Co-workers wife wants divorce, He didnt see it coming. What can he do

Bobsutan · 2012-02-01T19:22:48+00:00

Do NOT move out of the home
Lawyer up
If she tries to take off with the kids, file an emergency injunction with the court. They can do this. If she still flees, they'll drag her ass back and possibly toss her in jail for contempt of court.
Get his own bank accounts
Take her off any credit cards in his name
Divide up any money in joint accounts ASAP
Start looking at mediators in the area. Get a separation agreement in writing and filed with the court ASAP before she turns on him and things get ugly. The process goes like this:

You come in for 4 to 6 sessions of 1-2 hours a pop, you hammer out all the details like custody, child support, division of assets and debts, and so on. When things get heated the mediator kicks in and squashes the arguments and keeps everyone on track. When you're both satisfied with how things look, you have your respective lawyers look it over, you sign the damn thing, and submit a copy with the court. This is what's used to adjudicate the divorce, generally speaking. If you can do this, it'll be way less messy and more amicable overall. And if she gets a bug up her ass later about something specific, so sad, too bad, you've already filed all your shit with the court and she'll have to move for a modification which can take months. In the meantime you'll be squared away and can rely on the agreement you hammered out. Oh, and mediation isn't cheap. Expect to spend about $2500 on it, which is still cheaper than fighting everything through lawyers every step of the way. Again, the point of mediation is to avoid a long drawn out contested divorce.

InfallibleBiship · 2012-02-01T15:58:49+00:00

Is his wife seeking full custody? He can mediate or go through lawyers to negotiate (and fight if necessary). Either way he needs a lawyer. It's a lawyer's job to answer this question. You and his other friends have the job of providing emotional and moral support.

oomod · 2012-02-01T14:08:47+00:00

http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/d8voq/advice_for_divorcing_men/

2012-02-01T19:17:59+00:00

Don't mean to be rude but tell him to get a paternity test on the children while he has the chance. A divorce out of nowhere usually means an affair and it's sadly possible that one or all of the children aren't his. It could be useful in court to show a pattern of infidelity and give him a lever in the divorce. Though, he may want to get someone else to read it for him if he still wants to fight for custody of the kids.

kronox · 2012-02-02T04:24:43+00:00

Do Not Move Out Of Your Home. Do Not Move Out Of Your Home. Do Not Move Out Of Your Home. Do Not Move Out Of Your Home. Do Not Move Out Of Your Home. Do Not Move Out Of Your Home. Do Not Move Out Of Your Home. Do Not Move Out Of Your Home. Do Not Move Out Of Your Home. Do Not Move Out Of Your Home. Do Not Move Out Of Your Home.

2012-02-01T19:49:37+00:00

Easiest way to lose money is lawyer fees.

Mediate, get a final agreement within two weeks and move on.

Holy_Smoke · 2012-02-01T15:07:51+00:00

My Thoughts: Seeing this process has been disgusting for me, to know at any moment a woman can file for divorce, keep custody, and make the man pay for her new life and the man has no say in it.

Not exactly; she has to be married first. Getting married is like letting a woman shove a pipe up your asshole, have barbed wire stuffed through it and then have the pipe pulled out. Not really that bad and what wouldn't you do to make her happy, but sooner or later she's going to want to give that barbed wire hanging out of your asshole a good yank and it's going to hurt. Getting married is a bad idea. Don't get married.

hubbyofhoarder · 2012-02-01T20:32:33+00:00

If you're in the US, know that most states (35 of 50 according to this site: http://ancpr.com/joint_custody_laws_in_the_united.htm ) presume that custody will be joint. Women are not in the driver's seat as much as they used to be.

That said, it's hard to give you advice that will allow your friend to not feel ruined. Divorce is crazy expensive and contentious, and hurtful. Even if he gets 50/50 custody he may feel like he "lost". Sorry.

carchamp1 · 2012-02-01T14:14:08+00:00

If his wife is a stay-at-home mom things will be very difficult. Does she work?

Demonspawn · 2012-02-01T14:11:36+00:00

Men who fight for primary custody often win. Most men don't fight for it.

He needs to get through the grief and up to speed with a lawyer ASAP--the wife is way out ahead of him on this. This is another reason women tend to come out ahead. By keeping their intentions secret, and passing through the acceptance of "what they must do" before the man even has a clue what's happening, by the time they are ready to pull the curtains back they are past the grief and ready to fight.

Honestly, the best thing for you to do is stoke his anger.

cjcee · 2012-02-01T20:09:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2012-02-01T19:13:03+00:00

from what I've been seeing and reading lately, the best possible outcome for him would be to lose his job and any and all assets he has. Once he has nothing, there is nothing she can take away it's really as simple as that.

If she's not a vindictive bitch he probably doesn't need to go to that extreme, but then he's going to be paying for those kids and that woman until the youngest is 18 or older.

td9red · 2012-02-01T15:35:38+00:00

Why does his wife want a divorce? He needs to get a lawyer, contest the divorce, and try to force her into counseling.

Title	Co-workers wife wants divorce, He didnt see it coming. What can he do
Author	cjcee
Upvotes	4
Comments	57
Date	February 1, 2012 2:01 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/p63uo/coworkers_wife_wants_divorce_he_didnt_see_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/co-workers-wife-wants-divorce-he-didnt-see-it.1028398 https://theredarchive.com/post/1028398

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