Decent video on male dating and sex struggles, the apparent lack of empathy from mainstream progressivism, and the flaws (and good points) of PUA stuff.

Suicidal_Alone · 2021-04-28T17:23:03+00:00

I'm listening, he's funny and reasonable

I just think we're increasingly living in a society where the socially inept or people at the bottom are increasingly demonized. It's worse for men because we're ascribed with more agency but sadly I think it goes beyond gender. Social commentary reminds me more and more of high school! It's just sad

Blauwpetje · 2021-04-28T16:23:51+00:00

Sounds interesting enough, but such a long video accompanied by such a long text asks a lot of time and concentration.

Blauwpetje · 2021-04-28T19:52:59+00:00

Maybe it helps to tell you can click on different chapters, each lasting about 8 to 20 minutes, so you can pick out what interests you and don't have to watch the whole 2 hours to find out.

BloomingBrains · 2021-04-30T10:40:01+00:00

I like and agree with all the points made, but I have an issue with how it is framed.

He repeatedly says things like "Imagine a guy who is socially awkward and needs to learn some social skills" whenever he wants the audience to sympathize with the male struggle. The problem with this he is linking not getting laid to being socially awkward and feeding the delusion that mainstream society has that it is a certain type of man who struggles. It also furthers the idea that men are the ones struggling with being socially awkward, while women never are (which is not true at all).

Obviously socially awkward men do exist, especially when you think about the existence of things like autism. No doubt it is part of the problem. And I agree these people shouldn't be demonized. We should sympathize with their plight and try to help them. But to act as if this is the "typical case" does more harm than good. Like he even pointed out, the improve yourself narrative is what attracts so many men to pickup in the first place.

Furthermore, he acts as if there is absolutely no value to the notion of "There is nothing wrong with you, just be yourself". Ironically, this actually isn't one of the superficial advice people typically give, the value in it just isn't what the person saying it usually thinks it is in my experience. It's not "Don't worry, eventually someone will love you for who you are", it's "It's possible that no one will ever love you for who you are, but make peace with that and be yourself anyway for its own sake".

I think a lot of the time, when people say "socially awkward", they are really just talking about a guy who may be more introverted, have more intellectual hobbies, not enjoy going clubbing, and doesn't place a lot of value on superficial things like a "body count". To someone on the other end of the spectrum, who is an extreme extrovert, it makes sense they would see the former example as socially awkward from their point of view. But that doesn't necessarily make it so. The correct answer is to destigmatize this personality profile and recognize that the dominant culture in society isn't conducive to these men's happiness--it's not their fault they were born that way, and telling them to change their entire identity isn't realistic. In another world, they would be the top alphas instead.

DarthMeow504 · 2021-04-29T04:33:30+00:00

Dating for straight guys is hard in a way that is specific to men: guys have to be proactive. This is complicated by the fact that it is less and less the case that there is a commonly understood courtship etiquette that people are able to fall back on, which means that everyone is just flailing about like a bunch of idiots, nobody knows what they want anymore, nobody knows how to communicate or navigate boundaries or interest, and people are flaky as shit. Sometimes it feels like you need to be a mindreader to navigate this shit.

For the radical misandrists who zealously believe in enforced political lesbianism, this is a feature not a bug. Their goal is the same as it's always been, to deprive men of sex with women full stop. Calling other women "gender traitors" for not cooperating with their Lysistrata strategy and proclaiming all heterosexual sex as rape because patriarchy and other such tactics didn't work, straight women are gonna straight women regardless of the condemnation from the radical fringe for "sleeping with the enemy". So they had to tackle their goal from other angles.

One is the constant drumbeat of fear about rape and sexual assault, intended to make women feel like being around men is the equivalent of walking in a jungle wearing an outfit made of raw meat. This "awareness" fearmongering campaign is especially focused on social settings and double especially the "singles" spaces, and the risk of being drugged, taken advantage of while drunk, date raped, etc are magnified immensely to make women defensive and on guard constantly and suspicious of any attention. This reduces their openness to being approached, has them paranoid of nefarious ulterior motives if they are, and discourages them from entering these spaces in the first place. It also primes them to misinterpret any number of innocent miscues for threatening danger signals.

Relatively recently, the fear drumbeat has targeted the other side, making men paranoid of making an incorrect approach or misinterpreting signals or not noticing a woman is more intoxicated than she appears or coming across as "creepy" or being even remotely persistent (while at the same time women are told to not be too eager and to "play hard to get" or else be slut-shamed) or being "too affectionate" or any number of other things that could get him slapped with a false accusation of sexual misconduct. They're made to fear that a woman can regret a sexual encounter and retroactively withdraw consent, thus making what had been consensual a sexual assault even long after the fact. They are also made to fear women who are looking to target men to set them up for a false accusation, either to extort them or to "stick it to those scummy men!".

Between the two, the most major area of male / female sociosexual contact is thus largely neutralized. Women are scared of enduring horrific sexual assault, men are scared of having their lives destroyed. What was once the primary way for singles to meet has been turned into a minefield, with many giving up and staying home and those who do still brave these spaces set up to fail. Fewer potential partners meet, and the encounters that do take place have a lower rate of success for either party. Lots of sex doesn't happen, lots of relationships don't begin, and lots of women end up obeying that "don't fuck men" edict laid down by the radical misandrists whether they like it or not.

