't care what she does as soon as possible so you can continue a happy life. Good Luck Bro!
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 03:44 AM
4

Don't kid yourself, you're not happy for her. You're just trying to make the best of the situation by saying you are. You have to start taking care of the negative emotions before moving up. It's ok to feel sad, just find the way to understand the situation and learn to process them feelings. It helped me to stop talking to her for a while before I started getting better. Now I don't really care what she does. Take care of yourself and good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 03:35 AM
12

You have to stop caring what she thinks and don't let her control your emotions. Be Stoic when you interact with her. I cut my X off and did No Contact cause her attitude made me feel like shit. A year later we talk, and she tries to be my "friend", but I don't really care for it anymore. Show it to yourself others cannot change your mood no matter what they say or do. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 06:23 PM
6

IF SHE DOESN'T RESPECT YOU, SHE CANNOT LOVE YOU. You need to find your self respect first though. I've been there. When I separated, two years ago exactly, I didn't know how I'd move on. I wasn't used to being without her so I went full NO CONTACT. At first it was tough but you get used to it. She never thought I'd do it and now looks at me with respect. Do what you gotta do to take care of yourself and you will find that happiness you seek. To quote MIB: Hey! Is it worth it? Oh yeah, it's worth…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 02:06 AM
3

You have to move on. Set up a camera for your protection and record every interaction. Then call the police for protection for your daughter and yourself. If it gets too violent she will call, and you will be in the slammer for a night accused of DV. Play it smart and good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 10:30 PM
4

It's sucks. I negotiated to see them every Wednesday for dinner. That way I don't go too much time without seeing them. Maybe you can do something similar.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 01:08 AM
8

I feel the same way and have been thinking about this recently. Have been separated for 2 years and divorcing one. It's the dopamine of enjoying family life. I miss the nice home, food smell and kids welcoming me home after work, sharing and hearing about our days with the ex. I was proud of working for the family, now it's not the same. I don't know what the future holds but hopefully i can find it again. For now I'm working to achieve financial stability and see what happens. Good luck bro!!!
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 12:57 AM
2

Don't give a fuck, we don't need anyone to make us happy. Just learn to be alone and your confidence will grow.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 11:55 PM
4

Find your worthiness and stop fucking with her. She does not respect you because even after you know she is with other guys, she knows you are weak and you are still there after her and view you in a pathetic way. Even worse, you are at the back of the line while others try to conquer her, I mean why should she put you before them if she knows she has you? I've been in your shoes and know it's hard to pull out of it emotionally. But the moment I started going Grey Rock, I started to learn to be …
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 11:42 PM
5

You gotta stop all contact with her bro. Once you do it for a few months, I guarantee it will get better. Having contact with her is like window shopping for something impossible to afford. Just keep walking and you'll forget about it. Go No Contact or Grey Rock or you will be stuck in that emotional purgatory for more than you have to. You're better than this and if you don't feel it, fake it till you make it. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 01:21 PM
6

Men get more experienced as we age, this is huge. Learn how to make money on the side so you're not hurting financially. You should also get better at handling women and any interactions. Women's bigger assets are youth and beauty, both decrease as they age. Time is on your side. Get stronger and better cause there are millions of women out there and one has to be better than her, you just have to be prepared. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 12:49 PM
11

I've seen many posts with very good advice here. Follow them all. One thing I'd like to mention is: Keep the Proof if you have any! Women will want to play the victim, they will deny and justify what they have done. The proof may not benefit you legally. But socially she will try to turn everyone against you. Always tell everyone the truth because I'm sure she would have done that herself. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 11:31 PM
16

If I could go back in time to where you are at, I would try to get the divorce as quick as possible right now that she has love brain fog. If she loses that it will be a nightmare, try to do things amicably. The marriage is over and nothing will bring back the trust you had with her, start over. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 10:22 PM
2

Yes!!! And transfer everything out before she does. She will get pissed but you have to look out for yourself now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 10:19 PM
1

Is there a restriction order in place? Play it smart, ask for forgiveness or do whatever it takes so she can drop that shit if not it will cost you big $$$. Women are very emotional so use that to your advantage. If she does drop it protect yourself with 2/4/7 video evidence and stop talking to her. Go grey rock or no contact. You don't need that shit haunting and stressing you for the rest of your life. Stay cool and be smart. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 03:21 PM
7

