Does sexting deserve divorce?

scootfaster · 2025-12-09T13:21:01+00:00

Divorce that is all

ForQueenandCountry82 · 2025-12-09T07:43:15+00:00

For me sexting would be a definite reason for divorce but it's totally up to you OP. Best of luck

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-12-09T06:17:25+00:00

I hope can process this and turn towards realization that this is now a business relationship and you need to strategize, plan, and exit with little to no emotions on the business side. So grieving when the time is right for you but keep your wits about you.

WitchDoctor431 · 2025-12-09T05:45:46+00:00

Bro I so wish that I had seen or found this reddit sub 1 or 5 or 10 years ago it would have made the last year and half .. not easier nothing makes it easier but would have given me the knowledge that im not alone in this by that I mean others have gone thru the same things and have incite that my brain refused to acknowledge . Like that sooner the better i have alimony tp pay for 7 yrs

Half my military retirement IS hers now almost everything I owned literally is gone. She will make you out to be the bad guy they will claim abuse when there isnt any. Men tend to get out of the divorce and only want what they earned like I make my money you go ahead and go make your money when and will want to take you for over half of everything you have or more you'll lose your retirement they will try to take the whole house whereas men tend to want to split the house men tend to want to split the relationship 50/50 women want to split the relationship 90/10 they will even go as far as keeping your children away from you. She will even want to keep the pets specifically your pet. Get out now

Square-Choice-3672 · 2025-12-09T05:41:03+00:00

Run… since you seen the texts she has been bent over etc numerous times…

They forget what you did for them really fast… be it 13 years or 40 once they get another dick.

JRemington80 · 2025-12-09T05:39:59+00:00

The first time you “catch” her is just that. It’s def not the first time she’s done it.

Unfortunately I was in your situation, if she ends up saying the right things and promising a change it at least in my case just prolonged the inevitable. When it gets to this level of an emotional affair she’s filling some void in herself that she’s actively chosen to gratify outside your relationship. From my experience once that lines crossed it’s done.

If she does say she wants to work on it - present her with a post nup. Make her put her money where her mouth is.

Eric242 · 2025-12-09T01:24:30+00:00

Wow at least an income. I caught my spouse flirting with Facebook with no job. Then, “I’m not IN love with you”. Not our vows, but it doesn’t matter anymore.

NilesGuy · 2025-12-09T01:10:52+00:00

Present her a marital settlement agreement that’s fair to keep the divorce cost down. Your marriage has been over for a while & in reality was a manipulationship .

southass · 2025-12-09T00:51:20+00:00

Bro if they are already sexting and sharing nudes they already are having sex, do what you must to protect yourself yesterday.

rockland_beaumont · 2025-12-09T00:30:03+00:00

Everyone will tell you to lawyer up, but I say seek mediation. End your marriage through a third party mediator. Get a document written up. Turn that in. Save yourself thousands of dollars, this is, if she is reasonable and amicable enough. No need for court trials, or anything else. Just go in knowing what you are going to lose some things, also, find all of your common grounds and compromises from the jump.

CommonBubba · 2025-12-08T23:13:15+00:00

Make sure you get some screenshots, then find a decent lawyer. Don’t tell your STBXW anything until you have an exit strategy mapped out.

She has already checked out and may be a step ahead of you.

Afroviking1 · 2025-12-08T21:02:11+00:00

Hard yes. No need to explain further

FaithlessnessNo281 · 2025-12-08T20:27:05+00:00

100%. You let that slide, you end up hating yourself and she ends up cheating because she can’t respect you.

Cautious-Young-2690 · 2025-12-08T20:17:28+00:00

I can't tell you what to do exactly, but speaking from experience; once your partner is at that level they're done. I was her and it was from years of feeling neglected and having my needs put on the back burner. As soon as an attractive woman started giving me some of that attention I craved so badly I couldn't help myself.

I was already done before any emotional/physical affair even started. I was lying to myself, stbxw was lying to herself, when we started going to counseling. It just got worse until were at the point were at no: forced to live together as a divorce is under way. Resenting and despising eachother. I wish I had started this LONG ago.

RamRod11Bang · 2025-12-08T19:28:19+00:00

You need to leave. Get the divorce started yesterday and eventually find someone who will love you and treat you with the respect you currently aren't getting from your wife. She's giving that to another man who isn't her husband right now. You know what you need to do.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-12-08T18:51:40+00:00

It is over once a woman enters into an emotional affair. They only give that side of themselves when they are single in their minds. No coming back from that. Sorry my man.

Jbr74 · 2025-12-08T18:14:31+00:00

Yes, because if she's not already cheating, she will be soon. ( And likely already has been.)

inbetweensound · 2025-12-08T17:56:27+00:00

I wouldn’t decide based on whether it’s physical. You will never know the truth about that unless she admits something but the sexting alone is enough to warrant leaving.

