Self-directed misandry resulting in self-harm and suicidal ideation. Anyone else?

ericman559 · 2020-06-08T08:04:52+00:00

You should probably talk to a professional

Kuato2012 · 2020-06-08T12:21:23+00:00

The world is awash in misandry, and there are very few male-positive messages out there, so it's easy to internalize all of that negativity and start inflicting it on yourself. I used to direct a lot of hatred toward myself, too, especially back when I used to identify as a feminist. Being more connected to that scene meant I got even more exposure to the anger and bigotry directed toward men, and some of those psychological wounds took years to heal.

So you're not alone and you're not insane. In fact, this phenomenon of internalizing the hatred from others has long been acknowledged as a societal ill for non-white, non-male groups. Internalized hatred seems to get less recognition for "majority" demographics (or "non-protected" demographics, however you want to state it), but it's still a real thing.

You deserve to be here as much as anyone else on this planet. And you don't deserve to receive all that hatred just for being born male.

If you can find a therapist who is receptive to men's issues, that would probably be a good idea (it's your right as a patient to shop around a little to find someone who works for you). You mentioned in another reply that talking about it in therapy would feel too shameful, but... doesn't that mean you've identified a festering mental wound that sorely needs cleaning, stitching, and bandages?

You could also try checking in with /r/malementalhealth. The Internet isn't the best way to deal with these things, but it does have the advantage of relative anonymity.

GaborFrame · 2020-06-08T10:33:30+00:00

I have a similar issue – my image of men is very negative, and I am attending therapy for this obsession. Given the current circumstances, I don't think it is too uncommon.

thereslcjg2000 · 2020-06-08T11:12:10+00:00

Not to that extent, but I did used to have self esteem issues based on negative feelings of men overall. Distancing myself a little from the social justice community (with the exception of specific subsets when it seems important, i.e. black rights activism right now) helped me a lot.

ShawshankRetention · 2020-06-08T12:57:50+00:00

Yeah, i know. You should listen to Karen Straughan, Peterson and others on misandry and men's issue for a start.

After a while, you can distance yourself from your internalised misandry.

SM345 · 2020-06-09T22:27:34+00:00

Hey mate I'm gonna come in from the angle of physical here, not because I think it's solely the solution and not that I think that started your current experience, but because mental and physical health are interlinked in a way that when one slips it can knock the other and start a spiral, and so in the same way if you're trying to get out of a downward spiral it's important to address both; so I'm just checking in on your physical health here to see to see where you're at and to get you thinking about it if you haven't yet.

What's your food and water situation like at the moment mate?

For drinking water if you don't know how much you're drinking daily at the moment then I want you to start observing where you're at for me, generally at least 3 litres daily is what, and increasing with physical activity and hot weather, is what you should be looking at.

With food it's a bit more varied between people as to what's necessary with things like carbohydrates and protein but nonetheless look at macro and micro-nutrients like carbs, protein, vitamins and minerals those kinds of things.

I would recommend getting together some paper and a pen or setting up some kind of computer document/spreadsheet however you prefer mate, and just start observing where you're at now with the things I mentioned above, take stock of where you're at with your nutrition and go forward from there.

I think doing some recording like that might also help you with getting your mind set on looking after yourself, because it's something you keep track of throughout the day, each day, so in essence it helps to prompt you back into that self-care mindset.

The other thing I wanted to check in on you with was physical exercise mate, especially with lockdown.

Have you got access to any kind of gym equipment for strength exercise like dumbells/barbells? If you haven't got access to free weights I'd highly recommend getting yourself a good durable reusable shopping bag (we call them bags for life here in UK) with a pair of handles on it. I've got a bag like that made of a kind of hessien material and you can load it up with objects to make a dumbell of sorts for bicep curls, but you can also get your foot through the handles and sit on a high surface like a table and then you've got a DIY single-leg quad raise set up. Just a couple creative ideas like that if you haven't got any gym equipment mate.

As for the strength exercise itself mate if you're not doing it at the moment I'd highly recommend finding a few simple exercises that you can make into a routine. Say for example bicep curls and single-leg quad raise example I gave above: maybe for example 3 days a week like a Monday, Wednesday, Friday you do 3 sets of 12 on each arm and leg, or 3 sets of 50 second isometric holds however you prefer mate. As for weight I'd say personally at this point choose a weight that's light enough that you can do it comfortably every time with out getting discouraged, but heavy enough that it also feels rewarding at the same time. As for how many different exercises you do, I'd say enough to feel rewarding, but not so many that it's going to feel like a chore doing it regularly.

I think getting yourself into a little strength routine that manageable with your current mental state, but still rewarding for you, is going to have a knock on effect for your mental health and self-perception. Think of yourself as building yourself up as a warrior in a garden both in mind and body. All that negative shit in the world, from other people, and inside yourself, you're building as a strong warrior to push it all out and hold it at bay; giving you space inside yourself to build a tranquil garden.

On cardiovascular exercise, I'd say the same focus as with strength exercise: -find something you can do -intensity and frequency that are both low enough to manage, but high enough to feel good

Like with food and water, I'd say record what you're doing with exercise and build a record to add to and focus on. Again, I think it would give the same benefit in regularly prompting you into a self-care mindset by recording your physical exercise.

Last thing on physical health and also my two cents on mental health, I'd highly recommend getting out in nature and getting in touch with it somehow. A personal example with me I've still been going for walks during lockdown, but I've also started keeping some native snails from my garden, and I've made myself a few accounts on citizen science websites/apps like iNaturalist; so I can record and share my native snail observations and it can help contribute to data on species distributions. Hopefully you are getting out in nature, and again I'd recommend getting in touch with it, so look into some citizen science projects, you might find an animal or plant you like that you can go out and study?

Regardless of what people might say about men in science, men will always have a place there and I think that every man can and should make a scientific contribution during his lifetime.

Sorry that's a bit of a long read lol hope you're still with me and it all makes sense! Hope you're doing okay mate x

respect_yourself_pmc · 2020-06-08T08:25:52+00:00

What do you stand to gain by feeling grotesque that would cause you to seek confirmation?

Title	Self-directed misandry resulting in self-harm and suicidal ideation. Anyone else?
Author	WhenIsItOkayToHate
Upvotes	28
Comments	23
Date	June 8, 2020 8:01 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/gyv251/selfdirected_misandry_resulting_in_selfharm_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/self-directed-misandry-resulting-in-self-harm-and.1063333 https://theredarchive.com/post/1063333

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