You being in the home is a negotiating chip you have. She wants to make her life but at the cost of yours. Play every single card you have to get a better deal for yourself but most importantly for your children's relationship. You can't help them if you don't help yourself first. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 11:03 AM
2

This happened to my ex, she made friends with someone from church having marriage issues. I didn't want to be that guy that stops anyone from talking to others but let it be. Then her friend got divorced, my ex started acting differently after about 6 months. They are currently "bff's" now but both are having a hard time getting on their feet. They influence, dare and support each other even if the children are affected. Be careful who your wives talk to.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 06:36 PM
3

Cause it's an emotional decision and people are willing to pay it so attorneys can "protect" you. In the end the laws are confusing and one could up losing big if you go at it solo. The best option to save time and money is to find an out of court mediator, but it's not too common cause of the emotional situation.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 09:05 PM
13

You gotta quit talking to her man. I had the same problem but knew it wasn't good for me. Do no contact with her, fight that urge to need anyone and move on. Learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Stay strong bro!
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 02:49 PM
2

It's not an issue if you both have boundaries and rules so it doesn't turn bad. It seems you both are mature and could make something like this work. All power to you both for putting your children first. Good luck and hope it works out for you!
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 02:03 PM
7

Marriage is just a legal document that states your assets will be shared. It's literally a contract and if you are the breadwinner, alimony and keeping your home you worked for will be a nightmare. Would you sign a contract with someone with a 50% risk of failure and if you do fail you lose at least 50% of assets plus paying them alimony checks from your paycheck every week? This is my point of view and just telling you the risks cause I've been through it. Think hard about it and make the decis…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 04:27 PM
4

If you don't receive love or emotion back, you are now only valuable for your income and work done around the home. play it cool and try to make it work all while preparing for a divorce. Put money away and start looking at the divorce laws in your state. You may make it work but don't get caught with your pants down. Failing to prepare is preparing to fail. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 11:46 AM
3

Depends but find a second source of income preferably cash. Cut grass, shovel snow, fix cars. You have to hustle to have extra money. Now you should have more time on your hands so this is doable. It will take time but also the best investment is in yourself and the peace of mind of not having to deal with another person. Treat and buy them things you always wanted and take time to enjoy that single life. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 03:01 PM
1

If you move out and leave her with the bills and child in her care it will look very bad to a judge and difficult to get 50/50. She will need income to cover costs cause you left and an emergency count will be held, The most likely outcome is the judge will look out for the child and will order you to cover it all. Get an attorney for advice before you do anything and get strong control of your emotions you have for the sake of the child.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 03:17 PM
1

She cheated, you may forgive but will never forget. Move on now before the relationship gets worse and you don't want your daughter to be exposed to a bad environment. (I have a daughter the same age) She told you clearly, she wants a divorce so give it to her. But also go a step further, No Contact her or Grey Rock, it will drive them nuts but the better outcome is that it will help you overcome that necessity of her being in your life. You will get over her and find someone that you can trust …
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 02:57 PM
7

What the hell... My x did something similar. Left me with nothing and I had to start my life without anything once. Then she tried it again years later, but I was prepared financially. I had accumulated debt and moved money in our accounts in a way she won't get in a divorce. She will do it again so the best advice I can give is to prepare and file for divorce. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 07:51 AM
-4

I agree with you but it seems to be an unpopular opinion around here 😂
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 10:24 PM
4

For me it was when in the morning before work we would be good and planning our next life goals. Then mid day she would text she was not feeling happy. I knew it was the beginning of a downward spiral and I started planning for my divorce. We were together for 25 years and I would have done anything to save the marriage but she didn't feel it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 01:57 PM
2

Congrats bro! It does get better and it's awesome you are feeling more optimistic. Make sure to come back and give tips to others that need guidance! Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 10:34 PM
1

Can't fix the broken trust. You can want to trust or love someone and try to, but it will always exist and never heal. Even if the partner does everything asked from the victim, they cannot ever trust them again.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 05:41 PM
4

I hear you. Everyone expects things from us. I trimmed the fat and cut off unnecessary contacts. Also started working out more, it helped a lot. You are doing good, stay strong and keep going. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 04:24 PM
6