Google_Krsna_mom · 2025-12-08T17:51:57+00:00

If they see each other every day at work...chances are there has been physical contact.

hazalo9 · 2025-12-08T16:55:24+00:00

Sexting is what you caught, there is more stuff you haven't. Move on cause if you forgive, you will never be at peace. Once trust is lost there is no getting it back.

MonarchistExtreme · 2025-12-08T16:39:48+00:00

You only know about the sexting, they are obviously sleeping together. Is that worthy of divorce to you? It would be me for me.

Think about it, if there was a person you felt comfortable exchanging nudes with, expression desires for and you had access to them 5 days per week...

I remember going thru the discovery of my ex wife's affair. Each new revelation, I would rationalize that "hey at least it wasn't whatever" knowing in my gut that of course it was everything. But the mind, as a defense mechanism from the pain of worse being discovered sometimes walls off the thoughts about what really is happening. It makes each new discovery feel as fresh as the first.

Save yourself the pain of trickle truthing...it's like enduring a chain of affair discoveries and it just goes on and on.

Your best bet is to divorce her and contact her affair partner's wife and let her know too.

banderson888 · 2025-12-08T16:07:37+00:00

I've been there last year, my man. It hurts, but there is a light at the end of this tunnel and it's called divorce. When a spouse cheats it's like taking a bottle and shattering it. You can glue it back together, but it will never be the same.

After I discovered my wife's emotional affair we did counseling for 9 months all for nothing. The texts I found were PG13 when I discovered it. That's why I didn't leave right away, and for our 3 young kids. 9 months later I found they where still talking and found x-rated texts. I was done. I filed right away. Your marriage is over. She has already checked out. If you have any chance a reconciling, SHE has to do the work. Open phone policy, tracker on phone, and leave her job. Get a post-nup saying if you find any signs of infidelity in the future she waves the right to alimony and 50/50 assets. I'd bet my truck she won't sign it.

Character-Change-507 · 2025-12-08T14:21:49+00:00

Have some self respect and answer this question yourself. Your wife is entertaining another and your asking if that deserves divorce

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2025-12-08T12:26:07+00:00

Absolutely, full stop, file like yesterday.

OzzyBSK · 2025-12-08T12:23:32+00:00

The longer you stay, the more expensive it gets to leave.

machmusic76 · 2025-12-08T10:15:20+00:00

They have to be sleeping together if they're exchanging nudes and see each other most days through work.

Easy-Performance-400 · 2025-12-08T07:56:14+00:00

Do you feel respected? Does your intimacy is safe from outsiders? Do you have a safe connection between you and your wife? Do you feel loved, accepted, becoming a better person and personnaly growing up next to her?

Single-Link · 2025-12-08T06:12:30+00:00

Will you respect yourself if you stay? She clearly lost respect for you. If you are willing to live with that and able to sleep at night, then you can choose to take that road.

My two cents, Leave. It will only get worse, she'll get better at covering her tracks. She made conscious choices to send those messages/photos, it was only a matter of time before it actually happened.

I'm sorry you're going through this and it sucks that if you have kids, they will suffer because of her selfishness.

For what it's worth, I discovered a 6mos+ affair that started with sexting but turned physical. I now live on the other side of the world from my children. I tried to work through it, but I came to the realization that: 1. I don't deserve to live like that, knowing that she chose another man...I don't play second string. 2. My children deserve to see their father happy, loving, healthy...not broken, angry and depressed.

It's a hard road no matter which one you take.

Edit: thought I read kids somewhere but that might have been a comment

906lane · 2025-12-08T06:12:10+00:00

Yes, she has zero respect for you as a man. Why would you be with a women that has zero respect? It is psychological for a women to think about the act, then start acting on the thoughts. Which means she stop loving you, respecting you days, weeks, months and years ago.

If you stay she won't ever respect you as a man period and do you believe that she was only sending nudes and text messages please she was blowing him and having sex on lunch breaks in the car, bathroom rooms any place she could get it while at work or off work.

Be an adult and see the smoke and mirror show for what it is. There are women out there that will respect you and won't cheat no matter what life events happen.

diablokhi7 · 2025-12-08T05:27:09+00:00

13 years is a long time but sending nudes is totally not acceptable and that equates to cheating. Having said that, people take divorce very easy, if u have kids involved, think about them also. U should assess if this was a one off thing like u said u have had issue in the last year or so, if it was then maybe try to analyse by her reaction whether she can actually come back to u or not.

