My little girls have bruises, CPS has been called but please try and calm me down..........

Zorbius · 2011-06-13T22:20:27+00:00

You would've liked to, but you didn't. And that's good.

Posting it here might not have been a good idea though. If their lawyer(are there lawyers?) does a decent background check, they'll find your profile here and this post. And they'll quote you on it.

Be prepared to counter that. There is a difference between wanting and doing. If anything, the fact that you didn't shows self-control and the ability to keep a cool head, which are very good qualities in a father.

Being enraged at the idea of someone having beating your children is not an unnatural response, even though most lawyers will try to persuade a judge/jury it is, without saying it outright. They'll focus on the fact that you got angry and pull that completely out of context.

Also, issues might come up with visitation rights if your ex won't dump her new husband. If all goes well, he'll be forbidden from seeing them. If all goes well, the mother will also be forbidden from seeing them too, but don't count on it. "She's the mother so she's irreplaceable." As long as it can't be proven she was the one who did it, nothing will be taken from her.

That's how most courts rule.

Anyways, that's all I can think of right now. Hope all goes well for you.

chavelah · 2011-06-13T22:28:09+00:00

Mother of three here. In all honesty, I'm not too fussed about those bruises. I would have called CPS as well, because I would want primary physical custody of my kids and that's one way to accomplish it. You made an agreement of no corporal punishment. It was violated. You are entitled to aggressively purse this issue, by any means necessary including CPS.

But don't torture yourself with the idea that your children are suffering serious abuse, based on those bruises.

Faryshta · 2011-06-13T21:44:18+00:00

They would have got bigger bruises by going to the park and playing on the slides.

pcarvious · 2011-06-13T22:16:15+00:00

You have to get cps out to take the photographs or they won't be admissible if a case is filed. Either that or a police officer. That's how the law works in my state. Also, the bruises have to last a few days. I don't know how long it was since they were last there, so I don't know. The physical punishment thing could be interesting, give you have a court order for it. I would use that as part of your claim.

girlwriteswhat · 2011-06-13T23:46:17+00:00

Are those bruises on the front of the leg? And did they say those specific bruises were from being hit?

Spanking happens on the backside--soft tissue, no vulnerable joints, lots of padding. I have absolutely no issue with spanking kids. But the bum is the only place a flying hand belongs.

deathsythe · 2011-06-14T12:04:42+00:00

Shovels are too messy. Listen to what I have to say and follow my instructions clearly.

First acquire the following items:

Rope and Duct Tape
large bathtub
Industrial strength microwave
a good blender
10 gallons of bleach
a decent blade (kukri or machete would work best) and a sharpening instrument (trust me, you are going to need it)
a ball pein hammer
lye
Several garbage bags, contractor bags are better

Once you have those items assembled contact me for further instruction.

Just remember, this is for your kids. Let the adrenaline, rage, and fear build up inside you, but at the same time try to remain calm with a clear head. You cannot afford any mistakes.

erok81 · 2011-06-14T01:00:17+00:00

You called CPS and that's a good start but now you need to go to the police and file a complaint while the bruising is still there. I wouldn't expect the CPS actually do something until the police are involved. I definitely think this is cause for some sort of investigation into how she got them.

Bobsutan · 2011-06-14T01:44:31+00:00

Call the police, not CPS. The officer will notify CPS internally if warranted. You calling CPS can be...problematic. In all likelihood if the kids tell the cop what they told you about the step dad beating them, AND you show the cop what the separation agreement says about no disciplining them, he may be able to arrest the guy for abuse, but I wouldn't count on it. The more likely option is you'll need to haul them into court for violating the agreement, which could get them in hot water for contempt of court. In all likelihood nobody will be going to jail and you'll have to do the whole lawyer thing to get in front of a judge who will then tell the step dad to knock it off and that'll be the end of it...until next time.

AnnArchist · 2011-06-14T03:15:03+00:00

Yea. I'd sue for custody. DO NOT GO OVER THERE. DO NOT TELL THEM YOU HAVE CONTACTED CPS. Remain calm, speak slowly.

If someone is hitting them, and to me any spanking is abuse, then contact CPS and seek full custody. Be prepared to spend some money.

2011-06-14T07:10:10+00:00

Journal, journal, journal. You strike me as a spectacularly level-headed dad so kudos to you for that. And it seems like you're prepared to take the hard road to primary custody so double kudos for that, too. I don't trust CPS any more than I trust the police, but I'm hoping your experience isn't entirely awful with them. My only advice is to keep a journal of everything, and try to go back as far as your memory allows to document every interaction with your ex. It's a PITA but it's such a helpful tool when you have to stand in front of the judge and answer questions about your role in their parenting and your demeanor toward your ex when discussing the kids' care.

jady1971 · 2011-06-14T09:37:35+00:00

I'm going to be a dick here but... You might be antagonizing the situation, yes your wife was freeloading before, but is that worse than you two getting into perhaps unnecessary conflict? If you defeat her, there isn't any prize at the end. Bruising is very worrying but there are plenty of parenting books in America that encorouge physical discipline, I would keep a record and discuss it with your ex, how strongly do you feel about old fashioned discipline, I know many who say it did them no harm.

The best situation for your kids is too keep contact with both parents, and for them to get along. Barring actual abuse. What do the girls say about the boyfriend?

Alanna · 2011-06-15T17:30:58+00:00

Court order or not, a stepfather has no business spanking your kids, IMO.
The court order just gives you ammo to do something about it.
Even if you are okay with spanking (which I gather from other comments you are) it shouldn't ever leave a bruise.

thetrollking · 2011-06-13T22:21:59+00:00

A little background, My ex wife and I have been split up for going on 4 years now. We are both re-married, her for 2 years and me for 1.5 months (yay!!!). We had everything handled out of court but after a few years I felt i needed rights so i took her to court to get everything official. Neither of them work and they have been living in my folks house rent free with his teenage daughter and thier new baby and surviving off the $13k a year I was paying them for child support. When we got into court she proceeded to call me an abuser and a drug addict, kept me on supervised visits for the duration of the investigation (of which all accusations were dropped) and i now have a decent custody order and regular withholdings from my paycheck

I emphasized all the things I think are just wrong with the above. I could actually go on and point out some more things but all I am ging to say is:

o.O

WTF. Why are they living in your folks house rent free?

I honestly don't know what to tell you. Good luck man.

Title	My little girls have bruises, CPS has been called but please try and calm me down..........
Author	jady1971
Upvotes	6
Comments	25
Date	June 13, 2011 9:25 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/hyuhd/my_little_girls_have_bruises_cps_has_been_called/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/my-little-girls-have-bruises-cps-has-been-called.1038670 https://theredarchive.com/post/1038670

Comments