I can give you some advice on this. You will never live life comfortably as long as you are with her. This type of trust cannot be repaired. My x and i tried it all but you will go back to the same feeling of distrust months later. It's just like a wheel that goes in circles: 1. Tension 2.incident 3.reconciliation 4.calm. this goes round and round. You have to stop it cause one day that wheel will break and it will get ugly. It feels good to not have my children see what their mother was doing a…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 03:54 PM
8

I have a 5 yo and we also have this issue. I get her the weekends though. If they are acting that way, it is because she is not putting in the effort to win them over and you are. I spend quality time with my daughter, play board games, watch TV alongside, read books, lie in bed before sleeping and talking to her. Her mom gives her a phone to play games while she spends time with her guy. Don't talk to your daughter about her relationship with her mother, that would be putting in the effort on y…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 06:00 PM
3

I read a post of yours that you are legally separated, are you in the legal process of divorcing? Women don't want to deal with the baggage of a divorcing relationship especially if not in the official process yet. But most importantly, you have to get a mindset that you don't care what they think. Focus on becoming stable and getting divorced then move on to the next steps. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 09:45 PM
2

Just heard this on Tulsa King a few days ago, it also hit me but not as bad cause it's going on to two years for me. Let yourself feel out your emotions in private. I used to cry like a little kid on my way from work cause I missed going home and instead to an empty apartment. You will eventually become immune. Also, find some jobs on the side that pay cash. I scrapped money and was flipping cars, then I flipped a couple of homes. No one is going to come and save you, so you have to do it yourse…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 09:48 AM
8

Been in your shoes. Don't play that friends game, she wants you told to hold her hand emotionally cause she hasn't been without you. You are her backup plan now and she will move on while you have hopes of her still being in your life. Counseling is compromising of actions in the relationship but it will not change her emotions. I was friends with my X and I couldn't stop thinking about "us", it caused pain every time. I had to go no contact, the first few months it was difficult but now I'm way…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 02:08 AM
5

My shit year was 2023. Just here to say, just keep working and making every decision stoically. I feel where you are at and just hang in there bro! We are all rooting for you!
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 04:24 PM
3

It's hard cause you become dependent on that person, but now you have to learn to be dependent on yourself. It's unbelievable what they become when they find someone else. I had a hard time also, I kept talking to her and it made me miss her even more. Then I read about NO CONTACT here and stopped looking for her, I stopped all communication with her for about a year. Eventually she started looking for me but I had already moved on. I still talk to her but it's amazing how I don't feel like befo…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 08:23 PM
2

Be comfortable being uncomfortable. View the unfavorable situation as a challenge and opportunity for learning and growth. Feel out the negative emotions privately. No contact. Get used to not being a married person. Find something that drives you. It be working out, finances, volunteering, making new friends, whatever but just keep your mind busy. When you conquer these challenges you will be proud and happy for yourself. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 01:19 PM
5

I tried to keep the family together too long. I tried it all, marriage counseling, dates, vacations, talking and being submissive. It would work for a while, but then it would all lead to the same discontent. Finally got fed up and decided not to pursue her anymore. I should have moved on years ago. Taking my time on finding a partner and spending quality time with my children.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 05:37 PM
5

Get back with her after you get divorced. If the relationship won't work and you can just separate without playing the divorcing game again. I tried getting back with my ex and it only lasted a month before them wanting to separate feelings came back to both of us. I had to refile again, lost 8 months of progress and money. I regret cancelling the divorce and putting my children through the trauma and confusion. Give yourself time and protect your children's emotions. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 01:09 AM
14

She wants to move on so she stopped having empathy for you. After many years together it will feel different cause you're not used to it. I had read here that the best way to beat that is to go no contact or gray rock. Once I started doing that she changed her tone and it made me stronger. Remember " the one that doesn't give a fuck is the one that control the relationship". Get used to not having her in your life, start immediately so you can move on faster. It's hard at first but worth it in t…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 12:44 PM
8

Good for you on seeing it as a business transaction now! Be proud that you gave and offered the best version of yourself, they will regret it later cause that's how they will remember you. Them asking for time apart is just a ruse to secure the other relationship. Men have to realize that they have to demand for "all or nothing" in the relationship when they request this. They are in or out. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 10:12 PM
7