PlutoPlanet900 · 2025-12-08T04:59:45+00:00

You should leave her. She has no respect for you at all, and she’s even sending nudes to her affair partner. I’m sorry this happened to you. Hope all is well.

serkovavantgarden · 2025-12-08T04:42:37+00:00

Mate she’s letting this idiot do things to her that she told you were too ‘dirty’ when you suggested them

And they’re laughing at you while doing so

However it isn’t your fault that your soon to be ex wife is a slut who couldn’t do the honourable thing and tell you that the marriage was over.

She chose another way.

Time to chose your way bro

Lawyer up

Dark_Tint · 2025-12-08T04:30:11+00:00

She’s already mentally checked out. Divorce and move on.

Rare_Psychology_8853 · 2025-12-08T04:28:35+00:00

How has she reacted? Is she remorseful? What is her explanation?

Personally I’d be done. My spouse wants to whore around, fine, but not while I’m at home holding up my end of the vows he doesn’t honor. Oh and complaining about me to their dick of the week? Complaining about ME while THEY are cheating on me? Fuck out of here.

Hope you got the screenshots.

thraxx171 · 2025-12-08T04:18:00+00:00

I think we all go through the affair fog where limerence and possibly self betrayal/self gaslighting is prevalent. Coworker and sexting I would hate so say that it's already physical. She's monkey branching. My advice is to get your house in order, document and get all the information you can on the affair, it sounds like it's going to get messy. She's already given her emotional energy and love to someone else. It sucks to hear, but she isn't coming back. Now work on yourself and know everything will be ok in the end.

henrysmyagent · 2025-12-08T03:51:25+00:00

Sexual energy and attention given to a man other than her husband is a divorce worthy betrayal.

Slick-Fork · 2025-12-08T03:48:12+00:00

If she hasn’t fucked him already it’s just a technicality. She’s already there emotionally and mentally if she’s sending nudes to this guy

No-Regular7731 · 2025-12-08T03:34:00+00:00

This is what you caught. Probably more that you missed. It isn’t worth it. If she wants out let her go. The longer you try to keep her the more she will be rewarded when she walks out. Learn from my mistakes.

I tried to keep family together for the kids and she will walk away with more than I ever expected and people say “I am winning”.

No one wins at this game. Best to cut your loses.

reapersritehand · 2025-12-08T03:26:01+00:00

There's nothing to save here bro, let her go and eventually move on

Optimal-Peanut-6236 · 2025-12-08T03:11:28+00:00

Gonna tell you this from experience that this is a huge red flag! Usually before it gets to this stage the woman is unsatisfied for whatever reason and then along comes someone who just listens to her and tells her what she wants to hear. This is where it’s usually ends up. I would predict that it will continue and progress. I only say these things because they are true and I’ve experienced them myself. It breaks my heart just reading your post because it stirs up so much emotion. To answer your question though this behavior is the beginning of the end of a trust worthy relationship. Unless you lay down the law, seek therapy and work really hard it’s not gonna turn out well. I’m not trying to be negative but real. I’m on the process of a divorce with 30 years of marriage. This type of behavior happened in our relationship and things were never the same.

DadVader77 · 2025-12-08T03:08:29+00:00

She cheated. End of story. Divorce.

rockland_beaumont · 2025-12-08T03:05:33+00:00

She is an adulteress through and through

upvotersfortruth · 2025-12-08T03:05:12+00:00

She should be bitching about you to her girlfriends, not dudes. What does she have to say for herself?

Brucecris · 2025-12-08T03:05:03+00:00

Tough love incoming. Bro. So you’re struggling to decide whether to leave? No. Stand up for yourself my man. Even if she’s a goddamn bikini model, she needs to go. Everyone deserves / expects a certain level of respect from our partners. This means acting like a human and being vulnerable and doing things to improve the relationship yada yada. She made this decision for divorce already. You can’t just let this shit go. She decided to fuck around on you. She’s making the call here. You clearly know this was a violation the moment you found out and your head started spinning. I mean she’s sending nudes? Premeditated deceptive and manipulative for sure. It’s one thing to lie but this feels worse. Nobody deserves to be made a fool.

Do yourself a favor and get yourself tested for STDs. Get a lawyer and as hard as it feels, remember that you aren’t the one that did this - she did. Good luck

bigblue778 · 2025-12-08T03:01:47+00:00

I dont think sexting is the reason you leave, she doesn't respect you. She insulted you to this person, she insulted your marriage by sending nudes. There is no reason for her not to cheat on you at this point.

