This is mostly an appreciation post for this sub. I am so grateful to have found you all! Lurking on FDS for a few months now has strengthened my perception of the realities around me. I am aware of my pickme past and how easily I slid into the idea of a man versus realizing how they actually treated me.

A few days ago I found old "love" letters from my abusive NVX. Before I read them I expected to be reminded of the good times we had together. However, the content of the letters left me feeling validated in my choice to leave him. I almost laughed at what he had written!

Things like "you make me a better person," code for "I'm not a good person." And "I love you because you love me." That one didn't even make sense. This man loved the idea of who he would be with me, not actually me as a person.

I promptly discarded the letters and felt so secure in myself and my worth. I don't think I'd be at this juncture in my life if I hadn't found the support and heard the stories of other women who experienced similar disappointing men.

I spent the better part of a decade losing myself in my past relationship. I hope that when I start dating again I will be as ruthless as I feel in vetting men. I am recognizing so many little things that bother me about men in general, and other LV behavior in both men and women.

I am leveling up in my career, leveling up in my parenting, and finally taking care of my physical and mental health; something I had put off for years so that I could focus on the helpless man-child I lived with.

I prioritize myself first now and I have never felt better and more at peace.