It sucks but the only option is to look out for yourself now. Keep a good relationship with your kids and never talk bad about their mom. Being good and righteous now will get you what you deserve. While grey rocking be courteous like you're the one that wants it, it drives them mad. With you at home she will want this to be over asap, use it to speed up the divorce while she is in the honeymoon phase. It's a good time to ask for what you want, try and go by an out of court mediator to save time…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 09:43 AM
14

Was able to work on my finances! When I was with her she required so much emotional maintenance it was dragging down the family cause I didn't have time to invest time on more income. Now with all the free time I can focus quality time on this and my children. Had to make the best of the hand we were dealt and it's working out great!
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 01:00 AM
1

Great job bro! That financial focus is what is helping me also. Working extra is keeping my mind occupied and the money issues are easier with the extra cash. The best vengeance is the one when you make yourself better and forget that past. Keep it up!
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 07:33 PM
17

She got played by some guys promising her a better life and once they got what they wanted, dumped her once they realized she was too easy. She found out the hard way that the grass isn't really green on the other side. As a man two things are critical for you to be happy and at peace in the relationship: respect and fidelity. You won't be at peace with her cause the odds of doing it again are possible and high. Proceed with the divorce and get back with her after it goes through. Stay strong br…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 10:36 AM
3

Something similar happened to me, but I saw her on a dating app. Just to fuck with her and let her know, I knew she was on it, I sent her a Super Like or whatever it was called. She blocked me lol. The dating app was just a phase right after the separation. It was fun to meet other people but in the end I deleted it and got to work on other things I felt were more important financially and time wise. 1.5 years into it I feel being alone helped me get ready to move on. I'm way better in all aspec…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 04:40 PM
14

There are two things that men value the most in a relationship: fidelity and respect. These were both broken when you found someone else to sleep with trying to "numb" the pain. This causes good men to feel worthless and hurt incredibly. Fortunately going solo is what makes a person stronger and the reason why most men come out on top in the end. Society pampers women regardless of whose fault it is and blames the men. If a woman posts on social media she will get support from friends, family or…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 01:37 PM
7

It's over bro. Once she disrespected the marriage by breaking the vows it will be easier to do it again to you or to anyone for that matter. Play it cool and start preparing for divorce. Learn how to separate emotional decisions from logical ones and start planning your escape route. Good luck and stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 10:51 AM
11

So many years invested, seeing her like this you may feel some sympathy. But if she filed there is not much you can do but move on. As men we already feel it when we raise a family, no one will come to save you. We work our ass off and eat all that stress thinking of how to make it all work. She may now be realizing this. Feel sympathy for yourself cause you have a road ahead and maybe if you feel like it, you can give her a hand. As men it's always good to look out for yourself first then be ri…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 05:48 PM
2

You shouldn't have moved out of the home. You gave her the ammo she needs. It is now believable that you don't care about your child and leave them behind and she is showing she can take care of them 100%. Get an attorney ASAP and get their recommendation on what to do now. Try to file fast and then get a temporary parenting plan now! Ask for 50/50 custody. Good luck bro.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 04:44 PM
2

I get that a lot. I just respond with "oh, well I not!" And depending who it is, I'll laugh or show a big smile. People just don't know how to respond to that kind of news and it's best to let them know.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 05:20 PM
3

It's a matriarchy thing, emotionally women tend to be on the same page. As men all we can do is give them the best life when they do come to your house. Let them know they are always welcome and that it is their house also. It helps to have a good relationship with your x only focusing on the children. What helped me is to give them what they like. They are teen girls so it should be easy. Take them shopping and to trendy snack shops. It may take a while but they will realize it's in their best …
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 08:55 PM
5

"Just wanting us to go back to a time we had fun together" this says it all. You don't want to be friends, you want a relationship with her again. You can be friends but these type of feelings will get you in trouble emotionally. You have to be comfortable with yourself alone before moving on to something more advanced. Good luck bro
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 03:18 AM
7

When I first separated the ratio was about 31/31 bad days in a month. Now after 1.5 years the ratio is more like 2/31. I still get those bad days occasionally and miss the family feeling. There will be milestones and adjustments that will help speed things up. To me these were: Feeling out the sadness, just let it out privately. No contact, this was hard cause of the children but doable. Grey Rock at least. Change surroundings like home and friends. The sale of the home gave me a reality check, …
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 08:20 PM
6