At the same time, every other potential avenue has also had roadblocks thrown across the path and strewn with spikes and mines.

Despite doing everything possible to neutralize singles social spaces, the very concept of an approach or expression of interest by a woman towards a man outside of those spaces has been stigmatized or even criminalized. Flirting, compliments, banter, etc is now classified as "verbal harassment". Asking a woman out or propositioning her in any way is termed "unwanted sexual advances" if she isn't interested and classified as sexual misconduct, and of course you can't find out if she's interested if you don't ask or at least drop hints and engage in banter to gauge where she stands on the idea. This is a catch-22, you 're only allowed to ask if the answer is yes, but you can't know the answer is yes unless you ask.
- Simultaneously, they have done nothing whatsoever to encourage or even to de-stigmatize women taking the initiative and in fact still hawk the line that it's the "man's responsibility" that shouldn't be "pushed onto" women. They demand men do the thing they've virtually criminalized, which basically amounts to entrapment and they're fine with that. "System working as intended" as far as the misandrists are concerned, because preventing heterosexual interaction is the goal.
The other primary place people meet, aside from singles spaces and random public encounters, is in the workplace. This has been rendered the most potent minefield of all, with pretty much every form of potential flirting, proposition, or fraternization made into a civil or criminal offense in the name of eliminating "sexual harassment and exploitation". As above in the public space but even worse, all forms of approach to test the waters is automatically actionable either by legal penalty or as a violation of company policy to ward off the threat of lawsuits. Any dating or sex between people of differing ranks in the company is considered "abuse of power" which is tantamount to sexual assault --and in this case the woman can't even consent even if she initiates, the "power imbalance" is automatically considered to compromise her ability to deny consent and thus any consent is categorized as coerced by default. Even men's behavior alone or among one another is able to be labeled a violation termed "creating a hostile work environment" if someone takes offense to it. Basically, a system designed to protect vulnerable women in the workplace from being exploited and abused (a real problem that does exist) has been expanded and made draconian to the point where a complete freeze on any workplace sexual interaction is in place. Men must act like sexless robot monks at all times, co-workers cannot dare risk hooking up, romance between anyone in the same company is virtually impossible to start, and even the classic "sleep your way to the top" strategy is off the table because exploitation is always assumed to be exclusively one-way.
- And on that topic, the concept of "power imbalance = compromised ability to consent = coerced consent" is being expanded anywhere and everywhere possible. Even a hint of potential leverage a man might have is treated as tantamount to gunpoint, whether he does anything to exploit the situation or not. Even if it's her idea, he's still to blame.
  - If two parties are intoxicated and have sex, he's automatically a rapist and she's automatically a victim.
  - Any form of sex work where a man hires a woman or women, often even modeling, is considered exploitation by the customer.
  - Any sexual or romantic interaction between an older male and younger female is judged to be taking advantage of her, regardless of her consent and her being a legal adult.
  - Women are considered "innocent babes to be shielded" at older and older ages, at one time a mid-late teenager was a "probationary adult" to be eased into adult life with careful guidance and extra precaution, now college students are treated with less respect for their agency than high schoolers were a half-century ago.
- In these and many other instances, power and exploitation are always judged to exclusively flow one way, even if the woman clearly gets her share of benefit from the deal. The radical misandrists couldn't get their "patriarchy means all heterosexual intimacy is rape" dogma accepted, so they push the exploitation narrative anywhere they can find even the remotest excuse to do so, criminalizing as many categories of intimate relationship as possible to get as close as they can to total ban.

TL;DR: The anti-heterosexuality crusaders have deliberately closed off any avenue for intimate relations between the sexes they can get away with, in service of the goal of eliminating them all. They have deliberately salted the ground to the greatest degree possible, and that includes stigmatizing and sometimes even criminalizing existing courtship procedures without replacing them. The dysfunction is the point. They know straight men won't willingly agree to punitive self-deprivation, and they can't get straight women to get with the program on their Lysistrata crusade either, so they do everything possible to sabotage any avenue of potential heterosexual contact to force a state of de facto enforced heterocelibacy.

RStonePT · 2021-04-29T15:07:54+00:00

the only ones even trying to help men

Think through the implications of: the only group that has guys back at all were these "evil misogynist"ls"

2021-05-09T13:43:58+00:00

Um meh. Society needs to start deconstructing the words "confidence", "insecure", and "awkward". The criteria for these laughable concepts are HEAVILY influenced by gender role indoctrination.

Title	Decent video on male dating and sex struggles, the apparent lack of empathy from mainstream progressivism, and the flaws (and good points) of PUA stuff.
Author	NewfangledAccount
Upvotes	38
Comments	17
Date	April 28, 2021 1:57 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/n0fdqv/decent_video_on_male_dating_and_sex_struggles_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/decent-video-on-male-dating-and-sex-struggles-the.1061451 https://theredarchive.com/post/1061451

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