How did you learn to trust yourself?

MirriMazDuur · 2021-08-23T11:51:47+00:00

I'd recommend reading Marcus Aurelius' Meditations. It's very awe-inspiring and humbling to read how even the roman emperor doubted himself. You rationally know that you need to do what you want and value what you value, but you also need something to make that emotional click in you. I'll leave you with a quote:

>It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own. If a god appeared to us—or a wise human being, even—and prohibited us from concealing our thoughts or imagining anything without immediately shouting it out, we wouldn’t make it through a single day. That’s how much we value other people’s opinions—instead of our own

JadedByEntropy · 2021-08-23T14:04:11+00:00

If you quit the bachelors you'll feel like a failure after doing all that stressful work of getting 100. Just aim for honors, not perfection. NO ONE has ever asked my grades even for my bachelor degree-noone actually cares about whether you barely passed or aced it. The degree is itself the thing you did, and i think even as a sahm you'd want to show the kiddos your diploma on the wall. That Kind of drive doesn't leave you. But its also not worth stressing over.

Responsibility is where you learn to trust yourself with things and achieve them. Put off the childish ways and really look to be an adult and take care of your house/finances/retirement/dishes/laundry/appearance

Fingapapit · 2021-08-23T12:22:38+00:00

"prove my worth" is tough, since we all feel like we're filled with potential and need others to recognize it. Building a solid home, not just the physical but the mental and spiritual environment - a "home base" for you and your partner to deal with the world writ large - is not a trivial task, nor is it one that is easily nor readily available in the modern era.

Maybe if we use a change of framing - 60-70% of college attendees are female now. Are all those degrees valuable? If so, to whom? If you feel a need to "prove yourself" by attaining the same level of "education" as these women, you might consider that the 4 years (and lots of tuition) spent getting a bachelor's degree is not quite as excellent a use of your time as some other endeavors.

Although it is true that as humans we all judge each other at least partially on otherwise arbitrary factors such as "level of education," I would argue that strong homemaking, wife, and motherly senses will lead to a much happier and stronger family unit than a degree that one might not necessarily need.

I apologize for not asking, but what degree is it?

koyachki · 2021-08-23T16:28:28+00:00

Hi sister - hope my experience can help! If anything I hope it makes you feel less alone!

Long story short, I lost my business (I owned a fitness studio) due to covid. I didn't survive the lockdown, and given social distancing rules where I live, I would have been able to have 4 people (including the trainer) in a class at a time, I was used to 25 - so there was literally no way to make a profit. It was absolutely heartbreaking, and I felt like my life was over. I had worked so hard to get to where I was, and was one of the most popular workouts in town. I grieved the loss for months and months (and months!) but from that pain, a new me, the me that I always wanted to be, was born. Even at the height of my success: sold out classes, getting recognized in my city for what I did, the excitement of growing a business from scratch - deep in my heart I knew it wanted something else. I was laughed at as a kid where i'm from (New England, very liberal.) when I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and replied "a wife and mom". I stifled that desire because ridicule from your community hurts, but it never went away.

When I lost my business, in the midst of my grief, I taught myself how to cook. Really well I might add. I joked that it was because I missed fine dining and all my favorite restaurants where closed, but I was tending to that stifled traditional part of me that wanted to learn how to cook to please my man and family. My longterm boyfriend (been together 10 years) is also an entrepreneur and as my career crashed and burned during the pandemic, his soared. He told me that he can handle the finances if I wanted to take over the homemaking. So I dove in head first. I've never felt more like myself. We built a house in the midst of all this madness and I can't explain the pride I have in it....it's way deeper then what my business gave me. I miss certain aspects of it, but I feel more like my authentic self. We're gonna start trying to get pregnant this winter, and I'm so happy that I can prepare this way. I'm very lucky in my situation..I know others don't get such a lucky break after they lose it all.

I struggled (and still do from time to time) with "just" being a homemaker - especially after I'd reached the level of outward success that I had. If i'm not a business owner, what am I? I can absolutely relate to your feelings of wondering where your worth comes from, if not your degree. My advice would be try to focus less on the opinions of what other people might have to say about your choices, and go with your gut. "Prove your worth" - what a loaded concept. To whom? How far down on that list is YOURSELF? Run towards the things that make you feel like yourself, even if it means leaving the things that other people think define you.

Environmental_Ad5867 · 2021-08-23T16:48:22+00:00

First off, congrats on your top marks for uni, OP!

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here. For context, I’ve spent many years finishing up my undergrad before going for my medical degree even a short stint in dental school prior to medicine. In essence, lots and lots of competitive studying.

But being at home making a nice meal for my partner, beautifying our home, nurturing the living things in the house make me genuinely happy.

That said, my career makes me happy too but in different ways. I enjoy the self accomplishment of my day to day (I maybe gripe about being overworked which I am but that’s a different story). It gives me a sense of confidence in my own ability which I feel makes me a better partner at home. Like different sides to the same coin, the duality that makes it whole.

This might not be the path of your choosing and that’s okay. But it can be an alternative. You can choose to be a home maker and still thrive brilliantly. My mother is a SAHM who was an economics graduate and worked as a successful stockbroker for many years before she quit (for a short time, she was the breadwinner compared to my dad because she was so excellent at it). I credit a lot of who I am to her raising us + keeping the home front in top order while my dad focused on being the provider. That said, she always emphasised education for me because she felt her education made her a better partner/mother for her critical thinking/decision making abilities.

Just an edit: someone commented about how their education became a stepping stone to something else and pick themselves up from difficult life circumstances. Life happens- businesses fail, pandemics happen, people/partners die. You can think of your education as insurance for yourself- better to have it and not need it than the other way around.

Scoobyginger25 · 2021-08-26T12:20:13+00:00

There is nothing wrong with wanting that! Feminism is about having freedom of choice

Title	How did you learn to trust yourself?
Author	koyachki
Upvotes	14
Comments	16
Date	August 23, 2021 11:23 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/p9xta2/how_did_you_learn_to_trust_yourself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-did-you-learn-to-trust-yourself.1060356 https://theredarchive.com/post/1060356

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