When trudging long enough you start not giving a fuck. After a divorce confidence takes a big hit especially since they can literally sleep with almost anyone. Stop thinking about them and focus on work and physical fitness. Start saying "the next women that get me will get a better version of me, better than my ex would ever get". You're in metamorphosis mode right now. It takes time but before you know it you will realize all the shit you went through made you a better man. Good luck out there…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 11:35 PM
14

Follow through with the divorce. You can get back with her again once the divorce is finalized. If you cancel it and them divorcing emotions come back up, you will regret not going through with it. It happened to me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 12:30 PM
2

Depends on the state but in most it is. Police will do nothing because she technically owns half everything you do. It would be hard to prosecute.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 12:48 AM
7

So did mine! So I told my children I invested my half of the home we sold and paid another house with money from a hidden account and am also getting separate income. Kinda making it seem like I was hiding something while being careful to not write or have it recorded. She is pissed they cannot uncover it. I just deny it to her and the court, I can tell by her demeanor she is angry and frustrated! I love it!
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 07:57 PM
6

Listen bro, it's ok to feel it out but DO NOT let her see you like that. Stop writing her or asking for her to come back to you. Women will view you as emotionally weak and lose respect for you. That is because they are the emotional ones and need someone that is strong, which is why they are attracted to guys that don't give a fuck. If you want her back you need to stop having sex with her and grey Rock her. It will be the only way to get her back. You may be able to convince her to come back i…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 05:29 PM
1

Now is your opportunity to take advantage of the divorce. She is in that limerence phase and probably willing to give you most custody and let you stay in the home. Take what you can get! Play the weaker person and make her feel guilty. Just deep down inside know what your motives are. Put your feelings to one side and start playing the game logically. Trust us that we've been through it, things will get better and you will feel good if you take advantage at this time. Don't fall for her emotion…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 05:21 PM
10

The marriage respect is gone, she did it once and she will do it again. By giving her a chance now you are showing you can be manipulated and therefore you will lose more respect. Go forward with the divorce and let her know that after it's finalized you will talk about getting together again. I got back with my ex and canceled the divorce. Then after about 5 months those feelings about divorce started popping up again. Lost money and time. I haven't made contact with her for 8 months now and I'…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 04:47 PM
6

This isn't like Alcoholics Anonymous where you fall off the wagon. Grey Rock is done so we can emotionally get stronger against the urge to simp out with our ex or because you just want nothing to do with her for the harm she has done. If you feel you are going to talk to her for the children that's good just make sure you don't talk about anything else unless you are ready. The goal is to talk to her one day without lingering emotions, this is for the good of your children.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 12:37 PM
20

She is using you to lean on emotionally as she distances herself from the relationship. Then one day she will cut you off once she is ready and you will be hurt. The only way to get her back is to go "All or nothing". Show leadership and don't play those emotional games with her. She is either in or out, if not you need to move on before her or you will be in emotional suffering for a while. Stay Strong. Good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 03:57 PM
1

The truth will set you free. Get ahead and tell the family members and don't tell her. Man up to it and pay the price. When she goes and tells them they will let her know they have been informed and she will feel defeated. As for the custody, just say those were words that came out but you didn't mean it. Get with your attorney on this. Watch your emotions cause they are running your mouth and can get you in a hole that will be hard to get out of. good luck bro!
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 02:10 AM
0

Don't do it!!! When women have sex it is connected with their emotions. She still has feelings. One day they will realize it's not going to work or can do what you do and they will flip the switch, the love emotion will change to hate and you won't recognize her. She will treat you like shit and mentally you will be after her. Just move on or you will pay for it later. That way you can keep a good relationship in the future. I have been through it and now we hate each other and don't talk anymor…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 08:27 PM
3

Fuckin right on. I should have finished it long ago but kept believing I could trust her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 03:20 PM
1

The mistake men make is getting into an emotional state in the relationship. Play the game logically or you will lose your emotional sanity, especially against women that don't know what they want or care what the family needs. Go Stoic and No Contact. Men need to lead and be respected in order to be loved. Good luck bro.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 04:36 PM
3