BeginningProgress551 · 2025-12-08T02:54:42+00:00

The only thing I would offer here is if she went into counseling with you and literally laid at your feet apologizing. Other than that yeah she's probably for the streets my man

ramboton · 2025-12-08T02:50:55+00:00

If you did not catch her, it would have gone physical. I caught mine, she said she would quit talking to him. I caught her again a few months later and they were discussing meeting up (he lived several states away) Get out now while you can.

probebeta · 2025-12-08T02:44:53+00:00

I'd say he's been there already

dadplup · 2025-12-08T02:38:38+00:00

I was married for almost 19 years,I was miserable during the last 10. Found out she was chatting with another guy at night when I was at work, I expressed my discomfort with this it didn't matter, she swore nothing was going on, she lied, she would invite him over after the kids went to bed and I left for work. This was only the first time I caught her. By the third time I had enough, our daughter caught her, and that was it , I filed for divorce and 6 months later it was done without her.

Sexting in my opinion is just the beginning, it will only escalate from that point .

Important-Possible-3 · 2025-12-08T02:37:18+00:00

Cheaters will literally put their family on the back burner for literal adultery. Blows my mind every time. Stay away from these people at all costs. Couldn't even associate with these kinds of people. I'm sorry man people just don't get how truly destructive this shit is

HyperionAlpha · 2025-12-08T02:33:56+00:00

If sexting is happening at all, then more is on the horizon, or has already occurred.

funnyman6979 · 2025-12-08T02:27:21+00:00

It is true people will never change the game and the stakes only get higher. Move into self preservation mode, and I’m sharing this from personal experience.

WoWLaw · 2025-12-08T02:18:05+00:00

It’s cheating. No question.

The fact that she’s shit talking you is even worse. She’s breaking you down so the other guy feels more comfortable violating your marriage. This is so he’ll be more comfortable when he eventually fucks her, if he hasn’t already.

Get. The fuck. Out.

LearnGrowExist · 2025-12-08T02:14:34+00:00

How does her sending nudes not amount to “something physical?” Idk, I’m just less accepting of the bullshit than most people now, I guess. As soon as she took her clothes off for someone else, it was “physical.” If it had just been the talking? Maybe I’d call that “emotional.” Probably not because it’s all just cheating at the end of the day, and it takes a certain kind of person to cheat, full stop.

ColedTouch · 2025-12-08T02:13:15+00:00

Absofunkinlutely.

Lost_in_theSauce909 · 2025-12-08T02:08:55+00:00

There was a ton of super disrespectful comments about me too during their sexting as well which worsens things

Legitimate-Error-633 · 2025-12-08T02:07:59+00:00

Yes. It’s cheating. Emotional cheating, which many people will describe as just as hurtful as physically cheating.

My ex wife did both (first emotional, then physical).

4 years later, I don’t care about them doing it anymore, but the emotional betrayal still hurts to the day.

SeriousGains · 2025-12-08T02:07:31+00:00

This is what I found out about. It wasn’t until she was leaving that she admitted they slept together too. Even if she hasn’t she’s there mentally.

It’ll be better for you in the long run to get out of that situation as painful as it might be. If she feels regret and reaches back out to you later on then you can decide if you want to hear it, but you need to clear your head and see things from an outside perspective. I know I did. You can’t do that fully while still in the relationship.

And if she doesn’t show real remorse and have regret then you know you made the right decision because she was never going to be loyal after getting away with that.

Strategerie27 · 2025-12-08T02:05:40+00:00

That’s cheating at the very least on an emotional level. Is she sorry for what she did or just sorry she got caught? Is she begging you for forgiveness and another chance or are they just gaslighting you and saying “it’s not that bad”? Don’t let her tell you how to feel.

You both need to find a good marriage counselor ASAP. If she’s not going to take major steps to change, you need to leave.

koskesh122 · 2025-12-08T02:05:11+00:00

Yes it does. She has lost respect for you. Once respect is lost, its permanent. Any reconciliation will be temporary. You've been warned. And speaking from experience.

Alert-Bus-4054 · 2025-12-08T01:58:18+00:00

I dont think so but also, get ready for my answer. Grab that mfr and ask why they are doing it. Marriage is sacred. It hurts I know but hunt the reason down

rowman_nahledge · 2025-12-08T01:57:53+00:00

This is terrible and in sorry dude. Im going thru something similar myself. Been together for 16yrs and im battling myself to either go or stay, we got 2 kids a home and all that. Im torn in what move to make as well. I hope we find a solution. Fckn women bro.

streetsmartwallaby · 2025-12-08T01:57:50+00:00

Yes. Absolutely

Substantial_Egg_248 · 2025-12-08T01:57:41+00:00

This is cheating.

InternetLoveMachine · 2025-12-08T01:57:34+00:00

Is this a real question?

Mountain-Drewski · 2025-12-08T01:57:22+00:00

Title	Does sexting deserve divorce?
Author	Lost_in_theSauce909
Upvotes	63
Comments	110
Date	December 8, 2025 1:53 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ph02tn/does_sexting_deserve_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/does-sexting-deserve-divorce.1568304 https://theredarchive.com/post/1568304

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