It does get better | Divorce

I came here 6 months ago as a broken man. Wife mentioned the divorce word and we went into trial separation. Marriage could not be saved and we filed 3 months ago, all paperwork is now done and we are just waiting for the courts to sign off. Ex has moved out of state and we have minimal contact.

It’s been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I got therapy and learnt a lot about myself- still wip

About 3 months ago I hit the online dating apps - had a blast. Had a number of first dates and some great experiences. Made me realise there will be life after divorce.

Currently travelling on vacation and met an amazing lady and spent 5-6 days on and off with her and flying back home via hers for the weekend. I know it’s probably too early to consider a more serious relationship but the depth of connection etc has given me ever more hope for the future that another amazing woman who I can share my life and experiences with does exist.

When I get back home I need to seriously invest in friends and local activities - not got much there.

It does get better

[–]CrazySanta7 19 points20 points21 points 2 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link

[–]new2life_2023[S] 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

[–]CrazySanta7 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

[–]chaosSlinger 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]woundedsurfer 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]capnjackstation 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Gribblewomp 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]capnjackstation 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]EDITORDIE 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]CrazySanta7 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]richreason1983 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey I just turned 40 and it's really not that bad. Work on your self a bit lose some weight if you need to, get some decent clothes take some good pics and you'll be fine. There are a lot of women out age out there in the same boat and alot of other women who find single dads in their 40s extremely attractive. I have my kids supposedly part time but its alot mode then that and I still get time to date. I had a six month relationship and now have 3 situationships ongoing. And I am nothing special I went from 270 to 230 but still need to drop a few more. Pro tip go to therapy it helps, and then tell everyone you go out with casually that you did. And if your ex comes up say you have a good relationship and leave it at that. Talk about your kids a lot it will be easy cause they're important to you. Trust me man it's not that hard.

[–]Apprehensive-Cost496 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

After the dust has settled, and we get some routine in our new life (me and the kiddos), I may consider dating; but after being with one woman for 13 years, and being over 40, the dating world of 2023/24 is intimidating AF to me

I was in the same boat, definitely give yourself 4 seasons to get acclimated to the new life. Build up that physical activity routine as it helps both mind and body and after 4 seasons, you'll have a great body to go out in the world with.

The dating world isn't intimidating, more like frustrating at 1st but when you are ready, just consider it a challenge. Also, the ladies are just as nervous so remember that fact. Otherwise after a couple months of trial and error, I've been definitely enjoying it and found some really cool ladies to spend time with. It also shows you there are different flavors and things out there that are better than your ex. Good luck man!

[–]new2life_2023[S] 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]EDITORDIE 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]_vinland_ 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Signal-Dot2326 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]new2life_2023[S] 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I think it’s very personal - going on dates was initially a distraction for me and a way of getting used to meeting new people - I was always 100% transparent about my situation etc. I am also very practical ie I need to experience things for myself vs reading about them. So the physical act of going on a date was very useful to adjust to my new world.

Think I was also lucky that my split was quick and decisive - we had finances agreed within a few weeks and ex moved out within a month.

Could I implode - small possibility yes. I find myself have mini moments when questions about roots etc come up.

Meeting this great woman has forced me to rapidly process a lot of questions - I started thinking about a long term future pretty quickly (lots of shared interests etc) but then had a mini meltdown in an airport toilet and realised there is no guarantee of anything long term. I am not just going to live for the moment but also not going to project way into the future and think I need to mirror a past life.

[–]Hot-Jump-1548 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]new2life_2023[S] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SimplePandaMan 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]hazalo9 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	It does get better
Author	new2life_2023
Upvotes	25
Comments	22
Date	September 28, 2023 8:56 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16uarph/it_does_get_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/it-does-get-better.1233274 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233274

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