She is ready to monkey branch out of your relationship. You do need a job, and push her to get one also. It's all or nothing, don't take any of the "let's take a break" BS. As a leader your desicions must be respected for the family to follow you. Good luck bro.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 05:10 PM
3

You are still chasing her even though you know she is with someone else. You think she will respect and love a person that does this? Get some dignity and stop talking to her. I can't stress enough how much NO CONTACT will change the relationship. Just stop talking to her, no reason, no excuses. If you are married file for divorce and focus on new goals, but you cannot do this if she is still in your life. I was in your shoes and stopped 6 months ago. My life has changed ever since I stopped com…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 10:31 PM
3

I have 3. Used to think like you with that excuse. I had to take care of myself in order to take care of them. Wish I would have gone no contact way before. If she tries to contact you while you go no contact is cause she knows she still has you. You can do it bro. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 04:28 PM
3

You need to let go. The space in your heart is occupied by her memory and it's causing you pain. You need to kill that hope by going NO CONTACT. I've been there and stopped communicating with her. After a while I stopped hating and now even found someone. The perception I had about my ex changed and now I'm way happier.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 04:13 PM
2

You need to learn to be alone. Give it time, you will grow into it and it will be something that will help be a better you in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 12:55 AM
7

Sold it to an online gold buyer. I still had an emotional attachment when I shipped it but now I have a feeling of mental freedom. Gotta get rid of every attachment in order to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 03:36 PM
1

It's all or nothing. Don't play into her games or you will pay for it later. You set your rules and boundaries and if she doesn't want to follow it's goodbye. Take the initiative or you will suffer emotionally.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 07:29 PM
1

I'm happy to talk to anyone about it. First, it helped me deal with it mentally. And second, I want everyone to know what to expect if it happens. It surprises me how many people think about divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 04:02 PM
1

You should not care about these things. What are you even talking to her about such personal shit with her? You are not a couple and you are not friends anymore. You are two people tied in a legal contract waiting for the next step in the dissolution of the contract. She is messing with your emotions and you fell for it. Fukin grey rock her from now on, that will mess with hers.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 08:59 AM
3

I don't regret it. Wish I was in your shoes like back when our relationship started that she loved me more than I loved her. We both just changed the last 2 years especially her which is why I filed. She is a completely different person now but do miss the old EX though. You have a clean slate with that relationship, try to make the best of it since you are already there. Come back here for tips. In the end it's up to you on how you want to proceed. Good luck bro
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 02:47 PM
2

It depends on your relationship with her. I told her family but only because I knew she tried to spin it as my fault. Best thing is to keep it amicable and keep it all to yourselves but many times that is really hard to do.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 04:10 PM
6

Amazon magnet GPS, don't use itags they will advise anyone around them. Voice activated recorder in car, women like to talk in the car for some reason. This is just to confirm if she is a cheater, don't continue using them or you will go down an emotional rabbit hole and end up in the same place and lost a ton of time. If she is, file for divorce and go no contact.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 04:15 PM
4

She is either cheating on you or she isn't. That's all you need to know. Determine this and base your decision on it. You can track and see everything she is doing but it won't change a thing and will lead you thru a rabbit hole with no answers and emotional pain. There will come a point when you will have to decide to move on. Do it now before you get any deeper.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 03:25 AM
3

Always remember women will make their decisions based on their emotions. Now you lost faith in her actions and how she treats you and you feel like checking out. Sometimes they don't realize how good life is and we are content just as providers. Your situation happened to me, she hit the wall and thought the grass is greener on the other side. Maybe a female family member or religious leader can talk sense into her and a man to you as well. Couples therapy is good and all but sometimes we need t…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 02:14 AM
5

Get Divorced! If you are meant to be together do it after the divorce and not be married. She doesn't know what she wants. Don't follow someone else's decisions especially when they are emotion based or you will be dragged along for the ride.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 04:13 PM
2

File asap. The judge will see she did it on purpose and she will have to pay for it. Just don't get back together with her and make sure the date of separation was before she started doing it
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 02:16 AM
1

Join a fitness group. I got into running and have running goals in mind which keeps you motivated and oriented. I'm in better shape which boosts confidence. I found a group on face and started showing up, after a while started talking to more members. Just started getting invited to social events which have been fun and meeting people of all ages. There is life after divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 09:17 PM
2

In any negotiation you have to ask for more so you can negotiate down. You ask for full custody cause she probably will, so you meet in between. You want all the pets, so does she so you meet in between. I see many men start with half and then don't get what they want. We think logically and know this is the solution but women think emotionally and want it all.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 12:56 AM
5

No contact or grey rock her. Get used to not having her in your life cause it causes pain. If not you will be there for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 04:05 PM
3

I wish I could talk to myself 1 1/2 years ago, I was in your shoes. She is holding on to you cause you have many years together and has some old emotions but she is moving on and one day will cut you off, this will hurt if she beats you to it. Don't beg, cry, ask or try to fix it in any way, it's over. She hit the wall and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Start preparing for a divorce cause it may get ugly, record any negative interaction that may help your case on child custody, this wil…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 10:39 PM
2

Credit card, gas, light, car loan. Whatever you can think of.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 09:15 PM
2

Since my ex was on the deed we had to go 50/50. Are you the only deed holder? If she is not on there you may be able to collect 100% of the sale. Because of the divorce she is entitled to 50% but you can hold it and give it to her later as a bargaining chip. She may get pissed but you're on a mission. Not sure how UK laws may work but look into it. If she is on the deed she will get half. Just make sure you pay all debts that are important off first. If you don't have proceeds for this you can s…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 08:18 PM
3

Just don't sell the home without a financial agreement in place. I sold my home and she kept half, she had "amicably" agreed to help me pay half our credit card debt plus a foreign home we had. She took the money and ghosted me. Now I paid the credit cards and filed for divorce, let's see how that goes. If you're going to negotiate always start with more than you expect so you can negotiate down. And always expect a change of feeling from her end , she may change ideas in an instant and your bac…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 07:30 PM
1

This is the correct answer. Protect yourself at all times.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 12:43 AM
1

No. Conflict of interest. I was asking around a few attorneys and my wife became frustrated cause they would not talk to her because of it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 12:44 AM
1

She knows you are the more amicable one and is taking advantage of it. The one that cares less is the one that holds the POWER. Stop feeling emotional about it, stop giving a fuck and file for the long process. Don't even tell her you are doing it. In the long run you will feel better about it and so will your bank account.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 07:36 PM
6

Don't do it! I did this and when I started making my life she started holding back payments as a ransom for me to give her more child support than I was supposed to. So i canceled our agreement. I was already having a hard time financially and I got hit with two 60 day late payments. Messed up my credit and now I'm paying for it cause it's making it hard to buy a home. We sold the home and when I have my own home in the next few months I know my children will want to move in with me rather than …
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 08:46 PM
1

She will most likely get alimony cause of the 20 years and her never have really worked. It depends on how much you earn, she would most likely have to start working to make ends meet which would really help you out. Unless you earn big time or are a millionaire I wouldn't be too worried. Use your states alimony calculator to get an idea. You can also hope for her to cohabit with someone so they can terminate it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 10:14 PM
6

Especially that age gap. She has a younger man. It's hard for a woman after 40. They lost their most attractive trait, youth.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 05:22 PM
9

Let her go. She wants to go out so give that to her and don't give a fuck what she does. Whoever cares less in the relationship is the one that holds the most POWER! Don't show her your emotions. Bro... You have a big age advantage! Work out and find someone young to date, that will burn her up. Go no contact and I'll bet she will be back, but by then you will be a young badass and have moved on. Time is not on her side and she will be used consistently on the dating apps. You got this bro!
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 05:20 PM
1

Great to hear your experience! Minimal or No Contact is the way to go for a man to move on. This is key.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 03:19 PM
3

Bro, there is a huge difference in earnings. Maybe go for full custody. Try and buy out the home. And negotiate a one time lump sum instead of the alimony. Once she gets other people's ideas and a whiff of what you will pay her she will lawyer up. So your best bet is to keep out of litigation find a mediator cause you're gonna pay for hers and your lawyer, it will save you two layers fees. I used Resolvium. Saved me thousands. Try to be her friend and do it amicably. It's best for you and your c…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 02:21 PM
1

Respect and fidelity. Be our equal. Women think emotionally and they want that in return. Men think logically and they want that in return. Both should learn how to ask and give what the other needs.
/r/MensRights25/09/23 03:42 PM
11

How will I spend more quality time with my kids and for myself than listen to delusional complaining of bad neighbors, backstabbing family or shitty friends without my wife?
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 03:21 PM
1

You both are used to each other and 13 years of feelings will not go away in an instant. Who really brought up divorce first? One of you will realize that you will have to stop sleeping together in order to move on and dump the other. Be the dumper, not the dumpee. It's time to move on before she decides it one day then you will be in emotional pain.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 07:32 PM
1

I know this. This is not legal advice. Just what I have seen happen, see your attorney.The process will stop but she will keep the current two year temp resident status. Since you will not be sponsoring her anymore she will not be able to move forward. She will be asked to leave the county. She is entitled to half the assets if still in the country and able to appear in court. If you decide to divorce her, take the first step and separate. She can call the police and put false domestic violence …
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 02:38 AM
3

​ fastPeoplesearch.c o m this is ok pay for Intelus.c o m this was way worth it and easy to cancel online magnetic gps tracker with subscription voice activated voice recorder. for some reason women open up and talk a lot in the car do not use airtags, phones detect these now. do not tell anyone. this is just for your ease of mind but go with your gut feeling and do not accuse without concrete proof
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 02:59 AM
2

If you are sure it's over don't wait for her to make the decision of filing. You're gonna feel like shit when she files and you are the dumped. Be the dumpee, it's a better position in every aspect.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 11:05 PM
1

Don't do it. It's illegal to record someone without them knowing. You're also just gonna piss her off and make the divorce more difficult cause she will be emotionally angry against you. Don't get into her emotional war. Best way to beat her and maybe even get her back is to tell her you are done with her and go no contact. Do keep the recording in case she starts saying the break up is your fault. Show it to anyone she told.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 10:17 PM
2

Cause there is probably a long line of guys waiting to get sex from any woman that goes on there. It will all come crashing down once she gets used to it and realizes this. By then you will probably have found someone to take her place.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 10:08 PM
2

She is messing with you bro and it's working. Emotionally she is like a cat playing with a mouse. Set your boundaries and have her respect them. If not you are never gonna move on.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 04:11 PM
2

Go NO CONTACT. It's hard at first but you will get used to not caring about it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 12:54 AM
5

Sell and move furniture around. Change sleeping rooms and invite people over. Get out and do exercise, find a running group or social gathering. Drink water, get sleep. Focus on another goal. I sold my home and bought another. Let your emotions feel it out, you'll eventually become immune to the sadness.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 10:14 PM
0

Ah ok. Have her served with the divorce paperwork and if she doesn't appear or hire an attorney to represent her you will have big advantages. Hopefully she doesn't follow through.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 10:01 PM
1

You are in a no fault state so she is entitled to half of everything. Use reverse psychology on her. Ask, beg and cry for her to come back to you, say you won't give her the divorce cause you need her in your life. She will see you as pathetic and sign off to give you most of the assets. She is up in the clouds, take advantage of her state of mind right now.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 09:52 PM
2

Have her start working now. It may help with the alimony situation. But do look into getting divorced soon and take the first step of filing, life is easier as the dumper than the dumped. It will be difficult mentally for you if you continue this relationship especially if the cheaters don't own up to what they did. You will start checking up on her more and she will find it annoying and dump you one day. Try not to leave the house but do file first. You will get used to not seeing your children…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 11:52 AM
1

We decided to do it this way, until she decided to fight for petty items and cc bills she doesn't want to help out with anymore cause she changed her mind. Now I just may go with an attorney. If you go to mediation ask for more than you expect to get.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 07:30 PM
1

I just sold my home. I was stupid to move out. Loan was in my name and she was giving a hard time making payments on time so it was in my best interest. She had an emotion lapse and I took advantage. The real estate attorney represents both. He put in writing that we would get 50% of equity each. The day of closing I got my 50% and am now looking for a new home. Also paid off the majority of CC debt.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 10:07 PM
3

If she mentioned it first get proof like a text. This is for when she tells everyone it was your idea. Then file first so your attorney has control of the court days and is the first to know. The most important thing is to go NO CONTACT. She will respect you for this and you will learn to have control of your life here. This will help you personally big time.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 04:26 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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